AIBU to not lend a dress to a family member?

Not everyone likes the idea of other people wearing their clothes - she's entitled to say no just because.

They are just saying it won’t be ruined

The kind who are rude enoughh to keep insisting often do, but things given for free are rarely valued as you'd hope, so you're right to refuse

It’s not. Op asked if she was BU and for me, she is. I don’t place massive value on possessions and, let’s be honest, ops daughter is 16. She won’t wear this dress in another year or two, fashions and bodies change.
For me, if I’ve given my daughter a £500 dress that she has not worked for? Yes, I’d expect some humility and some sharing and that is exactly what I’ve seen from my own DDs. So op is BU for me. Does this mean she’s wrong? Nope. Just different to what I would do.

That's great. I'm genuinely pleased for you.

As I said above, my mum wasn't so lucky. I only found out the story when I asked Mum why her SIL was wearing an identical wedding dress in the photograph hanging up in my grandmother's house.

I was a teen when Mum loaned her the veil and headdress again. TBH, I was angry and upset when I found out - as my mum's only daughter, I'd expected to wear to them to my wedding. Mum explained that they already felt ruined to her, or she wouldn't have done it.

Looking at it dispassionately, I probably wouldn't have worn a veil with a cigarette burn in it, but I would certainly have worn the headdress.

I also think don’t lend it.

i think it also loses some of its specialness if you do. You could say thr 500 deposit which they get back if not damaged but id personally go to tnr adults and say this dress is special to her, the answer is no. Please respect this

It’s her dress and she doesn’t want to lend it. End of story. And I don’t blame her! Honestly, some people are so bloody entitled. What’s yours is mine etc…. I would send a final message…. X will not be lending her dress to anyone so stop asking because it’s getting annoying.

If you lend it, this is what will happen:

1. The dress is returned in immaculate condition, having been dry cleaned.
2. It's returned but with food/drink/sweat/vomit stains and a rip or two.
3. It's not returned at all

Exactly something like this. Explain that she atill wears the dress for special occasions (so not just sitting in a wardrobe unusued) and you know x child would feel awful if anything were to happen to it.

Totally wrong to be begging/demanding the dress!

Right, but you didn't mind? And Op's DD does mind? I'd lend my wedding dress before I'd lend my ongoing best "occasion" dress anyway.

But you took a risk that you were happy with presumably? I mean you knew that it could get ruined or not returned but you decided you were ok with that. The DD isnt happy with the risk in this case and so is deciding not to. How is that wrong?

People should never borrow what they cannot afford to replace. People should be allowed to say no, have boundaries and not be guilted into sharing much-loved possessions against their wishes, especially girls. I am glad you are sticking up for her, OP.

She needs to say the dress has too much sentimental value and she won't be lending it out to anyone, ever.

The difference is, I do not see lending a family member a possession as “setting myself on fire”. I just don’t. And, yes! I did lend my wedding dress 🥰
V V expensive, came back dry cleaned and fine and she looked utterly beautiful ❤️

Utter nonsense.

What a fucking cow! I bet she didnt pay you for it either.

Posters are very generous in hypothetical situations when it's not their daughter's dress. Unrealistic and virtue-signalling, one might say...

Not really, it said in the opening post that it was wanted for an event. Given the OP mentioned ithe dress was originally for a prom the use of event implied this wasn’t a prom.

I’ve lent two ball dresses to two seperate people. One came back with a stain on it (I had to dry clean it and it didn’t lift) and the second never came back as the borrower had it tailored to fit them.

They’ve told you that they can’t afford a dress so you know they can’t afford to replace it if they ruin it and honestly, you’re allowed to say ‘No’.

Also, just because they’ve asked and you refused doesn’t mean they’re entitled to you buying them a new dress! That is complete and utter madness.

I wouldn’t say that’s a drip feed. The OP says event not prom.

Any one of my family members would lend it out to each other.

Yanbu at all.

At that price point, its adult money and adult choices. You might opt to lend a £500 dress to one friend but not another.

Frankly anyone asking twice deserves to be told to fuck off because they haven't accepted the polite rejection - they are already being rude and you don't owe manners to rude people.

Never lend anything you can’t afford to lose.

So they can afford a party but not a dress?

Doubling down on the no! She just wants the fancy one her cousin has, well thats a shame but thats life.

As others have said, dont lend what you can't afford to give.