AIBU to not lend a dress to a family member?

There are some charity shops that seem to be stocking dresses suitable for Prom events. The person could get one from a local charity shop. Also ages ago a parent set £10 as a limit on eBay and let her teenager choose the style and colour of dress so it can be done. The person in my reckoning will look after a dress if it is her own rather than a borrowed one. I have had some lovely dresses from vinted for round a fiver. I don't wear dresses very often so I am not prepared to pay very much for them. For my Mum's 90th party last year my dress was £3 from Vinted and comments were I see you did buy an expensive dress in the end so I just agreed and said It was a small fortune without a doubt. A cousin quietly said I see you didn't go to a charity shop for that dress. It was designed by the man who used to do Star outfits at Debenhams and endless numbers of people thought I had spent a lot. I still smile when I wear that dress as no doubt it was expensive originally. As your daughter loves her dress I would say Don't lend it out. There are ways round the expense. I saw a mum recently telling her 2 daughters that if they chose a dress each for their Prom she would buy it as long as it was from the charity shop.

YANBU

All valid choices for her. As an aside, it’s not a Hermes bag, it is a prom dress, it’s second hand value will be very minimal. Making money from it really won’t happen.

Dresses can very easily get damaged by drinks/ getting caught on things etc so your daughter should absolutely not lend if she would be upset if it’s damaged and wants to wear it again.

you need to tell the other family members to back off.

great The Op can put you in contact and you can lend one of yours

When I was growing up I was taught never to lend anyone anything unless I was happy to never see the thing again. You can’t expect it back, you can’t expect any money for it - people can really surprise you. Of course they wouldn’t intend to ruin it, but it can’t be guaranteed that they won’t. Who needs to wear a £500 dress for a birthday party anyway?

No, OP, I wouldn’t lend it. I’m shocked how pushy they’re being about asking for it tbh. They should go and buy the nicest dress they can afford. I’ve never owned a dress that cost £500 or worn one, and it hasn’t done me any harm!

Id just want to tell the parents she's waay too fat for it. Marjorie Dawes style.

If it was a cheaper dress, maybe. But it would be galling to lend a £500 dress and get it back damaged in some way. Just don't.
Why invite trouble, as my gran would say. It would cause a lot of bad feeling.

My mother took it upon herself to lend a ballgown, which was designed and paid for by me, to a relative when I wasn't there.

I never saw it again and I haven't forgotten.
I never even got a thank you.

Your daughter shouldn't have to lend her clothes to anyone unless she actually decides she wants to without anyone trying to make her feel bad.

There's some absolute mugs on here or is this rage bait?!!

Surely no one lends stuff out to other people like posters suggest on here...

Theyve had years to save for a dress. My daughter had a beautiful one for less than £100 from Stacees online. Why should the OPs DD have to lend her dress out. People need to stop expecting others to help them and buy their own. I can't believe this thread...

No wonder so many posters come on moaning about having the p took out of them, they let them and don't know how to stand up for themselves.

I would tell your relatives that it's not the young person that you don't trust, it's the other party goers that might ruin it and if you still get pushback, suggest that they all club together to get her a dress.

Just one no and then ignore.

Yeah me too. I'm also not a particularly materialistic person either. Don't get me wrong. I still do have nice things.
Questions op should ask dd
1.Will she wear it again
2.Is it going to be framed
3.Will it become an heirloom
or will it just sit in a wardrop for her to occassionally gaze at.

So pleased you are backing your daughter. My DM always let others have my things that meant a lot to me and am still sad about some stuff. I never did this to my DD. I didn't pass on any requests, even when she was little.

If a person requesting the item is told no and then gets stroppy to the point of ending a friendship I would suggest that the ‘no’ was the correct decision.

Tell the relative to go on vinted and find something similar. She must have some sort of budget but prom dresses often get damaged and your daughter is right not to want to lend hers. Imagine the ill feeling and upset if it gets ruined. It’s her special dress and she can do what she likes with it. Nobody is entitled to anyone else’s belongings.

Ps or could she wear a rented outfit??

Lose both the item AND the friend.

what difference does it make?

She can still find a dress on Vinted!

I have lost count the amount of vinyl records, CD's and books I've lent over the years and never seen again. One I got back, covered in sticky goodness knows what, I'd wished I'd not got it back. I never lend now, I can't afford to subsidise everyone else.

Gotta be the funniest autocorrect ever ...bung*
You would need to know her size though if u did the charity shop bit x

I would not lend it tell a white lie say that your daughter is wearing it to something on the same date

If u can afford it and know her size get a charity shop dress for her or bungalow her some money towards a dress rental ? Shein is amazing...