AIBU to not lend a dress to a family member?

No, the previous poster was suggesting lend the item but if it got ruined and not replaced, the lender (OPs dd) should end the relationship with the family member.

Personally I wouldn't risk that. I would just not lend the dress in the first place.

Tell the family members who are texting you and your daughter to club together and buy the relative a dress between them. Why do they think you and your daughter have to provide for her!

I can answer all of those questions having never met the OP’s daughter.

1.Yes, OP said she will wear it again
2 No it won’t be framed. She’s an 18 year old school girl. If she were Lady Di, Florence Nightingale or Marilyn Monroe then yes it would be framed.
3 Unlikely to be an heirloom. It’s a £500 prom dress not a Ming vase.

So now we’ve established that, how does that change things? The crux of it is she has a lovely new dress and she doesn’t want to lend it to the poor relation to A. Take the credit B. Potentially ruin it.

Do they know it cost £500 😱?

Very PA to accuse people of drinking if you dont get your own way

It is not selfish to want to keep and look after a beautiful dress that you will wear again.
It is selfish to ask to lend it, get others involved, knowing full well if it gets ruined you can’t afford to replace it.
I had a beautiful silk dress, very precious to me, returned and the dress was full of cigarette burns. The wearer told me to cut the skirt off and wear it as top.

I have So many stories like this over the years I’ve lost so many things to careless borrowers, not just clothes and shoes. Now I don’t lend unless it’s something I can live without, it took me a long time to learn !

😂😂😂

Again, put the glass down and walk away…..you are talking nonsense!

You mean why dont we bow down to the demands of CFers
No

I wouldn’t lend it.

Is it a niece wanting to borrow it?

I’m sure the feeling is mutual. By all means send OP your details and she can put you in touch with her relatives. You can lend her a dress, hell why not buy her a dress!

Possibly yes, I think it's time to consider that you're being a tad odd. But if you have a lot of nice things, an army of rodents and birds you can outsource domestic drudgery to, and a prince charming waiting in the wings then it doesn't matter if Tracy returns one of your ball gowns or not. The squirrels can nibble you a new one from the pelts of baby mice and oak leaves.

The only thing worse than cheeky fuckers are the halo polishing virtue signallers who always want to defend the cheeky fuckers.

@overflowingbin I’m with you. How have we all become so selfish? Come on ladies. Depressing. Truly amazed by these responses.

Did you lend it to a teenager to wear to an 18th birthday party?

I only ever would lend something I didn't care about that much. I have some very nice things and the only person I would lend them too is my DD or my sister and even then - well they are not borrowing my Birkin ;)

It is fine to say no.

My DD attends a boarding school and their wardrobes are pretty much communal but even then there is a code - you don't borrow 'precious or expensive' items - it is just not the done thing.

WHY would she need to ask any of those?

It's HER dress, she can do whatever she wants with it, why on earth should she be made to lend it (give it.) to someone?

This annoys me so much. It’s not just about it being ruined, it’s your daughter’s dress, its hers, it’s new and why on earth would she want her cousin / family member wearing it so soon?

Assuming both the girls are on social media and upload pictures I just wouldn’t want to have spent £500 on a dress, whilst another girl gets to wear it for free.

Not sure how the texts have gone, but this is why it’s so important to shut this cheeky fuckery down from the off. She should have said she’s wearing it to an event on the same evening.

I had a friend wanting to borrow a white silk dress for the night before her wedding, but I had bought it for my engagement and just didn’t want to lend it. It was special to me. It cost a bomb, it was delicate and could easily be wrecked, but most importantly… Buy your own! Fortunately the wedding was around Christmas time and I said I needed it for a ball. I’m an honest person but I have no qualms about telling lies for things like this. I really enjoy my clothes, I don’t want others wearing them. I had a colleague (who earned way more than me) asking to borrow some Reiss black trousers once. They’re black trousers! Buy your own! I lent her some Topshop ones, never got them back.

I can see both points of view. From their side you are wealthy, your relative can't afford nice things, she wants to feel special for one night etc and it's now second hand and as far as they are concerned it will be returned back to you in the same condition so what's the harm plus in their mind you can afford to buy your daughter lots of dresses (you said in a post you've sold a few designer dresses on vinted).

From your position, it's very expensive, you don't want to risk it getting ruined and your daughter doesn't want too so that's the end of it.

I have 4 sisters so I'm used to lending things (& yes not getting things returned or ruined). I also grew up with our cousins giving us their old clothes. We didn't have much growing up and I know how hard it is seeing your peers have lovely things and feeling left out (embarrassed even).

I did lend my very expensive guitar out a few times to a friend and he obviously didn't take care of it and it came back with a huge crack in it. It cost a fair bit to fix and he said he would pay for it but he never did. 😔 That was a lesson learned. If it's something you really love with sentimental value then it is a big risk.

It is reasonable for her to ask to borrow it and it would be a lovely thing to do but it is also reasonable for your daughter to say no, you don't feel comfortable doing so. It is unreasonable however for your relatives to make you feel guilty about it.

Yes

This thread had me wondering….am I being weird? Is it because I have quite a lot of nice stuff that I’m not too bothered about lending things? But then you say you’ve sold quite a few expensive dresses, so I think not…..

Step away from the wine……

You win mumsnet. Congratulations 🎉🎉🎉🎉
And I'm sure that when you sing, woodland animals scamper towards you eager to do your housework. Stay away from old women offering you rosey red apples