AIBU to not lend a dress to a family member?

Cool, can you move out of your house for a fortnight so me, dh, 2 kids and 2 large dogs can have a break, leave the car keys and your bank cards too of course!

Nice try. 😂

If they can’t afford it then they wouldn’t be able to replace it if its damaged

"Alternatively, you could teach her to help others, if she can. Better to give than to receive and all that….."

Leave of, it's her dress, she is using it for other engagements. The relative should but her own dress.

🤣🤣🤣
Brilliant!

However Kailash, when it rises

But they can't afford to replace it, which is why they asked to borrow it in the first place. Are you hard of thinking?!

…………..and turn the other cheek when it comes back ruined ?

God love you, no one is going to do any of those things for you. But keep asking!!! Everyone does love a trier ❤️

I wouldn't even do this.

If it is special, she shouldn't have to lend it and it becomes more than the cost but the replaceability.

In answer to your question "is it normal?" OP, in truth I think it is becoming quite normal to expect this kind of thing. I don't agree with it, but I don't think it is an unusual attitude that this kind of thing is ok to ask.

If I were you I'd offer an alternative dress that she is less bothered about if you or DD have one.

No, I can go to Waitrose, or Aldi, or the local market. Or I could go dumpster diving round the back of Home Bargains, or ask for something on Olio if I fancied it.
But I don't really fancy doing any of those things. What I'd really like is for you to send over some wine, some nibbles, a couple of nice ribeye steaks, asparagus, honey roasted carrots, a selection of cheeses and some good coffee by woodland critter courier. That's ok isn't it, because you're a nice person 😍

No I wouldn’t lend the dress. It will get make up, fake tan and dirt from the ground if it is long. The relative may be bigger and actually stretch the dress. I’ve accidentally done that to my sister’s dress and had to buy her a new one! She can hire one from a formal wear shop or buy a cheaper dress. Please don’t let them bully your daughter into lending out her dress. You wouldn’t lend your £500 bag or shoes would you?!

If they are people who would do that, why would you want to be friends with them?

Your daughter is perfectly within her rights not to lend her very expensive dress, and I wouldn’t want her to in these circumstances either. I mean I wouldn’t have spent that much on a dress for prom in the first place (it’s more than my wedding dress cost 😅) but there’s lots of ways for the other girl to get a nice dress more cheaply, Vinted for example. I think it’s very unlikely that the dress would come back exactly in the condition it was lent in.

How has op established that? She has assumed. I would, and have, been very clear, if you want to borrow it, these are the conditions. If you do not agree, don’t borrow it.
And as an aside, I’ve loaned an awful lot of stuff to an awful lot of people, and I’ve never had an issue.

Mm. I think you can expect all you like but it doesn’t mean it would happen. Rather than replacing your stuff I think most people would just end the friendship, or if family, tell you to get over it, and yourself.

I’d never lend anything of mine out now after doing so when I was younger and it never working out well.

Temba his arms wide

No! Have been other treads on MN where items of clothing are loaned and they come back damaged. The borrowers never assumed responsibility

Social worker here. I work closely with education. Every single school I work with has access to pre loved donated dresses/suits for young people to attend their proms and would never see a young person disadvantaged. Schools also have access to support services through their social work links and third sector partners and generally leading upto prom there’s lots of discreet donations made of outfits in a range of sizes to ensure young people look and feel the part. My office has been full of chat not long ago too with workers being aware of local drives for prom outfits and uniform requirements and lots of the workers and their family members also donate to local schools to help out. Your relative will absolutely be able to discreetly ask their pastoral care teacher if there is any help from the school and they’ll generally move mountains to make sure a fab outfit is available.

'We are now both getting texts from other family members to say my daughter should lend the dress to the other girl, she’s family, she won’t ruin it, she can’t afford her own etc.'

I'd be tempted to reply to the other family members that they're welcome to buy the other girl a dress, but you won't be lending anyone The Dress. Perhaps they can all club together: that would be a nice way to express their concern. Otherwise, talk is cheap. And telling someone else to do what they don't want to do is even cheaper.

Edited for spelling but I'll add: I'd ask them what the other girl would have done if your daughter didn't have a designer dress to ask about. Fine, do that then.

yes I remember that one.

Lend me £500? Better to give than to receive and all the other stuff you said. I'll pay you back, honest.

so stuff doesn't gets damaged at proms then?

I'm sure I read a thread designer dress was lent out for a party /prom all the promises to return unscathed.
Nope returned trashed.
Don't know how to link the thread sorry.

I’ve also had bitter experience. A flatmate borrowed my one silk party dress and shoes - got a stain on the dress and walked in the rain in the (suede) shoes so they were ruined too.My mother once lent a friend a dress but took the woman six months and a lot of reminding to hand it back. I think your DD lends the dress and will soon discover it’s been handed around. Stand firm. People should accept no as an answer.

You can tell all the people who have have given a loan of something to someone and it was returned intact ...not a risk I would take with a dress for sure