AIBU to not lend a dress to a family member?

What consequences? They cant pay to replace it and likely wont (as many PP have said, things that cost nothing to the borrower are rarely valued) so what consequences?

They lose the chance to take the piss again? Big deal, not much comfort to the DD is it?

Sounds petty but I’d not lend it. I always would have in the past, I’d lend a friend money to buy an outfit if I could afford it.

My reason for no is that a while ago a close friend borrowed an outfit. We are both adult women friends since school, she borrowed the dress for a special occasion.

Then all I heard over and over again, (she was not normally my dress size but had lost a bit of weight due to a relationship break up) was how much better she looked in that outfit then I did. Really nasty comments that upset me. At the time I’d said she looked lovely and have a nice time so I thought I’d get it back washed and that would be the end of it but instead i got snidely comments about my looks for over a year.

so if anything like that is a possibility definitely no.

YANBU
I have loaned things before and they have been lost / damaged.
Nothing as precious/expensive as a prom dress , but I just do not do it anymore !

OP "No, she'll be wearing it herself that day."
CF "But I haven't told you when the party is."
OP "Doesn't matter."
😂

I really dont understand how this thread is so full!

You dont lend your clothes to anyone. Especially if its special and expensive.

I can't comprehend how someone think its ok to share clothes, its gross and the clothes most definitely will get ruined - stained, sweated at, ripped. There are countless threads on here of people lending something to someone and either getting it back ruined - or not getting it back at all.

OP, your relatives should be told in no uncertain terms to back off and never ask anything so stupid ever again. If they have no money they can get something second hand (as they are happy wearing other people's clothes anyway) or get something within their budget.

If you lend the dress to someone who can’t afford to buy a dress, and it’s accidentally stained/ruined by that person, that wearer sure as eggs hasn’t the funds to replace said dress.

How on earth is that “Russian roulette”? I think that is very clear boundaries. They ask for something, you agree, with boundaries. They break those boundaries, there are consequences. For them.
Any why on earth would you want to maintain a relationship, with family or no, who behave like that? If a family member borrowed my property, destroyed it and refused to take responsibility? Yes, I’d massively reduce contact or end the relationship.
And people on here think I AM the doormat!??

There is no way I’d be lending anyone a £500 dress! Especially not to wear to a party, I’d honestly laugh if anyone asked me, like what the actual 😂 Absolutely not!

It is always one way with people like this- which is why it’s so important your dd learns now how to stick up to them.

But there’s also a very important lesson in this- she’s said no. It doesn’t matter what she’s said no about, the fact is she’s been asked something and decided no. And now she’s under emotional pressure to change that no to a yes. Not just pressure from the person who wants the no to a yes, but others putting pressure on her to conform to what they think she should do.

Holding the line is an important thing to learn!

(The other people asking her to give the dress won’t pay for the other family member to get a new dress, so they won’t replace your dds dress if it’s ruined.)

So generous that you’d lend a dress but not generous enough that you’d cut off a family member for ruining it and not paying more than they can afford to replace it lol.

Russian roulettes with your family but think that makes your opinion the reasonable one

Of course not. It's cheeky to ask especially if you have already said no. As a rule of thumb never lend anything you are not happy to give away because people rarely give things back and if they do they are even more rarely in the same condition it was when you gave it to them. You bought your daughter a special dress and it is for her and her alone.

They’re cheeky f’ers who want a dress for free.

Ask for a £500 deposit if the dress is damaged and get chat gdp to write a 20 page legal document to cover all eventualities

i think that should stop the cf ‘s

With all the options of affordable dresses out there, why can’t they purchase their own dress or rent one similar to the one she has?

I’ve bought lovely dresses off Vinted and EBay for under £10, designer items for under £30.

If they can’t afford to have it cleaned, repaired and/or replace it if it does get damaged than they shouldn’t be asking for it nor should other family members be sticking their nose in.

I have family members like this who are quick to call family members selfish when they don’t get what they want from other family members. Often what they don’t know is the ones they call selfish don’t give or lend anything specifically to them because of their entitlement and those that know of this don’t get involved and understand why.

Was lending the item worth the relationship?

The one time I did this (late 80s) it was an expensive Robert Palmer Addicted To
Love video black mini dress (Katherine Hamnett) which cost a lot of money (actually a present from a rich journalist boyfriend) and my best friend asked to borrow it for a posh event with press photographers at a town hall with her mum. I let her borrow it and it came back fine but I trusted her implicitly. She also wore it out for a date at a bar/restaurant. She smoked so I just said if any smoke smell on it could she dry clean it? She did dry clean it and the dress was fine. Then she bought her own cheaper replica dress.

Nope...she doesn't want to..the family should lay off her..and you.
Tell them they're being unreasonable.

I'd lend it in a heartbeat. How many other occasions is your DD likely to wear it? You are fortunate enough to be able to afford expensive things, why not be generous?

You are funny. Let her buy her own dress.

Let's face it, an 18th birthday party is probably one of the worst in terms of things getting damaged, lots of kids getting a chance to drink for the first time, being sick, falling over, a £500 dress is not a good idea.
It was a present to your DD so she has the only vote on whether she lends the dress out, she's said no so that's an end to it

Temba at rest

I blame the Gorn. They can't be trusted with anything fleshy.

Just look up the dress on second hand sites.
Link it if you're being kind.
I had nothing as a child. My clothes are my armour and my investment.
I hate when people ask. I don't have flash cars and a normal house but i don't drink, smoke or buy drugs. I worked 5am - 9pm for my clothes and woe betide those who damage them. My family now don't bother to ask.
One set of nieces peed on my new beds. Twenty odd years ago. The feckers turned the mattress.

Also, I don't see anything wrong with them asking but I think it's very bad that you have declined, and now they are harassing you along with other family members. Not on.