AIBU to not lend a dress to a family member?

I didn't say that she 'should' just 'maybe have a think about it'. Your daughter is completely reasonable to decline to do so. It's hers.

I'm just talking about the reality of most very fancy/expensive items that maybe don't get enough wear in their lifetime :( but no pressure to do it!

Good for your daughter. Stick by her. It’s too expensive an item to lend.

My post above was just a 'think of the the possibility of lending it' but your daughter is completely reasonable to decline to do so. It's hers.

yup , usual thing

night

there is no "should it" about it. Someone has been asked to lend an item to someone else. The response was "sorry no" That should be the end of the story.

'My daughter had her year 11 prom last year. We bought her a lovely dress for it, not from a prom dress shop but a dress that she could wear again to weddings and parties. She has already worn it to another event. It cost about £500.
Another young person in the family is now asking to borrow it for an event. My daughter doesn’t want to lend it to her as she doesn’t want to risk it being ruined.'

You are not being unreasonable at all, it is her dress and she is free to say no. But think another way. Should it remain in the cupboard so to not get ruined, and then never be worn again. Will she look back in 20 years time at this pristine dress which has been worn (optimistically) once again and regret not lending it to her cousin?

I wore my prom dress again once (awkwardly because it was too over the top and it was just a black satin tea dress) and one bridesmaid dress once again. Reality is they just don't get worn again.

Bollocks.

Cue story about heroic act of self sacrifice. ‘One time, in the Arctic Circle, in the middle of winter, I met a frostbitten orphan and immediately gave them all my clothes without a thought to myself. I then trekked on naked across the tundra, warmed by the fire kindness and generosity lit within me. The internal warm fuzzies were indeed so warm that I was even able to shoot them out as targeted heat waves, and thus able to incinerate more than one rampaging polar bear heading in my direction. Kindness saves lives (and ends them).’

It’s very easy to be generous with other people’s things.

If they keep hassling you simply respond “you already have my answer”. They sound like CF’s.

Plenty of charity shops, Vinted etc out there to look for their own dress.

I absolutely would, and do, lend my belongings, and my DD and her housemates are usually in a mixed collection that belongs to one another.

However, you are both entitled to say no, and the family members pushing in to put pressure on and make you feel guilty are very unreasonable.

why would I deliberately risk the relationship? Why would I put them or us in the situation that could possibly mean trouble for our relationship if the dress got damaged and they didn’t pay.

I don't think you need to lend the dress, but bits of this post go too far.

You don't want to lend it because you don't want the dress to get ruined.

Tell them to rent one from a shop. No way would I be lending my daughter‘s expensive dress to someone else.

Do not feel a moments guilt. It’s your daughter’s dress and it’s her decision. If family members still text you tell them you’ve already said no and this is not going to change but suggest they might like to
make a donation to the other parents to buy their daughter another dress.

Even if it didn’t get damaged, it’s her special prom dress so why should she have to lend it in the first place. I think it’s cheeky to even ask let alone trying to guilt trip too. My prom dress was from Mango! They could easily find a nice dress for less.

so you are not actually doing it! If.. you would.. of course, that's easier to be generous that way, ,especially with other people's money

The OP can say the same, IF she was married to a royal family member, she WOULD lend one dress. 😂 So she IS generous, not in the right position right now.

so do I and its also a wise way to support your daughter and teach her how to deal with such requests

Even if you were millionaires and the dress was 20p at Oxfam and your weekend plan is to cut it up to make cleaning rags, you are still under no obligation to lend it to anyone.

Stand strong!

you could learn some charity? Get in touch with the Op and offer something of yours

I lent my gorgeous silk prom dress to my cousin and it was returned with a cigarette burn. What is worse, my cousin didn't even mention it, or the very least apologise. I wouldn't lend something your daughter loves, it's not worth the risk

They asked. Your teenage daughter answered politely. It's time the grown-ups moved on and found another solution. It isn't up to your DD to solve the fact that the other girl's parents won't stump up for a nice dress. You know they won't be there to cover the cost if the dress is damaged, however likely or unlikely that is.