AIBU to not lend a dress to a family member?

@DeathByZaraTrousershas there been any further contact from the relatives?

A) even if it did, why should they have to have a claim on their record and possibly increased premiums?
B) the cost of the excess may be similar to the cost of the dress anyway
C) she doesnt want to lend it, so end of discussion

Would your contents insurance not cover the cost of replacement-what about theirs?

If they can’t afford to replace the dress if it gets damaged, I would not lend it.

If they CAN afford to replace it, they can afford to buy their own.

Either way it’s a no from me.

Somebody asked if they could borrow my food mixer. They broke it and didn't replace it.
I lent my cousin a hand-knitted mohair jumper and she boil-washed it.

If I had an amazing dress at 48 that cost £500 which I adored, intended to wear in future and was very special, I wouldn’t lend it out to someone who didn’t have a £500 dress but wanted it. Them being 18 shouldn’t muddle things.

Repeatedly asking and then getting other family members to ask is not respecting boundaries.

It’s the same as if I had an expensive pair of shoes/car/tent/gazebo/handbag/coat, I wouldn’t want to lend it out.

I liked the comment upthread, ask, ‘can you afford to replace it if it’s ruined?’ and if they say, ‘yes’, reply, ‘good-you can just buy your own now, then.

Don’t lend it out , u will never see it again. U told them no that should be the end of it . I lent a sunbed out to someone I worked with once took me a year to get it back and it didn’t work when I got it back she lent it to all her pals and relatives . Also same thing happened with a ring . Never again will I lend anything out

snub
to insult someone by not giving them any attention or treating them as if they are not important

No, it's not snubbing someone to decline to lend them an expensive item that they won't be able to replace or reimburse.

Buy me a Dior dress?

Ok can you lend me £500 please as I don't have a dress for the prom...

Berating is doing so at length, I made one comment. And it is snubbing, if you can afford to help. Didn't say anything about snobs.

If DD didn’t own this dress, the relative wouldn’t be able to ask for it, and she’d have to get one somewhere else. So she can get one wherever she would have got one from if she hadn’t known about DD’s dress. This isn’t the only dress in the world and I’m sure she won’t be going to the party in rags.

It isn’t just about the risk of the dress being ruined. It could be given back slightly damaged or dirty. They could refuse to dry clean or wash it before returning it. They could wash it incorrectly. Very likely, if she lends it to them once they’ll ask for it again and again.

It’s really unpleasant of other family members to try to guilt trip you into lending a treasured possession belonging to your daughter. She said no, that’s the end of it. Good on you for defending her. When I was young, my mother used to give things away that belonged to me - sometimes lending them and not getting them back. She’d just laugh if I complained. It made me feel as though she was putting me in my place, showing me nothing was really mine, and that what other people wanted was more important than my right to have my own things. It’s a very unkind thing to do to a child. PPs are talking as though this dress belongs to the mother not the daughter.

If these family members are sad that the other girl doesn’t have such a nice dress (that you paid for, it wasn’t free) they can club together and buy her one!

It's not even a prom, it's an 18th birthday party.

I don't think wanting a dress for a prom is a 'desperate ' situation. It's a bit of teenage angst and jealousy of the girl who has the nice dress.

What is your budget? Ive seen a dress for £170. If you could just send me half it would be a good start.

It's a dress for an 18th birthday party, not an essential such as food. How desperate do you think they are?

She probably has a dress she can wear, she just wants an expensive new one to wear. A want, not a need.

@overflowingbin "Alternatively, you could teach her to help others, if she can. Better to give than to receive and all that….."

Yeah, I used to believe that too. Sadly I've learned the hard way over the years.

Imagine those 'family members' not being bothered about their own daughter enough to stop being irresponsible with their money and buy her a dress.....

There is no such thing as being desperate to wear a specific expensive dress. They are not asking for any old
piece of clothing to cover the young relative’s back in desperation, they are demanding £500 dress to wear to a party.

Well! I think you'll find that families vary. Do you think chancers don't have families? Cheeky fuckers? Chaotic don't-really-care types? And just as every one of them has family, every family has at least one of them.

Yep. You learn quick who those are just by watching and listening and see how they treat other family members’ things.

I wouldn’t think to ask or borrow something I know I can’t afford to replace. With all the options out there, there is no reason this niece cannot find a dress for her 18th birthday. As many have said, you can rent designer dresses where they are insured for damages. With all the family members complaining, they could put their money together for her to rent or buy a dress.

My guess is she or her parents, maybe both want to pretend the dress is hers and brag about it and how much it cost since they aren’t accepting the ‘no’ that has been said.

How irritating and rude! Fancy getting other family members involved too!

"Family is family."

Well! I think you'll find that families vary. Do you think chancers don't have families? Cheeky fuckers? Chaotic don't-really-care types? And just as every one of them has family, every family has at least one of them. Have a think. You'll probably be able to identify at least one of these in your wider family. If you can't, it's probably you.

I wouldn’t be lending it out either so completely back your DD on this. It isn’t a cheap dress she can easily replace, as its designer it also probably isn’t still sold to easily replace. Her family don’t have the means to replace it if ruined because if they did, they’d buy her one. No way would I lend it.

Except she wouldn't bring one!

Maybe she meant "shrubbery" 🤣🤭