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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset with DD for this?

408 replies

dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 16:17

Last year I lent my DD (19) a summer dress to go on holiday with her boyfriend. I’m going on holiday myself in a few weeks with DH and asked her for the dress back (assuming it was still in her wardrobe). She said “I’m not sure if I still have it, I think I sold it on Vinted”. I was perplexed, asked her why on earth she would do this? She said “well I just didn’t think you wanted it back”. In fairness, I hadn’t asked her for it back since last summer as I hadn’t needed it yet, but still, surely you don’t sell an item of clothing someone has lent you just because the person hasn’t asked for it back yet? Just seems crazy to assume the person doesn’t want it back and is happy for you to sell it? She’s normally a caring and lovely girl, so this has thrown me off a bit as it feels really disrespectful. She offered to replace it and has already ordered the replacement and paid for faster delivery so it arrives before my holiday, but I’m still just left a bit bewildered and disappointed. Am I overreacting to be upset here?

OP posts:
itchyelbowsandswollenankles · 10/07/2026 19:23

dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 19:05

”ranting” 😂
Sorry is there a time limit for engaging with your own thread on here? I hadn’t got that memo…

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43 posts all acting like she’s done this awful thing.

She sold a dress. She’s bought a replacement. It’s done.

MsPavlichenko · 10/07/2026 19:21

dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 16:27

I think what threw me was the causal “not sure if I still have it, think I sold it…”, it’s just very out of character for her to be so dismissive, is all. But maybe it was a genuine misunderstanding where she believed I’d given it to her; however I do remember saying at the time that’s one of my favourites so please look after it.

I would also have found it strange to say the least. Now almost a decade on from the entitled teenage years, I might wonder if perhaps she had lost or damaged it way back last year. Rather than fessing up , she might have hoped you’d simply forget (!). That might also explain her apparently casual and indifferent reaction when you asked for it.

It reminds me somewhat of my DD’s teenage denials, that all these years later we both laugh about. Either way she has made amends and I am sure it won’t happen again.

Stationbike · 10/07/2026 19:19

Don't be afraid to point it out to her.
She didn't think it wrong to sell someone elses belongings.
That needs firm clearing up IMO.
If you don't tell her, who will?

Dogmum74 · 10/07/2026 19:17

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 19:16

DarkForces · 10/07/2026 19:10

It does, but I think it takes a while longer before that happens. Dd is mid teens so I'm basically an embarrassment with a bank account 😂

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@DarkForces haha I love that, an embarrassment with a bank account😂 Sums it up really! Although I think I maybe expected more of an adult to adult, woman to woman relationship by almost 20. DD has a good job, she’s earning well; she lives at home with me still so doesn’t have bills etc (I take minimal board off her - just a small token amount), so she doesn’t need my bank account as such. But I suppose I’d hoped for more of a mutually respectful mother-daughter adult friendship by now? Maybe that will come in future though 🙂

OP posts:
DarkForces · 10/07/2026 19:10

dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 19:06

I do think this articulates a little why I feel hurt actually - feeling like a “resource” rather than a person with feelings who should be respected in the same way I respect her. If that makes any sense.

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It does, but I think it takes a while longer before that happens. Dd is mid teens so I'm basically an embarrassment with a bank account 😂

Original poster
dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 19:06

aloris · 10/07/2026 19:05

Yeah I think a lot of young people think their mum is just a resource. They don't really see mums as real people with needs or wants or possessions of their own. Our stuff is their stuff. My guess is that when you were telling your daughter you wanted the dress back, she wasn't listening to that part because it's not the part that benefitted her. Normal for our kids but they do need to grow out of it.

I do think this articulates a little why I feel hurt actually - feeling like a “resource” rather than a person with feelings who should be respected in the same way I respect her. If that makes any sense.

OP posts:
Original poster
dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 19:05

itchyelbowsandswollenankles · 10/07/2026 19:00

You’ve been ranting on here for three hours straight.

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”ranting” 😂
Sorry is there a time limit for engaging with your own thread on here? I hadn’t got that memo…

OP posts:
aloris · 10/07/2026 19:05

Yeah I think a lot of young people think their mum is just a resource. They don't really see mums as real people with needs or wants or possessions of their own. Our stuff is their stuff. My guess is that when you were telling your daughter you wanted the dress back, she wasn't listening to that part because it's not the part that benefitted her. Normal for our kids but they do need to grow out of it.

itchyelbowsandswollenankles · 10/07/2026 19:00

dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 19:00

Haha it gets better - my personal favourite now is the suggestion that I want an apology to “feed my ego”. How utterly peculiar. Keep them coming. I’m genuinely entertained. It really does take all sorts doesn’t it 😂

You’ve been ranting on here for three hours straight.

Stationbike · 10/07/2026 19:00

LottieMary · 10/07/2026 18:46

My favourite dresses are also my favourites because I’ve worn them to the places I’ve worn them. Someone else’s second hand dress isn’t really the same thing? Am I alone in feeling that way?!

I have a lovely summer wardrobe of dresses that get worn a couple of times each year.
They have lovely memories attached to them, have a lovely cut and style to them.
I do feel a happy attachment to them.

I would no more pass on my daughters clothes, or put them in a charity bag witgout her agreement.

Imagine if the OP did that!
There would be a huge appalled response.

I know my daughter would be rightly pissed off with me.

I do hope OP that you do point out to her just how upset a person might be in this situation.

A friend that didn't even apologise?
I'd be giving them a very wide berth.

Original poster
dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 19:00

Haha it gets better - my personal favourite now is the suggestion that I want an apology to “feed my ego”. How utterly peculiar. Keep them coming. I’m genuinely entertained. It really does take all sorts doesn’t it 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 18:58

RoseField1 · 10/07/2026 18:51

I don't actually have a daughter. I do have a teenage son who can be a complete dickhead on occasions. if I posted on here some of his dickhead behavior and posters called him a dickhead I wouldn't be offended because it would be true. I think the fact that you're so outraged that I called out her daughter for being an entitled little madam demonstrates your very peculiar attitude towards parents having standards for their almost adult children.

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Exactly!

OP posts:
itchyelbowsandswollenankles · 10/07/2026 18:57

RoseField1 · 10/07/2026 18:52

No it's not! An apology is an apology. Reparations come after apology, not instead

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Yes it is! Actions speak louder than words. OP just wants her daughter to grovel to feed her ego

Original poster
dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 18:57

@Tinycatclub you’re hilarious at this point. Genuinely 😂

OP posts:
Tinycatclub · 10/07/2026 18:55

dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 18:42

@Tinycatclub cross 😂 trust me: I do not waste precious energy being “cross” with Internet strangers (that would be yet more assumption). I find you draining to engage with, because you appear to be deliberately trying to misunderstand me at this point. Which is odd, but it’s not a me problem. And I find it heavily ironic that you point out how it’s “weird and sad” for Internet strangers to make judgements about my daughter who they don’t know; and yet, you’ve made repeated judgements about me throughout this thread, a person who you also do not know. Maybe you could reflect on the irony here?

I’ve commented on specific things you’ve either done or said. Unlike the things people have said big sweeping things about your daughter as a person, which you seem to be content with. I would be upset if someone called someone I loved spoilt, a gaslighter, a liar etc … if I’d caused that, I’d question myself, but you haven’t.

If you’re happy with your behaviour fighting to defend yourself at all costs and never sticking up for your child, that’s on your conscious, not mine.

Mont1e · 10/07/2026 18:52

I totally understand why you’re miffed and would be too but learnt at training the pre frontal cortex (decision making part of the brain) is not fully developed until after 25. As soon as I heard it I looked back to my early twenties and it gave me an idea why I’m so much more responsible now at 45! It’s almost made me forgive my kids for lots of idiot moves so hope it helps you to do the same :)

RoseField1 · 10/07/2026 18:52

itchyelbowsandswollenankles · 10/07/2026 18:40

Putting it right IS the apology.

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No it's not! An apology is an apology. Reparations come after apology, not instead

RoseField1 · 10/07/2026 18:51

Tinycatclub · 10/07/2026 18:37

Ok. You’re still more cross with me than the person who called your daughter a spoilt madame without knowing her, so I do think that’s pretty weird and sad.

Show quote history

I don't actually have a daughter. I do have a teenage son who can be a complete dickhead on occasions. if I posted on here some of his dickhead behavior and posters called him a dickhead I wouldn't be offended because it would be true. I think the fact that you're so outraged that I called out her daughter for being an entitled little madam demonstrates your very peculiar attitude towards parents having standards for their almost adult children.

Sussexhaven · 10/07/2026 18:48

You are not being unreasonable, however she is only 19. Yes she’s an adult but doesn’t yet have a fully mature brain. She’s done it and not thought about, which is inconsiderate. However I think it’s lovely she’s ordered you a replacement and made sure it comes before holiday. Hopefully a learning point for her in the future!

DarkForces · 10/07/2026 18:46

HotCrossBunplease · 10/07/2026 16:23

Astonished at the “never mind” responses. I’d be bloody livid that at 19 years old she thinks it’s OK to sell someone else’s property.

Apologies are just words.

Edited

Yes. Apologies are just words but she has rectified it and paid for speedy delivery so no harm done. I hope my dd turns out so well

LottieMary · 10/07/2026 18:46

My favourite dresses are also my favourites because I’ve worn them to the places I’ve worn them. Someone else’s second hand dress isn’t really the same thing? Am I alone in feeling that way?!

Original poster
dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 18:45

Stationbike · 10/07/2026 18:35

Don't be gaslit OP.
I have a daughter that age and I too would be stunned if she sold an item of mine that dhe borrowed.

Irrespective of whether the status was unclear, who does that.

Extremely thoughtless as is the lack of apology.

I wouldn't be impressed and I would tell that it is not something she should ever do with anyone's property.

Very basic courtesy to double check with the owner.

Glad she is replacing it.

If a friend did it to her, i bet she wouldn't be impressed.

Yes. If a friend has done this to her, or if I had, she would be quite rightly furious.

imagine if I started a thread saying “AIBU to have sold my daughter’s dress on Vinted? She lent it me last year but didn’t ask for it back straight away so I assumed she didn’t want it and sold it; now she’s upset?”
You can imagine the absolute (quite justified!) pile on I’d be subjected to.

Yet when you’re posting as the person who’s item has been sold - you’re unreasonable? 😂

OP posts:
Lizchapman · 10/07/2026 18:44

dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 16:44

@Cora0 unsure how I was careless with the dress? I lent it to my daughter in good faith, expecting she would look after it for me until I needed it again. It’s been in her wardrobe since she returned from holiday last summer (so I assumed), and because I don’t wear summer dresses over winter I’d not needed it back before now. How exactly was this carelessness on my part?

Edited

I wouldn’t expect to have to ask for something I’d lent to be returned. I’m actually surprised she didn’t think to wash, dry iron and return it immediately after her holiday.

Tuesdayschild50 · 10/07/2026 18:44

Just get over it she has ordered you a new one.