To be upset with DD for this?

Good grief we really allow “teenagers” to get away with anything. This is an 18 year old who sold one of her mother’s favourite dresses without asking, without offering up the money she got for it. And just because after her mother got upset replaced it were expected to say it’s all ok? That she got in and replaced it just shows she knows how wrong she was - and that she absolutely shouldn’t have sold it. At what point do we expect 18 year olds to be adults, rather than just excusing it as stupid things teenagers do?

Thanks. I don’t think of her as a “kid” though, far from it. Which is actually why this threw me off as I’ve said. She’s generally a mature, caring, lovely young woman and an absolute delight to be around. I am genuinely very proud to call her my daughter. So that adult to adult relationship is exactly where I thought we were, hence me feeling disappointed and let down by this. Just felt it important to clarify that I definitely don’t regard her as a child; quite the opposite.

THERE IS NO GRUDGE BEING HELD!? Where are you getting that nonsense from? Have you read any of my recent posts, at all? Have you conveniently skimmed over all of the positive comments I’ve made about my relationship with my daughter and her character? That’s also very “telling”.

You seem hellbent on painting me as an awful mother who dislikes my daughter - I’m genuinely not sure why; but it’s bizarre at best. I’m terribly sorry to disappoint you; but my daughter and I are very close and I have many reasons to be immensely proud of her. These facts will remain no matter how many times you post to the contrary.

Have a lovely day 😀

Right ok… and?? Why are you “horrified” by a possible theory someone has proposed about human behaviour? It is one possibility, amongst many others. I’ve also thanked a poster literally just now for highlighting other theories about the lack of an apology, all of which are also plausible. It’s hardly something to be “horrified” by - it’s a theoretical discussion, and people’s theories will naturally differ. Human behaviour is complex - it might be a combination of some or all of the theories presented here. And that’s OK. It’s not something to be offended by, it’s just life.

And I thanked that specific poster not for that specific theory - but for her overall ability to remain objective and sensible in her contributions, which I found helpful.

@Tinycatclub
you can be “genuinely horrified” all you like - I haven’t “accepted” comments just because I haven’t individually challenged them all. I’ve had drama queen and various other unpleasant comments made about me that I’ve also just ignored, because my time is better spent engaging with the helpful, constructive comments, of which there have been many amongst all the guff (thankfully). Also, no one has called my daughter a “gaslighter” - if you had read correctly, you’d have seen that this comment was made by a poster who observed that other posters were attempting to gaslight me into believing that it had not been a loan.

respectfully, if you have nothing constructive to add, I won’t be engaging further with you - I’ve had many helpful contributions and I’d rather spend my time engaging with those.

No, none of us are perfect, I agree. Let me be clear that i absolutely do not expect perfection from my daughter (or indeed anyone). But there’s something about apologising when you mess up, isn’t there, as it demonstrates respect for the other person, and that you care about how they feel. When I mess up and I care about the person, I instinctively feel bad and apologise. So I guess it just hurt a little that this wasn’t her instinctive reaction. But I’ve reflected extensively on that throughout the thread already, as you’ll see.

also worth bearing in mind that I haven’t shared any of this with her - I haven’t made a thing of it, I haven’t mentioned it to her since, and I’ve changed nothing in my interactions with her. So as far as she is concerned, I am just normal mum as usual. The reason I made this thread was because I was internally feeling a certain way; and wanted to explore that - and in doing so I’d hopefully be able to mitigate any impact on my relationship with her. So, whilst I understand the dynamic you describe with your own mum, it doesn’t sound comparable to mine with my daughter.

You could say that about many Internet threads though couldn’t you? It’s not really for others to judge what folk “need” or “ought” to “ask the internet about”, is it? We all have different things that matter to us and affect us, world would be pretty boring if those topics were perfectly aligned between us all. 🙂

Did you bother to read those 62 posts? Or just stopped at counting them? OP is getting a grip, being introspective, listening and engaging. She’s looking at beyond the dress, because she doesn’t have the emotional intelligence of a tea spoon. You should try it, rather than spending your Saturday keeping a tally of her posts.

Did you bother to read those 62 posts? Or just stopped at counting them? OP is getting a grip, being introspective, listening and engaging. She’s looking at beyond the dress, because she doesn’t have the emotional intelligence of a tea spoon. You should try it, rather than spending your Saturday keeping a tally of her posts.