To be upset with DD for this?

She's ordered a new dress. It's done. She is replacing it. You can let it go and get your relationship with your daughter back on track.

She resolved it, so noy just words is it?

YANBU. My DD is the same age and I’d be very bemused and disappointed if she did that.

Years ago when I was 18 my brother in law lent me a couple of albums which I sold, knowing they were on loan and not a gift. To this day I don't know what possessed me, I knew it was wrong but I still did it. I think it made me feel a bit cool or edgy for some reason.I never admitted it, I must have told him they were lost in a move and to this day I feel bad about it. Sometimes teenagers do mad things. I can really see why you're pissed off and hurt, but it's great that she's replaced it

Op you have replied 74 times. It’s a dress. It isn’t worth this much headspace and it certainly isn’t worth falling out with your child about. She made a mistake and has rectified it quickly and thoughtfully. What is the point of stewing over it?

It’s truly bizarre

She’s fixed the issue. Why would you hold it against her like this? Strange

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. It’s incredibly selfish to borrow something and then sell it. To be honest wtf is she thinking. I would be very annoyed and I would tell her.

What is wrong with what @Tinycatclub said? I think they are absolutely bang on. If anything, the OP and the PPs egging her on to wallow and obsess about this non issue are the ones with issues.

Wow. Youve got issues

So reading this i thought YANBU because of course it isnt on to sell something you borrowed, and really should give it back without needing to be asked.

That said DD made a mistake, immediately apologised and took responsibility for ordering a replacement that will arrive in time for you to pack it. So I said YABU because I dont know what else you want. She apologised and replaced it.

I don’t think yabu to be upset. But she didn’t do this out of malice as you said and she has quickly rectified the problem.

I wouldn’t give it much more thought.

That surely depends on the daughter's sense of style? Not all teens wear very tight, revealing clothes. I have clothes in my wardrobe that I've had for 25 years and I am 43.

Curious what kind of dress an 18-year old would happily wear that doesn’t look ridiculous on a 40-year old. At least they still have it so she could buy a replacement - crisis over.

There was a misunderstanding, it was fixable and she fixed it. YABU.

Ponoko7
This is exactly what I thought - accidentally stained, ripped or otherwise ruined or lost - and was very much hoping you'd never ask for it back. Quick thinking on DD's part to think of Vinted and then get a replacement asap - If she's generally a caring, kind soul then let it go and be thankful you've got a bright one- just be careful what you lend in future.

This is my take, as well. I think that is strengthened by the fact that OP didn't ask for it back for a whole year!

YANBU to feel upset, confused, and disappointed in the immediate aftermath of this situation.

First, it seems like DD didn't listen at all when you had the initial discussion about the dress. You stressed that it was your favourite and asked her to be especially careful of it; she apparently heard "keep it; I don't want it". She was probably focused on getting the dress as one checklist item in her trip prep, and excited about the trip, and just not listening.

Second, "I thought you didn't want it anymore" is a reasonable explanation for why she left it in her closet until asked for it back rather than laundering and returning it to you promptly, not for selling it without asking you ESPECIALLY as she lives with you so it's no effort at all to check. An explanation that she'd accidentally mixed it up with one of her own dresses she'd meant to sell or that she'd included it by accident in a mixed lot sale or something might have been easier to accept and rationalise. It might still feel bad that she didn't take care of your cherished item you'd entrusted to her, or listen when you asked her to take special care of it, but mistakes happen. This was intentional - definitely not to hurt you or specifically to deprive you of your favourite dress, but to get what she wanted in the short term (money) in complete disregard of your feelings.

Third, she could not have known if it was possible to (almost) replace the dress more than a year after you'd originally bought it. It's a reasonable gamble that she might be able to find it secondhand or (as she did) find a reasonable replacement, but it was far from a sure thing. Just in principle, it was YOUR dress not hers, and if you'd felt that that there was no replacement for the exact item you'd worn on special occasions and had memories attached to, that would have been reasonable of you too no matter how many posters here wouldn't have felt that way and don't understand it. How to dispose of the dress should have been YOUR decision, no one else's.

I would let this go as I don't see much point in discussing it further but I wouldn't lend her anything again and yes, I'm afraid that at least for the short term, I would trust her a little less and think a little less well of her. In the grand scheme of things, though, I think this will seem much less sharp and hurtful in just a little while and things will almost certainly even out over time.

Have a look on Vinted to see if you can get a replacement

There's another option as well. She may not actually think she's done anything wrong.

Memory is fallible, she may have been completely aware that it was a loan at the time she borrowed it, but 6 months later she sees it in a wardrobe and thinks "Oh yeah, Mum gave me that because she didn't want it any more. I don't need it, I'll sell it"

And now a few months later she's still convinced that it was a gift, not a loan, and she's thinking you've lost your marbles for wanting it back, but she's replacing the dress anyway because it's the right thing to do.

When my Mum died, I did the bulk of clearing her house because I live local while my brother is 200iles away. I was on the phone to him talking about furniture, and we discussed the three piece suite. I came away from that conversation with the impression he didn't want it, he is convinced he said he did. So convinced in fact that when he came down two weeks later, he came with a van so he could take it back with him, only to find that the suite had gone.

We're both utterly convinced we're right, and will lightheartedly take the piss out of each other for it even now 5 years later. But it's just a misunderstanding, one of us is wrong, neither of us thinks it's us, so any apology wouldn't be sincere.