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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset with DD for this?

408 replies

dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 16:17

Last year I lent my DD (19) a summer dress to go on holiday with her boyfriend. I’m going on holiday myself in a few weeks with DH and asked her for the dress back (assuming it was still in her wardrobe). She said “I’m not sure if I still have it, I think I sold it on Vinted”. I was perplexed, asked her why on earth she would do this? She said “well I just didn’t think you wanted it back”. In fairness, I hadn’t asked her for it back since last summer as I hadn’t needed it yet, but still, surely you don’t sell an item of clothing someone has lent you just because the person hasn’t asked for it back yet? Just seems crazy to assume the person doesn’t want it back and is happy for you to sell it? She’s normally a caring and lovely girl, so this has thrown me off a bit as it feels really disrespectful. She offered to replace it and has already ordered the replacement and paid for faster delivery so it arrives before my holiday, but I’m still just left a bit bewildered and disappointed. Am I overreacting to be upset here?

OP posts:
Original poster
dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 16:54

RoseField1 · 10/07/2026 16:52

You're not unreasonable! She had no right to sell someone else's possession. Was she apologetic??

No, not directly apologetic. As I say, she offered to replace it once she saw that I was upset she’d sold it. I don’t think I got a sorry, though.

OP posts:
liamharha · 10/07/2026 16:53

FFS what a over reaction

RoseField1 · 10/07/2026 16:53

Twiningsteabag · 10/07/2026 16:52

But it's not just words - she's immediately rectified the problem, and gone the extra mile to get it delivered fast. Those are actions that back up her apology. I'm not sure what more you expect her to do? Get a time machine?

Edited
Show quote history

I think what's missing is any acknowledgement that she did wrong. Fine, she's replaced the dress, but it was a crappy thing to do, and I'd want to see genuine contrition and hear some kind of explanation if it were me. What if the dress was impossible to replace? If it was a few years old it might have been impossible to find.

RoseField1 · 10/07/2026 16:52

You're not unreasonable! She had no right to sell someone else's possession. Was she apologetic??

Twiningsteabag · 10/07/2026 16:52

HotCrossBunplease · 10/07/2026 16:23

Astonished at the “never mind” responses. I’d be bloody livid that at 19 years old she thinks it’s OK to sell someone else’s property.

Apologies are just words.

Edited

But it's not just words - she's immediately rectified the problem, and gone the extra mile to get it delivered fast. Those are actions that back up her apology. I'm not sure what more you expect her to do? Get a time machine?

PibblyWibbly · 10/07/2026 16:50

.

EssCarGo · 10/07/2026 16:49

HotCrossBunplease · 10/07/2026 16:23

Astonished at the “never mind” responses. I’d be bloody livid that at 19 years old she thinks it’s OK to sell someone else’s property.

Apologies are just words.

Edited

She bought another one, that’s not just words

Sirzy · 10/07/2026 16:46

NoisyMonster678 · 10/07/2026 16:35

Demand she pays you back.

Read the thread she has already arranged a replacement

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 10/07/2026 16:44

She was unreasonable to sell it but she has acknowledged that by immediately replacing it. Problem solved and you can both move on in my mind.

Original poster
dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 16:44

@Cora0 unsure how I was careless with the dress? I lent it to my daughter in good faith, expecting she would look after it for me until I needed it again. It’s been in her wardrobe since she returned from holiday last summer (so I assumed), and because I don’t wear summer dresses over winter I’d not needed it back before now. How exactly was this carelessness on my part?

OP posts:
Sartre · 10/07/2026 16:43

She resolved it immediately so this is a non issue.

dancingdeidre · 10/07/2026 16:42

dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 16:27

I think what threw me was the causal “not sure if I still have it, think I sold it…”, it’s just very out of character for her to be so dismissive, is all. But maybe it was a genuine misunderstanding where she believed I’d given it to her; however I do remember saying at the time that’s one of my favourites so please look after it.

It sounds like a misunderstanding. Your dress didn't mean as much to her as it did to you, but she's made good now.

Ponoka7 · 10/07/2026 16:41

I think something happened to it, stained etc, she couldn't face telling you and hoped you'd never ask. Easily done as a teen. She's made it right, so let it go.

Cora0 · 10/07/2026 16:41

It sounds like regardless of what you said, the fact that you never asked for the dress back made her think you’d given it to her. Which is reasonable considering that most people would ask for it back when she returned, not just never mention it again until a year later.

Selling it without a “Hey Mum, you never bothered about getting this dress back so is it alright if I pop it on Vinted?” was cheeky. But she’s a teen and she’s done a lovely job rectifying it by buying you a brand new one so I don’t think it’s reasonable to be upset at her still. I’d be upset at myself for being careless about my favourite dress but not at her.

NoisyMonster678 · 10/07/2026 16:35

Demand she pays you back.

MysticHalfWitch · 10/07/2026 16:33

She’s fixed it. Let it go.

thejelliclecats · 10/07/2026 16:32

YABU as she's bought you a brand new replacement.

Original poster
dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 16:32

Thanks everyone, seems overall I’m unreasonable, which is fair enough. And I do appreciate that she resolved it quickly, as I’ve said. I think it just threw me a bit because I thought I’d made it clear how important the dress was to me when I handed it over, but maybe she’d forgotten. I’m not in any way holding it against her, I’ve just thanked her for ordering a new one and it’s not been mentioned again. Just been playing on my mind a bit is all.

OP posts:
thistimelastweek · 10/07/2026 16:32

She made a mistake, owned up and fixed it.

I'd be fine with that.

Anyahyacinth · 10/07/2026 16:29

I voted you are being unreasonable as she has acted to fix the problem

Ilovemychocolate · 10/07/2026 16:28

I think I’d laugh if my dd did that, as it’s so bloody cheeky!
But your dd sounds lovely (as is mine) and is probably really embarrassed now, so definitely forgive her.
(Yes I’m a total soft touch when it comes to my dd)

Original poster
dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 16:27

I think what threw me was the causal “not sure if I still have it, think I sold it…”, it’s just very out of character for her to be so dismissive, is all. But maybe it was a genuine misunderstanding where she believed I’d given it to her; however I do remember saying at the time that’s one of my favourites so please look after it.

OP posts:
QuarryQueen · 10/07/2026 16:26

If it were my daughter I'd be proud of how she had resolved a mistake she made with such consideration for the person it affected. I understand it's a surprise when a usually lovely, well-rounded daughter makes a mistake that feels out of disrespect but she is only 19 and 19 year olds still make mistakes. I'd just be mindful of not holding her to 'perfect behaviour ' standards otherwise you could breed anxiety later down the line.

tuesday2am · 10/07/2026 16:25

She’s resolved it for you straight away, so you’ll have your favourite dress in time for your holiday. All fixed, no issues. If she’s generally a lovely girl and this is a one off, can only assume she didn’t realise how much the dress meant to you. Time to move on.

HotCrossBunplease · 10/07/2026 16:23

Astonished at the “never mind” responses. I’d be bloody livid that at 19 years old she thinks it’s OK to sell someone else’s property.

Apologies are just words.