To be upset with DD for this?

Cross post! Maybe she’s bought OPs original dress off Vinted!!!

She was thoughtless then thoughtful.

How did she manage to find another one though??

Is the replacement identical OP? I can’t think of any retailer that still has the same stock it did over a year ago.

Just sounds like a misunderstanding. If she genuinely was careless and unbothered then she wouldn’t have tried to rectify it so quickly. I get why you’d be pissed off initially but given the way she has dealt with it I would let it go. Certainly not worth holding a grudge over.

It's thoughtless - the kind of carelessness a lovely teen can blindside you with. So you're not unreasonable to be upset but she has taken responsibility and ordered a replacement and paid for fast delivery, indicating she isn't trying to brazen it out and does realise that it was wrong and is making amends.
So forgive and forget aa long as it was a one off!

She said “well I just didn’t think you wanted it back”. In fairness, I hadn’t asked her for it back

Why wouldn't she just give it straight back after washing it?

Clearly a misunderstanding and she has fixed her mistake. Don't understand why you are ruminating on this - you get a new version of your favourite dress and no harm done..

Did she think you had given it to her? It is possible you meant one thing but it could be interpreted another way.

My mum gave me a silk wrap of hers once. She definitely gave it to me. There was a whole bit about why did so and so ever give me this, I'd never wear it, it's not my style etc etc. I had it for a good few years, then I had a sort out and it went in the charity pile. A few years later, she asked for it for an event. I couldn't find it and at that point I'd forgotten I'd given it away. Then for ages she asked and asked relentlessly. When I remembered, I had to tell her and she was so annoyed. In her mind it was a loan only.

I am quite wary now of accepting anything from her. Weirdly I have given her actual wrapped presents and a few months, years later she gives them back. "I've still got this book/ scarf, earrings etc from you." "Yes I gave them to you - to keep." Weird.

The fact that she's jumped back in and ordered a replacement as soon as realised it was an issue really answers the question.

No, she shouldn't have sold it without asking, but she did, and as soon as she realised it was an issue, she's bought you a new one. Problem now solved, lesson learnt.

It’s very telling that OP was crystal clear that it was one of her favourites and to be looked after. You do all realise that the replacement will not be an identical dress?

To my mind, OP framed the loan as doing a nice thing for her daughter, lending a much-loved dress and the daughter in typical self-obsessed 19 year old fashion barely even listened to anything the mother said, no doubt already thinking about cocktails with her mates. That she didn’t even recall the conversation when she was raiding her wardrobe for cash is really sad. And didn’t even acknowledge the hurt when she said she’d sold it.

I bet you wore the dress on family holidays when she was younger, right OP?

As am I!

'She bought you a replacement, what does it matter?' WTF?!?

Well for starters, she's bloody lucky a replacement could be bought. OP describes this dress as a favourite, most of my favourite clothes are years old, no longer manufactured, and therefore irreplaceable. That could so easily have been the case for OP (luckily it wasn't).

And that's before we get to the not selling other people's property. OP "made it clear it was to borrow not keep as it’s one of my favourites." so no I don't think her daughter thought it was hers to sell. I think the suggestion that she damaged the original and was too embarrassed to tell her mum, is more in keeping with a"caring and lovely girl" for whom this 'I think I sold it' is "just very out of character for her to be so dismissive, is all".

OP is not being unreasonable to be upset.

(Nor would she be unreasonable never to lend any favourite items ever again.)

I think you’re being a bit harsh. If you lent it to her nearly a year ago and haven’t asked for it since, I don’t see it unreasonable that she hasn’t thought o ask you before selling. If she’s usually a loving caring child and has said she will replace it, I would accept the apology and move on without holding any resentment. People make mistakes and she feels sorry.

And how do you get on with your children?

I absolutely agree, I would be fuming!

I think the fact that she’s replaced would be ok for me.
I probably wouldn’t lend anything else though.

Good grief we really allow “teenagers” to get away with anything. This is an 18 year old who sold one of her mother’s favourite dresses without asking, without offering up the money she got for it. And just because after her mother got upset replaced it were expected to say it’s all ok? That she got in and replaced it just shows she knows how wrong she was - and that she absolutely shouldn’t have sold it. At what point do we expect 18 year olds to be adults, rather than just excusing it as stupid things teenagers do?

You are quite right to be upset about this and you actually need to have a conversation with your DD about it. I have been quite surprised over the years when lending valuable things to people, being very clear that they are a loan, to find when I ask for them back that they have been disposed with or badly damaged. You need your DD to understand that loans are loans and must be respected. It's basic manners.

The mistake was not asking for it back when she didn’t wash and offer its return immediately.

So she was originally at fault.

Then you.

Then her again - but it’s good to what she’s done the right thing correcting her wrong doing.

I don't think you're unreasonable at all, I'd never sell someone else's belongings. But, what is done is done and your daughter has tried to make good. That's the best thing that can come out of this mistake. Just don't lend anything else.

Hope you have a great holiday!

Was it expensive? If so, did she think that you'd forget about it and she could make a few quid on the quiet?

She sounds like a good daughter and decent person. It was a minor misunderstanding thats been fixed, forget about it now.

Of course she did, she had made money from her mother’s property. The fact that she returned her spoils in the form of buying another dress and said some words while doing it doesn’t mean she is really sorry.

At a minimum I’d have expected her to have mentioned at the time of the sale “thanks Mum, I’ve turned that dress you gave me into cash”. The fact that she kept quiet about it shows pretty clearly that she knew it wasn’t hers to sell.

And as for OP not asking for it back- they live in the same house I think, so it’s not like OP had to have it formally returned in advance of deciding she wanted to wear it.