To be upset with DD for this?

I’m trying to imagine a scenario in which the daughter is pulling things out of the wardrobe to sell, creating listings on Vinted, agreeing a sale, packaging up the item and sending it off and at no point does it occur to her to mention to her mother, who lives in the same house “I’m listing this one, that’s OK isn’t it”?

When you list things for sale you remember exactly where they came from. So there are only 3 explanations:

1. she did not listen to a single word her mother said when she was given the dress on the express condition that it was a loan.
2. she remembered what was said but told herself that it was reasonable to assume her mother had changed her mind, based only on the fact that she had not chased her during winter to move a summer dress from her wardrobe in one room into her mother’s wardrobe in another room of the same house.
3. she wanted the cash and decided to risk it and gaslight her mother if challenged.

Yes I agree, she’s corrected her mistake. Move on. But understand your dismay

Sounds like a misunderstanding and she genuinely didn’t think you wanted it back. Yes, she should have checked, but she’s apologised and immediately replaced it, so I think you really need to let this go. Being hurt and bewildered is a bit much.

Agree.

I also think it’s very telling @dressdrama26 that you are making a great effort to defend your feelings and behavior, and not challenging the people who are being really unkind about your daughter - eg calling her an entitled madam.

Jeez the bar is low for teenagers in 2026. These are the adults of the future - lawmakers, healthcare professionals, teachers...why are we holding them to such low standards?

She made a mistake and has ordered you a new one, as a one off I think you need to just move on.

She hasn't apologised, not sure why you think she feels sorry? And so what if she lent it last summer - that doesn't make it the DD's possession to sell!?

Ok, well my answer to your question is: no, I don’t think you’re being reasonable; I think you’re being mean. Your daughter sounds really nice though, and I think you should feel proud of her for taking responsibility and rectifying the situation so quickly.

She sounds like a spoilt entitled madam and not a very good person TBH. Not sure where you saw characteristics that made you think otherwise?

Yeah, to me replacing the dress with someone else's version of the same one doesn't make up for doing it in the first place if she's not apologised and explained why she did it. I'd be really concerned about her ethics and values TBH.

@dressdrama26 if she hasn’t said for sure that she definitely sold it, my guess is that she damaged it (so dumped it) or lost it (somehow).

I lent a dress to my SIL for her holiday, which she said she left over the balcony and it blew away. There was no offer of replacing it though ☹️

You might not have said it out loud, but if you continue to believe your daughter sold a dress she DID know you wanted then you do believe she stole it from you, and if you continue to believe she’s not being truthful saying it was a misunderstanding, then you do think she’s lying. The situation has been resolved so smoothly by your daughter, I don’t understand not just moving on; it’s going to hurt both of you to keep believing those things and holding that grudge. You’re allowed to feel disappointed of course, but equally she’s allowed to feel hurt if you continue with it.

And in the right size? Wow

She made a mistake. She is rectifying it. Move on.

If it’s from a high street shop it’s really easy to find things on Vinted. A weird quirk of mine is to look for my old clothes on Vinted. Not the actual pieces obviously, but the same dress.

I often think, remember that Karen Millen dress I wore to a wedding in 2004? I then go on Vinted to see if I can find the same dress. I always find it. Every time.

Obviously it’s from a French boutique on the Kings Road or a market stall in Marrakesh from 1989 you’ve got no chance. But if it’s Topshop, Warehouse, Oasis, Reiss, m&S, Miss Selfridge, French connection etc in the last 25 years , you’ll find it.

I think it most likely WAS a misunderstanding as she’s acted so quickly to rectify it. You might have thought you communicated clearly, but that doesn’t mean you did. You’re also remembering a conversation from more than a year ago, and human memories are notoriously unreliable!

You’re making a choice not to give her the benefit of the doubt - you’re choosing to believe she stole your dress on purpose and is now lying about it. That will make BOTH of you sad.

How exactly does a neurotypical teen “misunderstand”

I’d made it clear it was to borrow not keep as it’s one of my favourites.?

Feels bit like people are trying to gaslight you OP. They’ll be saying you have dementia next.

I doubt she thought it was a gift. She was trying to make money and hoped her mother wouldn’t notice it had gone.