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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset with DD for this?

408 replies

dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 16:17

Last year I lent my DD (19) a summer dress to go on holiday with her boyfriend. I’m going on holiday myself in a few weeks with DH and asked her for the dress back (assuming it was still in her wardrobe). She said “I’m not sure if I still have it, I think I sold it on Vinted”. I was perplexed, asked her why on earth she would do this? She said “well I just didn’t think you wanted it back”. In fairness, I hadn’t asked her for it back since last summer as I hadn’t needed it yet, but still, surely you don’t sell an item of clothing someone has lent you just because the person hasn’t asked for it back yet? Just seems crazy to assume the person doesn’t want it back and is happy for you to sell it? She’s normally a caring and lovely girl, so this has thrown me off a bit as it feels really disrespectful. She offered to replace it and has already ordered the replacement and paid for faster delivery so it arrives before my holiday, but I’m still just left a bit bewildered and disappointed. Am I overreacting to be upset here?

OP posts:
Mrspatmoresapprentice · 10/07/2026 18:08

Weird of her to sell it! If you live in the same house it’s reasonable to expect she would have asked you first?
But, if she’s ordered an identical replacement, no harm done and perhaps she’ll think more about your possessions in the future?

HotCrossBunplease · 10/07/2026 18:07

itchyelbowsandswollenankles · 10/07/2026 18:01

The thing that you forget is that in social and domestic relations there is no assumed intent to form legal relations. So it’s simply a case of a 20 year old doing something a bit silly, and making it right. Sadly her mum seems unable to move on from a minor issue.

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I think you are misunderstanding me. I didn’t say that legal relations were created. I was referring to some supposed social convention that everyone is spouting here viz. if you don’t ask for it back it doesn’t matter that you initially said it was a loan. When did that become a thing?

welshgirl2025 · 10/07/2026 18:07

bit inconsiderate but she is your daughter and has put it right by buying you another one. I dont begrudge my kids anything

ChalkOutlines · 10/07/2026 18:07

Does she sell a lot on Vinted? I wonder if something happened to dress on holiday and she was hoping she’d get away with it, then came up with an excuse , which is why it came across as thoughtless and careless when she’s not actually like that.

Original poster
dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 18:07

HotCrossBunplease · 10/07/2026 18:03

@OP please can you confirm whether the replacement dress is identical?
All this “she’s made it right” is getting on my tits.

It’s close enough - not identical but very similar, and same retailer.

OP posts:
Original poster
dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 18:06

@Tinycatclub

This is my last reply to you, because you don’t read or understand anything I’ve said, and it’s draining.

  1. I DO feel hurt and bewildered. Those emotions can exist without my day being entirely “ruined”, as you implied.
  2. i have absolutely taken on board the comments that didn’t agree with me initially - as you’d have seen if you’d read all my posts. Only a few posts in, in fact, I conceded that perhaps I was unreasonable. And then other posters challenged that - and so I engaged with those too.
OP posts:
Witchywoo41 · 10/07/2026 18:03

I voted unreasonable because she’s resolved it, I think it was a genuine mistake if I lent my daughter something, once it came out the wash it would go back in my room - not hers. I think the fact she had it since last summer she assumed it was hers, it was explained to her that it wasn’t and she fixed it. Be glad you have such a lovely girl.

HotCrossBunplease · 10/07/2026 18:03

@OP please can you confirm whether the replacement dress is identical?
All this “she’s made it right” is getting on my tits.

itchyelbowsandswollenankles · 10/07/2026 18:02

Tinycatclub · 10/07/2026 18:01

Oh, well you said you felt hurt and bewildered. That’s good you don’t after all then, I guess.

Honestly OP - it’s really clear you’ve just come for people to validate how you’re already feeling, rather than an actual discussion. Lots of people have said you’re being unreasonable and it’s probably best to just move on, but if you don’t want to hear that then that’s that, really.

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She just wants people to pile on her daughter 🤷🏻‍♀️

itchyelbowsandswollenankles · 10/07/2026 18:01

HotCrossBunplease · 10/07/2026 18:00

Or you could just say when you lend it “I want this back” and reasonably expect that not to be interpreted as “you may sell this”?

When did I miss the memo that said all loans are negated if lender does not actively pursue return of item within a certain time period? I’m actually a lawyer and the only thing I can think of like this is that rule that says that people get to keep land that they have fenced off for 12 years if the owner doesn’t complain.

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The thing that you forget is that in social and domestic relations there is no assumed intent to form legal relations. So it’s simply a case of a 20 year old doing something a bit silly, and making it right. Sadly her mum seems unable to move on from a minor issue.

Tinycatclub · 10/07/2026 18:01

dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 17:54

@Tinycatclub ruining my own day 😂 Yet more (Incorrect) assumption. I’ve had a lovely day thank you 😀

Oh, well you said you felt hurt and bewildered. That’s good you don’t after all then, I guess.

Honestly OP - it’s really clear you’ve just come for people to validate how you’re already feeling, rather than an actual discussion. Lots of people have said you’re being unreasonable and it’s probably best to just move on, but if you don’t want to hear that then that’s that, really.

Original poster
dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 18:01

@HotCrossBunplease I missed this memo too 🤔😂

OP posts:
itchyelbowsandswollenankles · 10/07/2026 18:00

dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 17:57

Eh? Even though we live in the same house? Sorry but I find this so odd. If I’d borrowed one of her summer dresses, I wouldn’t DREAM of assuming she no longer wanted it because she hadn’t asked for it back over winter, let alone take it upon myself to sell it without checking with her! I’d assume she hadn’t asked because she hadn’t needed it yet, and I’d assume that unless I had her permission, I’d be a cheeky fucker to sell it without so much as a word to her!

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Yes! Presumably you could’ve asked as soon as she came home from the holiday, or again when it started getting hot over a month ago.

She’s made it right. You’re an adult. Get over it.

Empress13 · 10/07/2026 18:00

I’d be fuming 😡 she wouldn’t borrow another thing of mine that’s for sure

HotCrossBunplease · 10/07/2026 18:00

itchyelbowsandswollenankles · 10/07/2026 17:54

Sorry but I disagree. If you want it back you take it back right after the occasion has come to an end.

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Or you could just say when you lend it “I want this back” and reasonably expect that not to be interpreted as “you may sell this”?

When did I miss the memo that said all loans are negated if lender does not actively pursue return of item within a certain time period? I’m actually a lawyer and the only thing I can think of like this is that rule that says that people get to keep land that they have fenced off for 12 years if the owner doesn’t complain.

Twiningsteabag · 10/07/2026 17:58

dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 17:52

@Twiningsteabagand where have you invented that I am “stropping silently” (or loudly for that matter)? I am not. I have posted word for word how the interaction went between us, and have said multiple times now that it has not been raised again since, and neither have I changed my demeanour towards DD at all. So I am in fact not remotely “stropping” - I am doing the precise opposite of that. I am doing and saying nothing and just moving on (as far as DD is aware at least), but have come to realise that it’s playing on my mind a little and so I came here to discuss it. I deeply regret that now, however, as I appear to have entered a bizarre parallel universe where we must prompt 20 year olds to “say sorry” for selling our items.

She's clearly not that bothered by this incident so probably doesn't think sorry is warranted. She's taken steps to rectify it - but because she hasn't said sorry you're annoyed. An oversight on her part perhaps but you've done nothing to let her know that and are silently stewing it over in your brain.

You're not moving on - you're dwelling on it and have some to get some support to do that.

Tinycatclub · 10/07/2026 17:58

HotCrossBunplease · 10/07/2026 17:53

There is no doubt and it was not a misunderstanding.

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ok, well if the OP can definitely remember word for word exactly what she said over a year ago, she’s got a much better memory than most humans! Mainly, we colour our memories with all our biases - we can’t help it.

But I’m more saying nobody including the OP can prove whether it was a misunderstanding or not, but she and her daughter (who has acted quickly to rectify the situation) will be happier quicker if she gives her the benefit of the doubt.

Original poster
dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 17:57

itchyelbowsandswollenankles · 10/07/2026 17:49

YABU. She has put it right, and to be honest if you lend someone something then don’t ask for it back for a year, they’re obviously going to assume that you don’t want it back anymore.

Eh? Even though we live in the same house? Sorry but I find this so odd. If I’d borrowed one of her summer dresses, I wouldn’t DREAM of assuming she no longer wanted it because she hadn’t asked for it back over winter, let alone take it upon myself to sell it without checking with her! I’d assume she hadn’t asked because she hadn’t needed it yet, and I’d assume that unless I had her permission, I’d be a cheeky fucker to sell it without so much as a word to her!

OP posts:
RoseField1 · 10/07/2026 17:56

Twiningsteabag · 10/07/2026 17:48

If she's normally a decent human being then I think stropping silently because she hasn't responded how you'd like is ridiculous.

It sounds to me like she really doesn't think it's the big deal you're making it into - and her lack of saying sorry simply reflects that, not any malice on her part. So you can carry on waiting for her to magically behave in a specific way - or you can tell her a lack of a sorry has made you feel disrespected/upset and allow her to respond.

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I do agree that OP should be spelling out that her behaviour was out of order and that she expects an apology.

RoseField1 · 10/07/2026 17:55

Tinycatclub · 10/07/2026 17:47

I do, but I would challenge people saying mean things about my family whether they could hear them or not.

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I bet your kids are entitled little madams too in that case 😂

itchyelbowsandswollenankles · 10/07/2026 17:54

dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 17:53

indeed

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If I was your daughter I’d be cancelling the order to be honest!

HumberSquid · 10/07/2026 17:54

If she's usually caring and lovely then surely the obvious explanation is that she genuinely didn't think you wanted it back? Sounds like miscommunication.

Original poster
dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 17:54

@Tinycatclub ruining my own day 😂 Yet more (Incorrect) assumption. I’ve had a lovely day thank you 😀

OP posts:
itchyelbowsandswollenankles · 10/07/2026 17:54

HotCrossBunplease · 10/07/2026 17:51

Not when it’s a summer dress and it is in a wardrobe in your own house.

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Sorry but I disagree. If you want it back you take it back right after the occasion has come to an end.

Original poster
dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 17:53

Weeellokthen · 10/07/2026 17:49

I would feel the same as you, who sells other peoples property. Weird.

indeed

OP posts:
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