To be upset with DD for this?

Personally, I would have expected an apology for doing it, a reasonable explanation as to why she thought it was ok to do it AND a replacement dress. Then I would put it behind me. It's unresolved for OP because the girl didn't apologise or explain. Just having a version of her dress back doesn't erase the disrespect of her DD's actions.

She didn't say it was a brand new dress?

What’s incorrect on my behalf?

You lent a dress. It got sold. It’s been replaced. Why do you need to carry on like this?

Luv ya Mum 🤣🤣🤣

Apologies are just words, yes. Immediately buying a new dress and paying for fast delivery are actions, however. How would you have preferred for her to resolve it? Or are you saying that the situation was entirely irredeemable?

Why not? Don't you exist as a person in your own right? Do you think it's teaching them good values that they can have anything of yours that they fancy?

I just don’t think there’s any evidence at all it wasn’t a misunderstanding, and I think it’s really weird the OP both wants to think the worst of her daughter and also seems to be perfectly fine with other people saying quite nasty things about her.

I think people who start selling stuff on vinted actually get addicted to it and are constantly looking round thinking what else they can sell.

I have said this before about teen using mum's stuff but I hope she has learned not to do it. If she did it to a friend it could come back and bite her in the bum.

It sound like this IS what happened though 🤷‍♀️

OK, so it does seem that you consider yourself to have been adequately compensated for your loss, which is good. With an element of betterment, actually, as you are getting new-for-old.

However, your remaining issue is the disappointment you feel that your daughter clearly doesn’t listen to you, did not give you a second thought when she arranged the sale, and has not realised without prompting that what she did was inappropriate. This has shaken your faith in her character.

I guess all I can say is I empathise with you, and it’s a shame that she will now think it was all sorted by buying you another one. But I can see why you have chosen to vent here instead of saying anything more to her.

I have two young adults and I'm finding I'm having to lay down that my stuff IS MY STUFF not generally available to the entire family as a resource. I'm assuming that this is part of the uneven and unpredictable process of learning that just as they are becoming autonomous adults their mother is also an autonomous adult - in fact she always was! I think because I have been generous with sharing - partly of course, to set the example, now they're earning for themselves the new system of 'geroff of my stuff', is a bit of a shock. Well done to you and your DD for resolving this so quickly - hopefully it won't happen again. But I'd do a full inventory of your skin care and make up just in case!

YANBU! And that’s the current poll result ☺️

OP, you were never going to get a reasoned response to this.
Mumsnet is full of crazy fuckers who delight in putting the boot in, and where the smallest of matters (as this will become) are minutely examined, commented on, and the wildest of speculations made.
I will endeavour to make you feel a little better…my lovely dd is being taking on an all expenses paid holiday (paid for by me) and I suggested we could stay another few days because of the way the bank holiday falls this year.
Bear in mind it’s a holiday abroad, I pay for absolutely everything, she’s a university student so obviously always skint.
Her reply to me? “ Nah mum, I’ll have had enough by then” 🤣
I tried not to take it personally 🤣🤣🤣

In my world people automatically give it back after using said item. Mb thats just us

No it's us as well.

I suspect something happened to the dress OP, and she hoped that if she said nothing, you would forget about it.

I suppose it's your own fault for not asking for it back after she borrowed it.😂
In my world people automatically give it back after using said item. Mb thats just us 😆

Understanding you and agreeing with you are just different things unfortunately! I understand perfectly well what you believe, I just think it’s sad for your daughter that you do!

It wasn't just words though: she has replaced it.

OP if it really is a like for like replacement, just move on.

You are over reacting here. If if was that long ago it probably just got mixed in with things.

why did husband ask for it back and not you asking for it?

You know that at 20, brains aren’t fully developed and 20 year olds still behave a lot like teens. Reckless risk taking is part of typical behaviour, being absorbed in their own world and needs and wants is typical behaviour. On the whole, nearly 20 year olds DO need correcting and help with their behaviour and attitude.This includes apologising. She may not even know you’re upset if the conversation really did go down as you said it did. If you’re upset, then have an adult conversation with her and model rupture and repair. You can’t expect her to read your mind and know you were upset if you didn’t tell her. I know to us it’s obvious it could upset someone….but she’s 19!!!!

OP, I don’t understand why you seem intent on seeing the worst in your daughter? Why haven’t you defended her against people calling her names? Even if my daughter couldn’t see it, I’d defend someone calling her names.

And - at the end of the day - it’s just a dress. This is totally a first world problem. And it doesn’t sound like she has form for behaviour like this in the past. She’s not going to be perfect. Let it go.