Page 10 | To be upset with DD for this?

dressdrama26 · 2026-07-10T15:17:28+00:00

Last year I lent my DD (19) a summer dress to go on holiday with her boyfriend. I’m going on holiday myself in a few weeks with DH and asked her for the dress back (assuming it was still in her wardrobe). She said “I’m not sure if I still have it, I think I sold it on Vinted”. I was perplexed, asked her why on earth she would do this? She said “well I just didn’t think you wanted it back”. In fairness, I hadn’t asked her for it back since last summer as I hadn’t needed it yet, but still, surely you don’t sell an item of clothing someone has lent you just because the person hasn’t asked for it back yet? Just seems crazy to assume the person doesn’t want it back and is happy for you to sell it? She’s normally a caring and lovely girl, so this has thrown me off a bit as it feels really disrespectful. She offered to replace it and has already ordered the replacement and paid for faster delivery so it arrives before my holiday, but I’m still just left a bit bewildered and disappointed. Am I overreacting to be upset here?

Sidebeforeself · 10/07/2026 18:42

Glasgowgal200 · 10/07/2026 18:42

Ask her to buy new dress

She already has! Read the thread

independentfriend · 10/07/2026 18:42

Wondering if she didn't sell it but it got lost / damaged on holiday / further lent to someone else on the holiday and saying she'd sold it felt better than admitting it was damaged / lost etc.

Original poster

dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 18:42

@Tinycatclub cross 😂 trust me: I do not waste precious energy being “cross” with Internet strangers (that would be yet more assumption). I find you draining to engage with, because you appear to be deliberately trying to misunderstand me at this point. Which is odd, but it’s not a me problem. And I find it heavily ironic that you point out how it’s “weird and sad” for Internet strangers to make judgements about my daughter who they don’t know; and yet, you’ve made repeated judgements about me throughout this thread, a person who you also do not know. Maybe you could reflect on the irony here?

OP posts:

Glasgowgal200 · 10/07/2026 18:42

Ask her to buy new dress

itchyelbowsandswollenankles · 10/07/2026 18:40

TheFormerMrsTruelove · 10/07/2026 18:35

I think this would be what upset me more than anything else.

It’s outrageous that anyone would think it was ok to sell something that they’d borrowed from someone else, and I don’t believe that any of the posters here would be so blasé about it in real life if it happened to them. It’s easy to pretend otherwise when it’s not your kid who has done it. But teens and early twenties can be spectacularly selfish and entitled, and she has replaced it, albeit a slightly different version.

I think it would bother me more that she doesn’t seem to understand that you can’t sell other people’s things, or that doing so would warrant a massive apology. I think you might have missed your window to have that discussion with her though. The time to say something was when she’d told you she’d sold it. A loud Wtf were you thinking, how dare you would have done the trick. Your only real option now is to sit her down, say you know she’s replaced it, but it has really shocked you that she’s the sort of person who would think doing that was acceptable and you want to know that she understands why you can’t go around doing that to other people’s things. Either that or refuse to lend her anything ever again and tell her you can’t trust her with it.

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Putting it right IS the apology.

Overthehillmum63 · 10/07/2026 18:38

EssCarGo · 10/07/2026 16:22

Bewildered is a bit much isn’t it? She’s a caring lovely girl who resolved the issue straight away 🤷‍♀️

Of course you’d be bewildered if someone acted so out of character but no harm done. The situation was resolved and, perhaps, it’s a lesson learned. Certainly not worth falling out over.

Tinycatclub · 10/07/2026 18:37

dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 18:35

@Tinycatclub
and others are able to see the actual situation and understand my viewpoint - so no, I don’t need to do any reflecting on why there are people in the world who can’t read / comprehend/ make assumptions/ project. That’s not a me issue, therefore no self reflection needed 🙂

Ok. You’re still more cross with me than the person who called your daughter a spoilt madame without knowing her, so I do think that’s pretty weird and sad.

Nopuedeser · 10/07/2026 18:37

HotCrossBunplease · 10/07/2026 18:29

Perhaps read her posts? For a start, it turned out there wasn’t even an apology.

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I know! I said that for me, replacing the dress immediately would be far more valuable and appreciated than an apology. And acknowledged that the OP may well disagree 🤷🏻‍♀️. Some people value words, some actions.

Original poster

dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 18:35

@Tinycatclub
and others are able to see the actual situation and understand my viewpoint - so no, I don’t need to do any reflecting on why there are people in the world who can’t read / comprehend/ make assumptions/ project. That’s not a me issue, therefore no self reflection needed 🙂

OP posts:

TheFormerMrsTruelove · 10/07/2026 18:35

dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 17:47

And that I should perhaps have asked her to say sorry. At age 20. Mind blown.

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I think this would be what upset me more than anything else.

It’s outrageous that anyone would think it was ok to sell something that they’d borrowed from someone else, and I don’t believe that any of the posters here would be so blasé about it in real life if it happened to them. It’s easy to pretend otherwise when it’s not your kid who has done it. But teens and early twenties can be spectacularly selfish and entitled, and she has replaced it, albeit a slightly different version.

I think it would bother me more that she doesn’t seem to understand that you can’t sell other people’s things, or that doing so would warrant a massive apology. I think you might have missed your window to have that discussion with her though. The time to say something was when she’d told you she’d sold it. A loud Wtf were you thinking, how dare you would have done the trick. Your only real option now is to sit her down, say you know she’s replaced it, but it has really shocked you that she’s the sort of person who would think doing that was acceptable and you want to know that she understands why you can’t go around doing that to other people’s things. Either that or refuse to lend her anything ever again and tell her you can’t trust her with it.

Stationbike · 10/07/2026 18:35

Don't be gaslit OP.
I have a daughter that age and I too would be stunned if she sold an item of mine that dhe borrowed.

Irrespective of whether the status was unclear, who does that.

Extremely thoughtless as is the lack of apology.

I wouldn't be impressed and I would tell that it is not something she should ever do with anyone's property.

Very basic courtesy to double check with the owner.

Glad she is replacing it.

If a friend did it to her, i bet she wouldn't be impressed.

Original poster

dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 18:33

@Mischance oh wow. You’d have laughed about an adult member of the family selling another family member’s belongings, when it had been made clear at the point of lending that it was indeed a loan and important to that person? I find that odd, to be honest. It’s not really a laughing matter, surely?

OP posts:

Tinycatclub · 10/07/2026 18:32

dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 18:27

What’s incorrect is that you stated I “just want people to pile on my daughter”. That’s quite an unpleasant (and wildly incorrect) judgement about my (assumed) character.

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It’s the impression you gave me as well. Maybe you should reflect on why more than one person has come to that conclusion, because you’re right - it IS unpleasant.

Mischance · 10/07/2026 18:31

A simple.misunderstandingbwhich your DD has instantly remedied. In our house we would have laughed about this.
It's really no big deal.

Tinycatclub · 10/07/2026 18:30

RoseField1 · 10/07/2026 18:23

Personally, I would have expected an apology for doing it, a reasonable explanation as to why she thought it was ok to do it AND a replacement dress. Then I would put it behind me. It's unresolved for OP because the girl didn't apologise or explain. Just having a version of her dress back doesn't erase the disrespect of her DD's actions.

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She’s given an explanation. She didn’t think her mum wanted it back. Why is everyone pretending that a loan vs gift misunderstandings has never happened before in the history of the world and there is no way it could have?

Spottyvases · 10/07/2026 18:30

HotCrossBunplease · 10/07/2026 16:23

Astonished at the “never mind” responses. I’d be bloody livid that at 19 years old she thinks it’s OK to sell someone else’s property.

Apologies are just words.

Edited

An apt username here 😄

HotCrossBunplease · 10/07/2026 18:29

Nopuedeser · 10/07/2026 18:28

Someone upthread said that apologies are ‘just words’. To me, replacing the dress immediately would be more valuable than an apology. Of course the OP may feel differently.

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Perhaps read her posts? For a start, it turned out there wasn’t even an apology.

Nopuedeser · 10/07/2026 18:28

RoseField1 · 10/07/2026 18:25

Apart from actually apologising?

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Someone upthread said that apologies are ‘just words’. To me, replacing the dress immediately would be more valuable than an apology. Of course the OP may feel differently.

Original poster

dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 18:27

itchyelbowsandswollenankles · 10/07/2026 18:21

What’s incorrect on my behalf?

You lent a dress. It got sold. It’s been replaced. Why do you need to carry on like this?

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What’s incorrect is that you stated I “just want people to pile on my daughter”. That’s quite an unpleasant (and wildly incorrect) judgement about my (assumed) character.

OP posts:

Nopuedeser · 10/07/2026 18:26

gingangirly · 10/07/2026 18:23

Reading this thread - and the other thread about the CF asking to borrow a £500 prom dress I’m seriously glad I had boys…

Ah yes, because 2 people complaining about their daughters means that all daughters are awful. Presumably you must have been an awful daughter too!
Famously, no son has ever done anything wrong, of course.

RoseField1 · 10/07/2026 18:25

Nopuedeser · 10/07/2026 18:24

Ah ok. Sad that people can’t be forgiven for mistakes though, even if they’ve taken all the steps possible to make it right.

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Apart from actually apologising?

Original poster

dressdrama26 · 10/07/2026 18:25

RoseField1 · 10/07/2026 18:23

Personally, I would have expected an apology for doing it, a reasonable explanation as to why she thought it was ok to do it AND a replacement dress. Then I would put it behind me. It's unresolved for OP because the girl didn't apologise or explain. Just having a version of her dress back doesn't erase the disrespect of her DD's actions.

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Yes - another one who understands- thanks @RoseField1

OP posts:

Nopuedeser · 10/07/2026 18:24

HotCrossBunplease · 10/07/2026 18:23

Yes, see OP’s most recent post. The shift in her perception of her DD can’t be undone; she will move past it eventually I’m sure, but buying a new dress does not undo the original act.

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Ah ok. Sad that people can’t be forgiven for mistakes though, even if they’ve taken all the steps possible to make it right.

HotCrossBunplease · 10/07/2026 18:23

Nopuedeser · 10/07/2026 18:20

Apologies are just words, yes. Immediately buying a new dress and paying for fast delivery are actions, however. How would you have preferred for her to resolve it? Or are you saying that the situation was entirely irredeemable?

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Yes, see OP’s most recent post. The shift in her perception of her DD can’t be undone; she will move past it eventually I’m sure, but buying a new dress does not undo the original act.

gingangirly · 10/07/2026 18:23

Reading this thread - and the other thread about the CF asking to borrow a £500 prom dress I’m seriously glad I had boys…