To be upset with DD for this?

@Stationbike
Thank you. My personal favourite was being told to expect my daughter to go no contact with me when she leaves home… Deeply unpleasant and unnecessary to say the least.

The irony - apparently I’m the unpleasant “bitchy” one, and yet there are posters (repeatedly) goading and implying I will lose my daughter - and over what? A post on MN where I’ve asked if my feelings are normal. In an otherwise close and strong mother daughter relationship. And yet people think it fitting and appropriate to casually throw around just about the most traumatic thing a mother can imagine - losing her child. Some people genuinely disgust me.

funny that isn’t it, that the person who created the post and who’s life it relates to, is the person most engaged and posting the most…? Imagine that? Being the most invested person in my own life. Genuine shocker.

I have come across in the tone I’ve been met with. When I feel posters have posted in good faith and are genuine, I’ve replied in the same tone (you’ll see multiple examples of this). And conversely, when I’ve received what feel to me like non genuine and at times unpleasant comments (including many insinuating that I’m a bad mother or at least one who is encouraging unpleasantness towards my own daughter), I have responded in the appropriate tone.

But do feel free to leave the thread if it’s not for you. I won’t be offended 😊

And yet here you come to make it one post longer.
It does amuse me how people express their disbelief at how I’m continuing to engage on my thread… as they continue to engage with my thread 😂

I genuinely wonder if people realise that, if they are bored by a topic and have no interest in it, they do in fact have the option to discontinue making contributions to it? Or do some people think it’s mandatory to continue to engage? 🤔

I’m baffled by this concept that ruptures and upset in relationships mean catastrophic outcomes like someone never speaking to someone again. God my husband pisses me off no end, if I divorced him every time I’d be divorcing him every week* 😂

Meanwhile, back in the real world, it’s entirely possible to love someone dearly and have a close relationship with them, and for them also to have caused you upset, whether that’s your partner, son, daughter, mother, father, etc. And it’s ok to discuss that when it happens, and it doesn’t have to mean a dramatic end to the relationship. What a bizarre and depressing concept. There’d be no relationships anywhere 😂

I’m happy to live in the real world where relationship ups and downs (in all types of relationships) are normal and easily worked through 😀

*Edited to add: I am sure I speak for him to when I say I also piss him off frequently 😂, but we tend to do this grown up thing called talking about it and repairing it. What’s cool is, this can be applied to other relationships too - even with an adult child! Who knew 😊

@BettyJoanPerske
sure, Betty. The same daughter who just called me out of the blue today after a weekend at her boyfriend’s to tell me about her weekend and to ask if we can we can go for lunch soon or something, because it’s been ages since we spent time together properly etc… Yeah, I can totally see her not speaking to me again in future after two decades and counting of closeness between us. Seems highly plausible 🤔

But thanks for your concern.

I am not “getting crosser”. I don’t get “cross” at Internet strangers, they are irrelevant to my life. I am however confused as you seem to have repeatedly misinterpreted me, eg “more and more entrenched” (what? I’ve engaged reflectively and considered views that have been presented to me throughout), and also “egging others on” - ridiculous, I’ve done no such thing and all my comments are there for people to see that.

But yes I think leaving the thread is a good idea as it’s neither constructive nor helpful, and I’d like to be able to engage with posters who are being both constructive and helpful (of which there are many, thankfully).

you’ve witnessed something entirely different to what’s actually occurred then. “More and more entrenched”, what?? I’ve openly reflected on my feelings and my understanding has actually evolved if anything! Baffled as to what you’ve read tbh.

“give her a break” how? When I’ve repeatedly said nothing in my interactions with her has changed? What would you have me do? I’m literally being the exact same mum towards her that I’ve always been. And yes, she is an indeed a lovely daughter, and I am caring, thoughtful mum who is attempting to make sense of / understand my feelings to be a better mum moving forwards. So perhaps you could also consider giving me a break?