AIBU to feel uneasy about my husband's comment during an argument?

He could stay because he has British children. I've helped people get settled status and recourse to public funds, based on their children being British.

OP from my experience, compatability and life goals, their needs being met, come before 'love'. They generally don't change, unlike being in love. He's right that he would have found another British woman to marry. I find people downplay what a patriarchal society actually means. He isn't going to feel grateful to a woman. He thinks your Mum , via being a woman, is beneath him. He's showing his real thoughts. As her 'son' he probably feels entitled to her money. He has cut his parents off because they would put conditions on him. You've got to both agree to lay off each other's family. The asking for gratitude has got to stop and your Mum not lend him anymore money. However that would impact on you and the children. As said, don't be stupid re money, keep savings separate etc. He's getting restless and could be planning an exit. His friend won't be helping.

Obviously despite his family funding him in uni in UK he didn’t want them to finance his extended visa in UK (or fell out with them due to this). It’s very strange now in UK that he’s cut off from his family living here, was it a fall out due to him marrying a woman from another culture or something else?

Not saving money for his extended visa (getting a job or second job) would leave a really bad taste in my mouth as OP and then slagging off his MIL. I bet when MIL passes he’ll gladly help OP to spend her share of any inheritance due to OP. And yes this visa business did happen years ago but to spit this out during an argument would as I said before cause me no end of worry. As it’s doing with OP.

Yes, I understand you can apply for UK citizenship after 3 years of residency.

Has he not taken his UK test?

At worst, he does think he can find another woman easily if you split.

At best, he wanted to make the point that he is not beholden to you and your family.

In either case, I would file this behaviour away and make a mental note to look for any signs of a roving eye and also make sure you are not too financially entangled ie keep your savings separate.

If you have been married for years he doesn't 'need you' anymore and can apply for citizenship without you, so I think given this it was a crap comment and nothing more.

Why don’t you understand why?

He is your husband of many years who you share kids with.

These are your children’s relatives.

The more you post, the more naive you sound and the worse he sounds.

Does he depend on being married to you to keep his (renewed) visa, or could he stay here if you were divorced? (Settled status, indefinite leave to remain, whatever it’s called)

I don't think you can determine from his comment that he doesn't love you, but you can 100% be sure that he was actively seeking to marry a British woman for a visa and if you didn't meet that criteria then he wouldn't have married you.

Talk to him.
If he started to make a habit of being nasty then he needs to get his act together.

There is a coldness running through him - just be careful that he doesn't show this more and more.

Not saving even a percentage of the visa money is strange. There is an entitlement expecting others will bail him out.

Entitled little shit isn’t he? Expect this to get worse and why would you allow your mother to pay for him even though he’s rude to her and about her.

In patriarchal systems despite whats said about your wife's mother behind closed doors, being rude to her in person is utterly disrespectful and would embarrass his family and taking money off you in-laws would be embarrassing (depending on where he’s from).

He has zero respect for you, honestly he’s getting comfy and is going to turn into more of an asshole as time goes on. Also if he comes from a wealthy family they could have sent him the money couldn’t they?

Just do yourself a favour now and get rid of him, this is going to cause you more pain in the future.

Wow. What a peach. I’d be worrying here. My mind would be going a million to the dozen.

well if he was bought up with no sense of money he's going to be bad at budgeting and not do well at having little money. (that isnt a justification, so please don't take it as such - he could very easily hold his hands up and say 'im shit with money and need help to learn budgeting')

also, youre worrying about this particular comment but it sounds like hes been making various comments for a long time that should've had you boot him out the door.

according to you, your mum is a kind a lovely woman - how do you feel about KEEPING (not bringing, because we all make. mistakes) this man in her life?

He sounds like he's hit his limit of how 'pro-women' he can be to be honest. just because he's not as bad as his mate, doesn't mean he's ever going to be totally free of his background culture's view on women. Also, you know, we know, he knows he meant he used you to get a visa. and don't assume love-bombing always comes in some stereotyped fashion where theyre all over you saying I love you and wanting to spend all their time with you. you still now remember that he didnt even message that much....? that sounds like game playing to me.

In a vacuum, I'd take it as no one would marry someone if they didn't like their family, because it's important to have good relationships with in-laws/potential grandparents of your kids. And if someone had a very nasty mum or dad, people would worry their spouse could turn into them (unfair sometimes, I know).
But you know the particular case, and while on it's own I'd let this go, is it there's other things that worry you.

He sounds quite similar to my ex as he was also ungrateful for all my family did for him and took offense when I mentioned that he never thanked my dad!

I left an abusive marriage a few months ago and ex - partner also relied on me for visa and citizenship. He actually lied to me and told me he had full citizenship throughout until during holidays I found out due to his travel restrictions.

He cheated on me with women from his own country. I left him with two babies. Be careful and don't become me.

Still, despite everything, you like him, respect him, and love him.

His man child ways are still working for him.

Glad you get along with him so well.

I completely agree.

I initially stood up for him saying it was a silly comment that has been taken the wrong way.

But he sounds absolutely awful and has no respect or love for OP at all.

You’re not his mum, it’s not for you to remind him to save for the one thing that’s allowing him to stay in this country with his wife and children.

No one would not budget for this.

Why did he not borrow the money off his own family if they are so wealthy?

I'd assume he set out with the specific purpose of finding someone to marry to secure a visa, but that doesn't mean your relationship has been a sham or that he'd have married just anyone.

I can see why he might lash out if there's often an expectation that he should be grateful to you and your family, not least because he knows it's true, but no one should have to be grateful that someone married them.

Why are you wasting your time with a man who doesn't respect you, bother to save for the paperwork that allows him to stay here with you (and your children?) and has repeatedly been rude to your mother?

Bet she’s doing it for you. She bites her tongue for you and her grandkids - I would.