AIBU to feel uneasy about my husband's comment during an argument?

That’s good too. You sound a strong, sensible woman.

It is sadly concerning what he’s said. His subsequent comments make it worse. How could he say those things about your friends even in anger? What have they ever done to him? I’m guessing they’ve done or said nothing wrong.

That’s good.

Even if this guy was the same nationality and there were no issues around visas etc I would still say he’s not a good man for you to be married to. Good men don’t insult and degrade the very people who have helped him. He is not a good man.

Thats not your fault, hats his fault but you must be aware you’ve asked your lovely sounding family to tolerate his abuse for your sake. Really think about that.

I don’t think the comment is something you’d say if you didn’t mean it because he knows full well once that’s out there there’s no taking it back. That would stick in my mind forever.

Sorry I didn’t mean to upset you.

This is ingrained into him the nasty degrading words. They won’t go away. What’s worse if you have a son I bet he’ll speak to him and tell him to be a man and behave like him. Which of course I hope your son doesn’t do at all.

Bloody hell what a prince amongst men, calling your friends harlots. You do realise that is what he probably thinks you are deep down. Your poor kids. Wouldn’t surprise me that he’s the type to take the kids back to his home country for a holiday and then didn’t return to UK.

He probably thinks he’s been living on easy street for years, as I said before waiting for your mum to die for her inheritance and knowing she’s a handy source of funds to tap if he needs to.

I really hope it all works out OP.

If he’s from a patriarchal culture he will have meant what he said about your friends being harlots, that’s what those men often think of white women.

Not so patriarchal that he won’t take money off a woman when he needs it, one notes, despite coming from a wealthy family!
I’m afraid he doesn’t sound the greatest.

What happens if his visa isn’t renewed? Are you generally supporting him financially?

I’d find that troubling too but then I’d have heard your comment as you should be grateful you have me which I’d find tough if I were him too- it sounds like a heavy argument that went wrong

You know the saying, things said in anger / argument are usually an individuals true feelings.
Your updates are very telling too. He comes from a wealthy family so technically he could afford to support himself. He doesn’t need to borrow money at any time, especially now he has a stable job but continues to take from your mum who presumably is retired or heading towards retirement in a few years? He never brought anything for himself - oh woe me or he doesn’t have want for anything?

Sorry you’ve discovered his true agenda or character.

Oh wow, that’s a terrible thing to say.

It almost seems calculated that he didn't bother to save. It was his responsibility, his visa! Even with his MIL helping him out, he is bad mouthing her. That must be so hurtful for the OP to hear.

Bet he would love to get his fingers on any inheritance from MIL despite him not liking her!

It sounds like he thinks giving him support is a due. That’s what happened when he was a kid so you or your mum helping him just the continuation of that.
Ofc being told he needs to be thankful, let alone grateful, landed badly 🙄🙄

And because there’s always been someone to ‘save him’, why should he be careful with budgeting and planning in advance?

As for his comment re another woman would do too, I suspect it has been said to hurt you back.
But it’s also a reflection of his feelings towards you.
He might be a good father, good partner etc… it doesn’t mean you’re irreplaceable to him iyswim. And he can’t take it back, regardless of how many times he says ‘That’s not what I meant’.

I have to say, my first step would be to say that, from now in, you’re going to let him handle his budget etc…all in his own. I wouldn’t remind him that he needs to save money. I wouldn’t remind him to be careful. I certainly wouldn’t propose to lend him money (and esp not your mum either) when he fucks up again. And he will I’m sure.
And I think your mum and you need to start standing up to yourselves. Letting him being rude and insulting isn’t helping either

he didn’t make any effort to save for his visa renewal whatsoever.

So he doesn't give a shit about staying with you then? Or for the children? Wake up OP, he's only hanging around because you give him things, it's not because he loves or cares for you.

This was a few years ago. A colleague, British, met someone when they were both working abroad (not his home country). They married, gave up their jobs, and moved to the UK.

He kept applying for jobs in the NHS and not getting them. She carried on supporting him while he did a further medical qualification, still no job. They moved away, and a year or three later I heard he had finally got a permanent job in the NHS, also got residence/permanent leave to remain/British nationality/whatever - and quickly divorced her.

I’m not sure how long he had been in the UK by then, but it was more than 5 years.

Well to be fair, you didn’t say no to it either did you @Plumtotss?

Why didn’t you save for this together given that you are a team and share a family?

Thar aside… you don’t paint a very good picture of him. He doesn’t sound like he’s a good person. Is that just how it’s coming across?