AIBU to be upset by my boyfriend's behaviour towards me and nephew?

Agreed, she may well soon get the ick.

But one thing I've noted over the years, is that men start treating their partners with contempt when they lose attraction. No idea why. They'll still have sex with them sure. But when they stop fancying their partner the respect towards them stops too. Odd, but something I've observed.

Regardless he's an abusive arsehole and OP sounds lovely so she needs to leave him.

He doesn’t like you OP.

Why are you with someone that doesn’t like you.

He was nice to his mates because he likes them.

He was nice to you for a short while because he wanted sex.

You sound lovely.
He sounds awful.
I know you've invested 3 years but he sounds like a moody teenager.
Unless you are certain it's one-off agginess because of the heat and the nicotine withdrawal, I'd be setting an ultimatum/getting my ducks in a row.
Because if he is like this over a fag, but nice to mates and to get his end away, what would he be like if you ever had kids of your own, especially neurodivergent ones?
Manbaby. Who chose to treat you like shit. He needs to do better.

He sounds absolutely awful. Any reason you aren't yet evaluating the relationship?

Leave him. He’s not going to change and this is only going to get worse.

I think if anything she would have the ick?

OP if someone is truly stressed out from quitting smoking his mood would be the same to you, to friends, to family because he simply won't be able to control it. The fact he can for his friends means he's choosing not to for you.

Don't put up with him and his mood swings and don't change your relationship with your nephew for this arsehole.

I know it's a lot harder to do than just saying but id really be thinking of letting this one go..

Exactly. I was snappy and irritable to DH and DS one morning last week because I’d slept incredibly badly and was stressed about work. I phoned DH at work and apologised and made breakfast pancakes for DS to apologise. That was on me.

He managed to be pleasant with his mates and stay nice long enough to get his end away, didn’t he? DUMP

No thanks. Decent people don’t take out their problems on those they are supposed to love. If they’re snappy and irritable, they own it and apologise for it.

@Brooklynboys buy him some Nicolette patches or gum, it will ease his cravings and calm him the f*ck down. He doesn’t have to go cold turkey.

You sound like a lovely family rallying round your lonely nephew.

Get rid of him for goodness sake. This guy is a total drain. You don’t need that in your life. Dump him and move on. He is abusive.

The fact he doesn't do it around his friends shows he has control over it. He wants to do it.

He's horrible. This has fuck all to do with smoking.
DH had smoked cigarettes and weed since he was 14, most of his family also smoke both. I do not smoke, do not like smoking, especially around my children. (I didn't know he smoked when we started and then didn't t know we'd be anything serious) He met me at 29, gave up almost immediately. I didn't ask him to. But he knew I didn't like it, and he didn't want DS (our eldest isn't his biological) to grow up like he did and end up the same. He hated DS seeing anything to do with smoking or vaping.

He was not nasty to anyone. He struggled, he was clearly stressed and had a shorter fuse. But in what universe would he ever take that out on us. And he did it FOR us, BECAUSE of us. And he was an incredibly heavy smoker of both. But he's not a prick soo...

He's a house devil, street angel. Get rid

What is the housing situation? He’s choosing to be a wanker with you but fine with his friends. Hmm.

I gave up smoking after 30 years.

Not once was I a twat to my DH about it. That's simply an excuse he's throwing at you to pretend he can't help being horrible.

He can. He's choosing not to.

He's showing you who he is when everything in his life is not perfect. An immature vindictive man-child who is jealous of a vulnerable child rather than proud of you for supporting him. Do not let this pass by, take it from me, it will not get better.

He sounds abusive and unpleasant. If he can't be supportive of you being kind to your nephew, he doesn't deserve you. You are a lovely auntie and that should be your priority as your family love and appreciate you, unlike your hopefully ex boyfriend.

Leave him, quickly.

It's obvious why he was nice, he wanted sex and I'm very surprised you haven't worked that out. Once he had sex he reverted back to being a nasty twat.

Get rid of him, being horrible is the real him and the only time he'll change is when he wants something from you. Don't fall for it.

The nephew part is the least of your problems with this charmer. Unless he gets some kind of therapy that makes him a better person his behaviour will only continue to get worse.

You are missing the point if you think this os about his referring to your nephew as “some kid.” The point is he is horrible to you and its getting worse. Dump him.

Dump this twat immediately. His behaviour is classic abusive bullshit. Giving up smoking doesn't give you the right to treat your partner like shit. And being a twat about you playing chess with your 6 year old autistic nephew is just disgusting. I'd be telling him to fuck right off. If you let him carry on treating you like this it's only going to get worse

I'm sorry OP, he sounds like he's being awful to you.

My husband had an awful 6 weeks giving up smoking. Maybe you could find somewhere else to stay for the short term, just for a bit of space and to get a bit of perspective?

Then after the initial 6 week devil period is over see how he is?

You sound like a wonderful sister and aunt, your nephew is a lucky boy to have an aunt who's so caring.

Some things in life aren't negotiable, you need to figure what's negotiable in your life and what isn't, that's your starting point xxx

Sorry OP, this behaviour is just plain nasty. Perhaps he feels the relationship has runs its course but does not want to be the one to jump ship. I am sure you can do better.