AIBU to make my mum go home after 3 weeks?

Time to say “tag your it” to your sibling!

between you you need a plan to help with care when she goes home but make it clear that care can’t be you. I would be tempted to book a holiday as a family for a few weeks after if possible just to physically remove yourself from the picture!

No, you have way too much on your plate and you've done your bit.

People that age who live alone with limitations can apply for attendance allowance and put it towards carer or home help support in their own home.

By taking pity on her, you might have saved the discharge team from assessing her home and setting up some initial support, which would have been good timing for starting some kind of care package as she couldn't really have argued.

She'll gradually get used to the idea if she can't manage independently. It's a big adjustment at first and does take a while. The help is out there, please don't feel guilty for not wanting to do this for her any longer, it sounds really draining for you.

Your mum? The one that spent many many years raising you and looking after you?

nah, kick her out

Why would she need a carer if her sight has been assessed as good enough to drive 🤷‍♂️ get her back to her home @Borntorunfast doing her no favours to become dependent when there is no need!

Oh can I just say this and not be called a totally, unloving a-hole? It is undeniably one of the most difficult times in life when we become our parents' mother. And it comes at a time when we're trying to raise our own children. You feel literally squeezed dry.
There is a line from a song, the woman is the mother of the heart of the world. And what a beautiful line.
But we can't do it all. And you can't do it all. You can still be a loving, caring, giving daughter while also setting a boundary. We don't set boundaries because we are selfish. We set boundaries for self preservation; so that we literally don't break. It's a really important and unselfish thing to do.

It's clear you love your mum and care about her needs. But caring for her shouldn't cost you your sanity.
I'd start looking into getting her some home help. This gives you some breathing space so that you can deal with her on terms that work best for you. Is there a chance your siblings will be willing to go in on the cost for her home care?

YANBU. I helped my mum after a hip replacement and a week of that was bad enough. And mum was very grateful and appreciative and did not moan and complain. Your mother sounds like she's laying it on a bit thick - making out her sight is a lot worse than it is, and that she can't walk when she can.

So either she goes back home and gets on with it, or she accepts that she needs proper carers and needs to pay for that.

Time to have the either/or conversation with her. Go home or move. She's either ok to live on her own or she's not. If she's crying a lot, is she too scared to go home alone? What sort of carers does she need to enable her to continue living in her own home? If she says no amount of carers would be enough, she has to decide what sort of residential care would suit her best (warden-assisted complex?). Tell her frankly that living in your house with no care package is not an option: you simply can't cope without help, which means carers coming in to look after her needs. Good luck.

Sounds like what she wants and what she actually needs are distant strangers.

Do not feel guilty.

She is an adult, she clearly has capacity and despite her wanting to be looked after (who wouldn't) it's still up to her to look after herself, or find help if she needs it.

It is common for people to want to be cared for when it is better for them, physical, mentally and cognitively to care for herself - even if this takes her much longer.

You are not being mean to send her back home, she needs to get used to it.

my mum had a mini stroke and lost sight in one eye for a period of time, she had double vision too and It made her quite disorientated however she only allowed me to stay over one night and she sent me home and has managed ever since by herself. Her vision has mostly came back but she wouldn’t want to rely on anyone.

Yanbu not one tiny little bit!

Please look at getting some support for her at home - county council website adult social care a good first step.
you deserve a break.

No not unreasonable.

You need to have a conversation pronto about how she will support herself WHEN she goes home in 3 weeks.

Be clear you are not an option.

No you’re not, but someone is probably going to have to be her carer. Can she afford some paid help? A friend, anything? Other than that you’re going to have to get tough with your other sibling. It’s absolutely not fair for it to all be on you, you’ve got a lot on your plate.

You have every right to your house, time and sanity back.