FFS! Relative upset after children could not ride my competition horses

Experienced riders have been left paralysed after being thrown from their horse - like the Times journalist Melanie Reid.

I rode a bit, when I was a teenager, so I know it is not an easy thing to do, and it is a long way down from the back of a horse.

I think some people think they are toys, not living, breathing animals who need expert handling. If my dses had ever wanted to try riding, I’d have booked them proper lessons at a riding school - because I value their health and the health and well being of the horses.

The only response she'd get from me is a link or 2 for riding schools or farm parks offering pony rides near her. I wouldn't bother to continue trying to have a sensible conversation with someone who is clearly a complete and utter moron.

To be clear, my post wasn't saying I think people should be allowed or encouraged to take pictures of horses they don't own without the owners' explicit permission. Definitely not, whether that's standing beside the horse or riding or feeding them treats - even standing beside a strange horse for a photo might be dangerous if the horse bites or kicks. Obviously standing beside them is least worst of those options if you're going to take photos without permission but I'm not saying I think doing anything without the owners say so is a good or safe thing.

I was just responding to the but why would someone even want a photo? question. For me why someone would want a photo is very straightforward, as I said, because a photo is nice and people want nice things for themselves but (reasonably) wanting something and (reasonably) being entitled to them are very, very different things. There's loads of things I may want a photo with, a fluffy dog, a tractor, a celebrity, an interestingly shaped marrow - I'm not entitled to take a photo posing with any of them without at least implicit if not explicit permission. I might ideally want more than to stand next to the animal or person, I might love a photo of me hugging the dog or shaking hands with the celebrity or hanging upside down off the tractor, I might treasure that photo for evermore, it might make my day, week or life to get it but no-one has to give it to me no matter how valid my reasons.

Reasonable people get this of course, unreasonable people don't and will just selfishly demand and pester until they get things they want but I don't think the real head scratcher is why they want them, so much as why they missed the memo that you either wait to be offered or ask once and accept a gracious no, depending on circumstances?

People just don’t get it. I have been in a similar situation several times.Kids have a few riding lessons on a very safe school pony then think they can come and ride your beloved quirky horse. I use no insurance as an excuse.
It’s like asking if your 17 year old who has just passed his driving test can come and borrow your Ferrari!

This! Good grief what a dreadful family!!

She's already shown OP she's irrational and stupid. Heck, I'd just respond with a link to this thread 😂

Or get some children that can actually ride and would manage your racehorse and share them on Facebook saying what an amazing young person to ride this race horse 😂

They can have a picture taken with a horse though. Just not on one.

Hopefully another relative doesn’t run a shooting range! Just a few photos with a gun. 🙄
Just ignore her, you were putting the kids safety above everything and she just saw it as a photo op

She’s being utterly ridiculous. Even if you have no knowledge of horses, it goes without saying competition horses aren’t suitable for anyone to sit on. Apart from being risky for the child, it’s not fair on the horses. They aren’t toys fgs.

Because the cheeky fucker wanted it for free i bet.

People like that have big dogs they cannot control that end up biting kids because they let them do stupid things like sit on the dog and poke dogs in private areas etc. usually make them into stupid tiktok videos too

Send a screen shot of your previous exchange about not being able to ride the horses etc and her agreement to that, and ask her precisely which part of this came as a surprise to her when she turned up, and why.

Obviously you’re not unreasonable.

I’d absolutely send a message “I can see you’re upset but I did make it very clear when you asked to bring the children that there would be no riding and they would only be able to look at the horses.
After I agreed to your request to visit I find it really disappointing that you tried to disregard my rules at the time and that afterwards you have been talking badly about me to others. This is not how I expect to be repaid and it’s left a very bad taste for me.”

Even if you had, you wouldn't have seen it as often as the thread-police's "I've seen this post before." What, exactly, have you achieved? I wish mumsnet would delete these. They're extremely annoying and look like deliberate attempts at derailment.

Dear Cousin,

I gather from my mum that you think I was being unreasonable not allowing the children to sit on the horse, or to feed them all of the apples they had brought.

Far from it. I was thinking of, firstly, the children’s safety: competition horses are NOT safe to be sat on by an inexperienced person, not even for 30 seconds for a photo. Had I allowed it and the horse had thrown them, what would you be saying then?

Secondly, I was thinking of the horse’s well-being. Multiple apples given at once WOULD make them unwell, irrespective of what people used to do years ago.

Horses are not toys. They are strong, wilful creatures who need to be handled properly by someone who knows what they are doing. To do otherwise is dangerous, for both the people and the horse.

I had clearly stated in advance what the children would and would not be able to do. If you didn’t tell them the boundaries, then their upset is on you, not on me.

I will sleep soundly, knowing that I have acted responsibly for the well-being of both your children and my horse.

Of course, taking a photo without disturbing the pony or horse is fine. What’s frustrating is the assumption that people can just jump on a horse to pose for social media. A horse is a living, sentient animal, not a prop or an accessory to collect likes.

@DoubleClearYay
Talk about extract the pure urine!
Some people will always be takers and make assumptions that justify their stupidity and selfishness
Quite simply they never go near your horses again
And one hopes that your parents told them where to get off as well
They probably even thought your parents would punish you on their behalf for rightly standing up to them
So don't ever discuss or invite again; simples
Reminds me of when my daughter had her tattoos done and went along for the finer details to be finished off
A girl she worked with assumed even though she'd been told, had really paid tops £100 for all this intricate artwork done so tagged along thinking she'd get hers done for roughly the same amount
When she said what she wanted and was told cost refused to believe it and accused the tattooist of lying? And stormed off
Even though a price list is on the wall
Upshot was back at work she badmouthed my girl claiming she'd lied about the prices even though she hadn't and had told girl it was minimal £2000ish
Then when she realised that people were seeing what a ceeuentee knob she was
She claimed that she thought she'd get it cheap because she turned up with my girl!
= Almost 2 for the price of one
Just don't offer any favors even if you've a speck of doubt
Is what we now say in our house.

The most I know about horses is that they have a mind of their own and no brakes…no way would I be demanding my DCs could basically do what they wanted!

I find it strange. It's one thing to go on a hack for beginners for the experience, usually with helmet and suitable footwork but hopping on a horse as if it's a prop, I don't get it. It is like these Victorian seaside donkey photos. For children surely there are plenty of beginner pony experiences to choose from. Just jumping on a horse for your insta story is dumb.

Sounds like the type who feeds other people's horses over the fence. Or chucks loaves of bread in the duck pond (unrelated but my brain linked them)

My daughter has a pony and I used to get nagged like this all the time. I used to allow popping in for a brush or something but it always led to them asking for a quick ride/sit on to take photos and it would always end up with upset so I just say no to every single request now. I just tell them our yard doesn’t allow visitors.

My daughter’s current pony isn’t a competition pony, but she’s still a knob. We used to have an old retiree as well who because of her age, people would think she’d be a plodder - she was an utter menace. Neither were suitable for complete beginners to ride or sit on for photos but people just couldn’t get it in their heads and thought I was stuck up/mean/rude/jealous (?) delete as appropriate - rather than just trying to stop their offspring from being hurt.

I don’t really understand why people think horses are shared property - see also, feeding random horses

In your shoes I would send a message saying how lovely it was to see them, thank them for leaving them an apple for later and remind her that you said no sitting on horses, then actually forward your original message?

I'm not horsey but a) I definitely know those things and b) if I didn't know them, I would defer to the horsey person when it came to having them explained to me.

I worked with a lady who used to be really horsy and nearly died from being kicked by a horse. She had one kidney. Of course they're dangerous. This woman is a fucking menace.