FFS! Relative upset after children could not ride my competition horses

My SIL did a lot of horsey stuff from an early age. She was a very experienced rider and had a beautiful but highly strung horse and my daughter who took riding lessons knew that the closest she'd ever get to that horse was to pat it's nose over the stable door. Neither me nor SIL would have allowed her on its back even for a quick photo.

Not unreasonable at all. There's only select few grown ups allowed to sit on my sensitive tb mare. That said, I trust her enough to do lead rein walks for my daughter and she is an ANGEL, but I can feel her channelling her best good girl energy in to every step 😂😂

Then they'd be screaming about why if you let this child ride, why wouldn't you let theirs!

Your relative sounds thick as shit.

They sound like selfish people who do not listen. I don’t know the first thing about horses but I do know that competition horses are not the same as donkeys at the beach and if I was visiting a person’s horse I would do as they asked!

Don’t worry OP, you’d explained it all beforehand. This is about them, not you.

The OP brought back a memory for me from the mid-80's.

We ranch and farm in the western U.S. My husband's family would use horses (bomb proof old nags) for rounding up and sorting their cattle. They weren't horse people and considered horses a necessary evil. I am a horse person and at the time owned a well-trained, high headed high stepping Morgan show horse. He'd been only used in the show ring before I bought him. I rode him in the English style and while riding, I always had light contact with his mouth. He was well trained & sensitive to a slight shift of weight in the saddle, or leg pressure. This horse had been used for breeding and had been gelded at 7 years old - just before I bought him.

My sister-in-law, in her 40's at the time, comes for a visit. My husband always told me what a good rider she had been in her teens, but hadn't rode since. The trouble is, my husband wouldn't know a good rider if one jumped up and bit him. He believed that when I posted to a trot, I was only doing it to show off. He also told me children shouldn't have riding lessons, instead they should hang on and figure it out - after their dad hits the horse in the bum with his hat. "That's how we all learned", he told me. They ride with the reins dangling down, gripping the saddle horn most of the time and kicking their heels a lot to make the horse go. Oh, and saying "ho" to make it stop.

So his sister shows up and my husband offers her a ride on my flighty show horse, whom I'm slowly getting used to riding on trails! I give my husband all kinds of facial expressions to say 'no', but he has Asperger's and doesn't do facial expressions. Long story short; horse and rider disappear into a big cloud of dust, heading towards the far distant hills and canyons. I watched my horse galloping flat out on that hard rocky ground and worried so much about his legs.

After sometime, they came back both in one piece. It was then I realized, in these parts, a 'good rider' is someone who doesn't fall off. After that ride my horse wouldn't walk up that steep trail ever again. He'd break out in a sweat and rear when I held him back. He was not what you'd call a level headed horse.

I'm not famed for tact where it comes to animals.

'Tell you what, how about you bring the kids round for tea and I'll provide a couple of bags of MDMA? That's got a better safety profile than dumping three kids without protective headwear or any experience on a horse that's way too old and way too big and way too fucked off with the world in general to be used for a fucking Instagram photo. It's cheaper than the vet bills you'd face from the stables from giving them a ton of apples, too'.

Totally agree with you. Even when I was a child we were never allowed to let friends ride our ponies and horses. They are not toys.

Crikey, your 'distant relative' sounds like an absolute nightmare.

They are obviously completely clueless where horses are concerned, and had no intention of listening to you.

First and last visit for you relative and their children to see your horses I think!

I can't believe how rude and entitled some people can be. You were kind and gracious to allow them to even visit the horses. I hate how people see animals as a cute accessory for social media. It could've been a great opportunity to teach the children something and helped inspire a love but also respect for horses. Sorry OP you tried to do something nice.

Why would she want to put her children at risk by expecting to ride unsafe horses? Were they all tacked up as she probably thought it was easy just to put her children in the saddle and go for a little walk.

Not unreasonable, ive grown up and still live local to Newmarket, owners/riders/ trainers all have v strict rules and expected behaviour around horses. I think as a wider community we have a heightened awareness of this and the amount of time, care, effort, not to mention money is in the industry. So no not unreasonable and never, ever have them over again x

Because people were talking about horses injuring kids, I read this the wrong way round like the horse booted the kid and fed her grass cuttings. I was like, she fucking what 🤣

If you want to respond just resend the original message you sent, explaining exactly what the kids would (pet, brush, feed a treat) and wouldn't (sit on, go for a walk) be able to do. If anyone else in the family gives you grief, send them a copy. Or ignore completely and get on with your life. Not your fault the mother didn't tell her children what to expect or doesn't enforce boundaries so they think making a fuss will get a different outcome.

This, followed by ‘get to fuck’ for added impact.

As a fellow horse owner - I'd be inclined to bite back. Tell your parents and these pains in the arse that they abused your hospitality, were rude, did not manage their childrens' expectations and won't be welcome again.

This is perfect when people are arguing, just calmly keep resending a screen shot of what you said and their reply

I hope your parents stood up for you against this highly entitled individual and her spoilt brats. You told them before hand they could not ride your horses so she should have prepared the kids for this instead of stubbornly thinking she’d get her own way.

@DoubleClearYay - I wouldn’t give it a second though. This person clearly has no understanding of horses at all. I mean you explained it very clearly and just the fact she said can they have a quick go for a photo for me is clear she has never been around horses.

Omg - we had this all the time growing up. School friends who wanted a quick ride, pressure to come over as we had horses but they were for experienced riders only rather than the sluggish and compliant riding school ponies that people think they will be. One day my sister finally gave in when my parents were out. Her friend gets on and tries to walk around but the horse took off with her and dumped her on a wooden fence hurting her back and we had to hide it all from mum and dad rather than get her checked out. Also with any pet YOU get to decide what they eat or not - that is standard stuff. Who are these rude people and why does the rest of the family not back you up?

They're not a play thing. If she thinks she's above the rules you stipulated, she's only got herself to blame for the upset. Tell her where to go!

I would go through them like a hot knife through butter. I would forward the messages where you told them exactly what to expect and point out that it's them that put you and their children in an awful, disappointing and stressful situation and they owe you a big apology

What an entitled shrew. She disappointed herself, and the children, by acting as though she had rights of access to your horses. I'd laugh it off. She's clearly a child.

She deffo didnt set limits for the kids in advance,probs hoping you'd crumble under pressure. I hate people like that!Cheeky cow.

For comparison: It's children like to fuss kittens and amenable cats, that's fine. But would you let or encourage a child to fuss a fully grown lion, puma, tiger or their cubs?

No is a full complete sentence. Some animals are fine with being fussed, most are not.