To think this is the most awful thing to say to a parent

Exactly. Watched my dad deteriorate and I’d definitely not put my children through one moment of that.

She’s saying that because the disease cruelly took her dad and made him someone she didn’t recognise. It’s coming from a place of hurt.

By the time they die it is a relief, for them and for others looking after them. Alzheimer’s is exhausting and painful for all involved. She’s not saying it to be mean.

We watched my fil go through dementia and eventually pass. My DH is so worried this is his fate and said he won’t end up like his dad and will do something about it if the time comes.

I can understand her point of view. It’s not a good way to end up being.

Some of the “old has beens” were concerned that people might be coerced, or feel pressure to end their own lives to avoid becoming a burden to others.

I think this thread demonstrates very clearly that those fears were well-founded.

Myself and DH have said if we got a disease like this we are going into a nursing home. I have said I would not want to be a burden on my family and wouldnt want the pressure of them visiting. In reality though they would feel the pressure.
We are both very clear that quality of life is better than longevity and there are worse things than dying.

Thank you. He's nearly 80 so generation of men who don't really share their feelings. It certainly scared him and pain control is a real issue. It does make life pretty miserable and I have to admit it changes the relationship when you are a long term carer.

That's awful, I'm so sorry for him. I think there isn't really any pleasant way to die/nearly die. Unless maybe you just went to sleep and never woke up. I'm hope your husband is ok now? X

I don't think they do work for every one. They were very effective for me after hysterectomy but they don't do much for DH, hence the overdose.

My family made the decision not to prolong my mother's life any longer by putting her on a drip every time she sge stopped eating. That is not the same as actively ending her life. I was relieved when she died though, it was no kind of life.

I agree with you about next of kin. I’m very fortunate with mine. Both of the people who’d be mine are on exactly the same page.

Whenever I have been given opiates I have vomited almost immediately even post hysterectomy (the vomiting just made everything more painful). I don't think they would work on me as a means of suicide.

The assisted dying bill was never designed to cover dementia from what I've read. I had LPA for an elderly relative, her wishes and mine were respected with DNR and not being admitted to hospital but left comfortably in care home with care and at the end sedatives so she wasn't distressed. I think it's important that next of kin or person with LPA knows your wishes so extraordinary measures aren't taken to delay the inevitable at end of life if that's what you wish. Of course wishes can change, I heard of a senior doctor who was against prolonging life at all costs until it was his turn and then was demanding anything and everything that might give him a bit longer.

It's a tough call.

The reason you can't do that is because you would not be of sound mind by the time you had dementia. You need to have the option of changing your mind at the last minute even with Dignitas.

My husband almost did it accidentally, he's in alot of pain and uses morphine as well as other pain killers. He said it was horrible, feeling of terrible panic as he breathing started to shut down. Terrified him.

Where would it all end?

With an advance directive made before a diagnosis of dementia. I’m extremely pissed off that it’s not a course of action available to me thanks to a very small group of old has beens in the Lords.

How about if the parent doesn't actually want to end their life? This is why I am against any form of assisted dying. Because people like the sister would make the parent feel they had to, to avoid being a burden.
Of course, a person with a dementia diagnosis does not have the capacity to make that decision anyway. As most of us know. Where would it all end? A Logan's Run scenario? I can actually see that happening in the far off future with attitudes like the sister's.
My own dad was psychotic for months before he died. It was so hard for him and me but rightly or wrongly, I could never have coped with him taking his own life. He was afraid of dying. In the end he died naturally, and very peacefully.

My DM died recently after having dementia for 10 years. Unutterably awful for her. i will be doing my utmost to end it as soon as i have any inkling.

There’s no nice side to dementia no matter what the adverts might try to tell you. 10 years of hell quite honestly. If anything the early years were way worse for her because she had some level of awareness. the last few years she had no clue but her quality of life was 0. She would have hated every single second of her dignity being stripped away bit by bit and day by day.

i loved her dearly but i wish she had gone way sooner.

I think what one considers what is acceptable re quality of life changes a lot depending on what’s going on in your life.

Often things that one would consider awful, degrading, not worth living for dint look anywhere the same when you’re living through them.
That’s why people with ALS/MND who thought ‘when I reach xyz stage, then I’d rather die’ have a different view when they are at that stage of the illness.
I have an illness with a very poor quality of life. It’s not that that causes me the most issues. Money and lack of carers are.

Who? They would face a murder charge.

Pre shipman doctors were more “helpful” in these grey areas but not now.

I would try and find someone to overdose me on opiates. But I'm not sure if that's really painless or not. I think life is only worth living when you can actually acknowledge your existence and surroundings.

Paul Gambaccini doesn't seem to be ready to give up. He says he was diagnosed last year, still presenting his radio show.

My cut off is where I can no longer live independently at home.

That’s too late.

I understand. It’s a difficult one. I recently worked with a researcher who is an expert on music for people living with dementia and she introduced me both to people who work with dementia patients and also a man who had young onset dementia. It was an eye opening experience for me and provided me with lots of insight to a world I hadn’t really thought much about before.

The main thing they all said was that the media depictions of people with dementia are always inherently negative. It’s always an elderly person who forgets everything constantly and has no idea which way is up. Dementia affects people of all ages and in different ways, plus obviously has different stages. They don’t all immediately start lashing out and forgetting where they are and it can taken many years to reach a stage like that. They can still have quality of life in the interim period before it progresses to that sort of level.

Anyway, I can understand her point in that I don’t think anyone really wishes to become a burden. It’s hard because they likely wouldn’t qualify for assisted death due to mental capacity.

My mum is 89. Moderate to severe dementia. Not been treated for any infections or illnesses because she hasn't had any not because she has a directive. Only tablets she takes are painkillers for arthritis

My cut off is where I can no longer live independently at home.

I am not a particularly sociable person but neither do I watch TV so a care home environment would be a living hell for me if I was mentally competent.

If I reach that stage and assisted dying is still not allowed then I'll be reaching into my own plant resources or stockpiling any prescription drugs that are suitable.