To think this is the most awful thing to say to a parent

It’s not ageism or ableism. It’s first hand experience.

I'm sorry if this has already been shared, but all those sympathetic to the idea that people with dementia should kill themselves after diagnosis, should read this article. People with dementia are not defined by their condition. There are approaches such as cognitive stimulation which can stave off decline and even reverse it. It is a toxic combination of ageism and ableism that means dementia is treated very differently from other conditions such as stroke.
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2026/jun/09/dementia-rebels-diagnosed-determined-change-peoples-minds?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

I don't think you can state that quite so categorically; it's a very subjective thing. And not everyone would make the decision to end things should that day come.

Really ? Animals have no concept that what you’re trying to do might be in their interests but actually usually it’s in the interests of the Vet and the drug companies pocket and the pet owner wanting to prolong the inevitable
Plenty of times I’ve thought the kindest thing to do would be to let the animal go and when people are spending eight £9000 on operations when there are children in this world that are going without an ice cream today cause mum and dad haven’t got the money we’ve got to consider whether our priorities are right

You sound like a total hero! X

I wish I had been brave enough to end my Dad's suffering from dementia. He was terrified, saw dead bodies under the hospital and care home beds.

It was bloody awful. I would not wish it on anyone.

Whatever she thinks/thought is her business but she should have kept it to herself. Maybe she should have said, if I'm diagnosed with it I would want to end my life and not put anyone through the ordeal of looking after me. No need to say any more, unless to the one doing the caring, I'm so sorry you had to go through that, all the stress and hard work, you must be shattered, try and take time for yourself now.

In addition, some forgetfulness is a normal part of aging. You can't be sure early on. Even medics will dismiss until it more advanced and all their peers reassure them "oh that's just getting older, we are all like that".

Exactly. People saying they'd do it are missing the point. Commit suicide if you want but don't tell other people it is their duty to do it.to

A doctor friend says a syringe of insulin would do it and would be their preferred method.

The reaction of someone expecting and dreading dementia wouldn’t be “the cheek!” if their offspring told them early enough. It would be profound gratitude.

Some of you Mumsnet followers must have the medical knowledge on how to obtain the appropriate medication and in what quantity to allow me to go to sleep permanently. Which is what I would want if I was diagnosed with early stage dementia. I'd put my affairs in order ensuring minimum trouble for family and drift off this mortal coil.

Precisely. Imagine now if your dcs told you they suspected dementia. The cheek! you’d probably say. And that’s the problem - if you have dementia your awareness goes and if anything like mil you’d be hotly denying it. Fil was convinced mil would “pull through” and be back to normal.

I know there is a lot of fear around this but you should educate yourself a little more about the disease before saying people should die once diagnosed. It’s not always the horror you are envisaging. There is a range of experience.

My grandfather died with it (aspiration pneumonia in the end), my MIL also had it. Very different experiences- it effectively reduced and revealed them each to their truest core characters. MIL a depressive, bitter, critical and unhappy woman. DGF a happy, joyful and joyous man. Grateful for everything and saw the joy and took pleasure in everything- a chat with someone, seeing a toddler playing, the most awful unfunny ‘sit coms’, food, good fudge. The friends he had at the care home at the end, the care staff. The passing of them both was peaceful too.

It truly may not be the horror story you are so sure would happen. We’d have been deprived of many years with DGF if he had followed your suggestion and I’m grateful for that time and how he was.

OP, you are right. It is disgusting to say. Does she think the same of terminal cancer? People die in horrific pain with that if palliative pain meds don’t work- and they quite often do not at the end. If not, why not?

This, in a nutshell, is the issue. All those stating they'd choose to end their lives if they had dementia are missing the point.

Thank God the legislation didn’t go through. The fear of pressure from family members is very real.

Because the sister is saying it's a duty to kill yourself, not just a valid option.

It helps to understand what you find wrong with this statement. There are people out there who actively believe in hell / think and say 'sinners will burn in hell'.

If your loved pet were suffering, you (hopefully) wouldn't hesitate to euthanise. What is it specifically that horrifies you about the view that people should be exercising their free will and ability to reason, to choose euthanasia for themselves too.

Why is it more selfish to want people to make that choice than to refuse to make it. Just questions.

Me and DH have agreed that if either of us gets to a point that we cant remember each other or any point of being together the one unaffected should try to carry on with their life. In effect the other person has died but we've never discussed dignitas or similar.

It's an awful thing to say I agree. However, I do believe people have a responsibility to put things in place for their future e.g. Advanced Directives and have a mature conversation about it. I've been through it with multiple family members and it is unfair on the children if there's been no thought given to end of life (especially when the person is in denial).

That said, the glib "I'll just top myself" responses on this thread are silly. I had a conversation with my grandma about this before she died (and was still lucid) and she said she'd thought about it many times but couldn't go through with it. The survival instinct and the fear of dying is strong.

What's even more silly is my MIL saying things like "if I get like that just put a pillow over my head". As if you'd expect your own child to end your life and risk a prison sentence.

my mum got a diagnosis fairly early on. She was well aware she had early onset and was still using Facebook, able to work, talk to people about it etc

So sorry. That’s dreadful.

@Blossomtoes My mum got a diagnosis ok.. her GP decided she was deaf & that was the cause of her not recognising family members etc..
You couldn't make it up. :-(

Well, I for one agree. I can't believe anyone's making excuses for this woman.

I agree. My late DM was in a rest home, she had mild dementia so wasn't too bad, but there were people a lot worse. The staff were lovely and the residents so obviously well cared for and I used to enjoy my visits there.

YANBU OP, it was a dreadful thing to say.