To think this is the most awful thing to say to a parent

It’s not true of all of dementia sufferers all of the time. It is true of some dementia sufferers some of the time.

People may go through a bad phase and mellow into a more contented one (or vice versa). Or have good days and bad days. Or only become agitated in the evenings (sundowning). It depends on the individual and the type of dementia.

Tbf I agree that helps matters somewhat.

Yes, unfortunately it is a double-edged sword. But I do think the poorest are also going to end up being among the most likely (alongside the richest) to find themselves being coerced, sadly.

Or leaving the most vulnerable without the means to end their suffering.

Although I agree that's not ideal, on one level it could end up acting as a built in safeguard for some of the most vulnerable...

Absolutely. It’s what I want now while my brain’s fully functional. It wouldn’t be an injection anyway, I believe it’s two drinks which I would have to pick up myself.

From experience of looking after my mum throughout dementia, capacity is considered fluid. An advance directive/ LPA requires that the attorney act in the best interests of the donor at all times, and that wherever possible they are included in decisions being made on their behalf. So a decision to forge ahead with a lethal injection or whatever the method, when they are clearly saying no is unworkable.

So yet another two tier system.

So force the lethal injection on you then?!

IMO anyone who’s had to live with dementia, especially in the later stages, would probably sympathise - not that I’d ever had said such a thing to my demented DM!

However, my DM, whose sister developed dementia a few years before she did, often used to say that if she ever got like that, she’d take an overdose.

By the time she actually did have diagnosed dementia (still fairly early stage) though, she refused to accept that there was anything wrong with her, and just got angry if we tried to remind her - so we soon stopped.

As for the ‘overdose’, she’d completely forgotten that she’d ever said such a thing, and if she’d ever hidden a stash of tablets away, she’d have completely forgotten a) that she did such a thing, and b) where she’d hidden them!

If I was to answer this for myself, the answer would be that if I later changed my mind after the point where I was deemed to have lost capacity, I don't think anyone can say that that decision wouldn't be right for me at the time simply because I was perceived to have lost capacity. There has to be a concept of capacity being lost for many legal/administrative purposes, I do realise, but I don't personally think a change of heart over AD should be disregarded simply because a person is no longer legally deemed capable of consent. Partly because periods of lucidity are part of many people's dementia experience, as has been acknowledged on here. Partly because mistakes can and do happen, and partly because what's at stake is simply too massive, far bigger than changing one's will, for example. The thought of legitimately changing my mind and having to submit to being forcibly killed despite pleading to be spared, for me personally, is too terrible to contemplate.

That's not me trying to say what other people should or shouldn't be allowed to do, note. And I do realise that a 'change of mind' clause in the case of dementia would effectively render the whole thing meaningless which is why I wouldn't personally go this route in the first place. I do recognise/respect that that's different to what others have chosen, though. I really wish there were easier answers to this whole dilemma.

My mum was aware of the signs and had gone to the doctor but as with anything, did not know for definite, was scared and was hoping it would be something else. Then it was too late.

So the next time you forget where you put your keys you'd better go through with your plan immediately, no point risking it! Also, do you really think your family will say to you, "Blossom, you clearly have dementia, time to off yourself/stop taking the blood pressure meds." Because it's not an easy thing to say.

You have to be of sound mind to change your will. Why should a decision made when you’re rational be any different?

Why not? If the test becomes available, it might not be something the NHS gets involved with, but I think I’d probably pay for it privately if the option was there.

You’ve hit the nail on the head, and one of the arguments against assisted dying. People change their minds.

It’s still absolutely no reason to say something like that to someone. And OP says the sister wasn’t involved in his care. It’s a personal decision and statements such as the sister has made here is just one more reason why a law on assisted dying should never be passed. There is simply too much room for abuse.

Remember she's been through it and you haven't. Its been gruelling. This is probably the grief talking, don't take it personally.

Agreed. Hopefully someone will be along to give me the answer to this question shortly…

How many of them said they didn’t want to end up like their mother, father, aunt, uncle, sibling etc and how many of them looked themselves when they ended up with dementia like those relatives?

I think many of us would prefer to end our life rather than suffer the decline into Alzheimer’s or dementia. The problem is the moment is often overtaken by the progress of the disease. But absolutely no one should ever be made to feel guilty about having illness or disability of any kind.

That is just not going to happen. See the ethical issues around Huntington's Disease. My family members would have absolutely used a 'death date' for expressing their wishes to die at a certain point of cognitive decline. They had advanced directives that were completely ignored. They then chose a violent horrifc end. They deserved a peaceful, planned death. I don't think the state will ever allow assisted death for neurological issues.

My good friend and I have made a pact, as we don’t want to go to Switzerland, that we will help each other out if either of us are diagnosed with dementia.

What do you mean by that? It comes down to murder.

Easy to say during a chat with a friend, not so easy to carry it out.

I live in a country where it's legal. Still took my neighbour friend 4 years before it was honoured.

Experience of what, have you had dementia?
This is the thing from what I understand of dementia. The person with it is perfectly bloody happy floating around in their little bubble minding their own business. It’s everybody around them. It’s a problematic for.
It’s not like they’re in pain

This is not true. I wish it was.

Sounds to me as though the sister is somewhat traumatised having witnessed the poor demented man and his suffering (not to mention those around him) hence her bluntness 😒 It really is an evil disease

I am friends with someone whose work is partly research into dementia, along with other brain ailments. They say a gene/blood/protein test (I’m not quite sure of the details, they are very clever, I’m not, so a lot of their work chat is just noise to me!) will eventually be available that will tell you your chances of getting dementia. Like pregnancy screening for Downs and similar.
I think it’d be awful to know that thats your future, but they think it’ll be a great help. But, if there’s a test that can tell you, you’ve 75% chance of getting sick in the next 5 yrs - well, those that don’t want to live with it, that’ll be their window to do something about it…I think I’d be in the do something about it camp.