To think this is the most awful thing to say to a parent

Not so, you can get an Alzheimer’s diagnosis quite early on while you are still able to decide things and to carry out plans. Sadly you have to find the right point when you still have sufficient capacity but are therefore still possibly fit to enjoy life. I have been through both parents and one PIL. I do not want my children to have to do it.

Yes I was just thinking my gran couldn't even get her tablets out of the little blister packs.

It's all very well when of sound mind saying you'd end it all after a dementia diagnosis, but have you ever read or watched Still Alice? Not that straight forward.

Lots of people saying they would end it, I have said that myself as I care for my demented mother and have no desire to inflict that on my family, but in reality it rarely happens. Most people with dementia don't have enough insight or capability

The thing is you can't agree to end your life if you lack the cognitive ability to make decisions.

Someone saying what she did is a reaction to seeing what dementia and Alzheimer's can do to a person. And how it's so desperately sad for them and their loved ones.

I would rather end my own life than live with dementia.

It sounds insensitive but she's sad and angry about how it felt to deal with someone having this very tragic illness.

It’s always down to who is on the site on the day I think! And then I think some people only post if the gist of the thread is in their favour.

Dementia is one of the biggest things that makes me doubt the existence of any kind of benign deity. It’s just so cruel.

It is a horrible thing to say but I can understand the sentiment. There probably are other awful things a person can say.

I’m not sure I could manage to end my own life though. I think I’d always want another minute and another… Maybe that’s selfish though.

I agree with everyone completely, but I'm surprised how pro euthanasia this thread is when some threads on the topic have been surprisingly anti or at least quite balanced between the two sides.

I agree and understand the sentiment like others, but the thing is that it's very easy in the abstract to say people should, or you would personally 'put yourself away', 'spare others the burden's, 'get on the plane to Switzerland right away' but the reality is very, very different and that's why assisted dieing legislation is so complex and difficult, and even in countries that do have established provision uptake is not all that high compared to the number of people with say dementia or terminal cancer diagnosis. When in good health you may feel its quite straightforward and that of course you wouldn't want to live through something like dementia, when it comes to it though (a) naturally the survival instinct is very strong, not everyone actually feels able to go through with it even if they strongly logically feel it's the right choice (b) timing - theoretically again, easy, while your quality of life is OK you want to live, once it's 'unbearable' you would like to leave with dignity, but where is that line of unbearable drawn? Things may be awful one day and quite good the next, or even from minute to minute, as those who have cared for someone with one of those awful diseases knows. At what point do you say the bad moments outweigh the good? And realistically as others have said by the time it's mostly bad days the person has often lost the capacity to make that choice for themselves, so you're talking about forcing them to sacrifice their last good days or hours to avoid the bad ones, that's very hard, to the point of impossible. There's also the very hard to accept and understand thing that long standing illness can change someone's personality quite fundamentally (not just the obvious ones like dementia but even the experience of going through something very physical like cancer). The person who has had or is going through that experience may feel very different about the value of their ongoing life compared to who they were before - I wouldn't call that selfish, if previously they would have said they wanted to die in xyz circumstances but now want to live, even if that does cause difficulties for their children, if we aren't allowed to be selfish about the most fundamental question when are we?

So in short no I wouldn't say something like this myself but it is difficult and also when grieving and particularly a complex loss people will say silly or insensitive things and you have to have a bit of patience and compassion too...

I suspect you’ve never endured this, so I’d dial back the judgey op.

it is one of the most horrendous things to deal with, and If she’s emotional and saying something harsh then that’s fine.

Seems a taboo thing to say, but I agree with her.

I understand what she's saying, most people say if they get a dementia diagnosis they'll take their own lives to spare themselves and their families the future horrors that might await them.
However, when it comes to it it's rare that anyone does, which leads me to believe it's not realistic that a person with dementia is capable of doing this, so in that context the sister is being very unreasonable.

I think its absolutely fine, in the right circumstances, to state what your choice would be if it happened to you. Its not alright ever ever ever to announce what other people should do.

Me too.

Yes, this is why it would be interesting if the PP clarified what they meant.

No

After caring for her dad, my mum has told us, repeatedly, in no uncertain terms that if she gets dementia, we put her in a home, walk away, and don’t go back.

If I ever get a dementia diagnosis while still having lucid enough moments, I won’t be sticking around. Hopefully we’ll have figured out assisted dying, but if not, I’ll do it myself. Absolutely no intention of going through it if I can help it.

A friend of mine was on a cruise where someone did this because he had terminal cancer. His family were with him but it was a terrible thing to do for the rest of the passengers as there was no entertainment for the rest of the trip. It spoiled a holiday that innocent people had paid a lot for. Very selfish imo.

Many people think that is the what things should be

the care system in the UK is broken so the demands on individuals are very high. It’s inhumane either way.

it’s also very expensive to provide decent care and quite a few people have that in their hearts when they discuss assisted dying

Dignitas will accept people with dementia but they need to be of sound mind and have capacity.

it also takes about six months, a shit load of paperwork and at least six thousand pounds.

realistically anyone passing the dignitas procedure has only very very mild dementia.

ive alwayts said i will end it myself if diagnosed or i;ll put something in place

horrible disease

How much care did you do compared to SIL? If it was equal then fair enough, if not don't judge until you've been through it.

I wish there was a legal way to do this in the UK. By the time a diagnosis is made, most people would be beyond planning a trip abroad plus it's too expensive for many.

And is that something that can currently legally be done in the UK?
Where I live (southern Europe) it is not.

One that leaves you or your friends open to being convicted for murder.