To think this is the most awful thing to say to a parent

Is she like… really autistic or something? What the fuck?

To be honest, I’ve always thought if I did get it I would probably do that, but I can’t say. My mother used to constantly say if she got it to kill her before it got bad. I had to tell her to stop because it really upset me and also I never understood why I was the one to have to do it? Surly one of my brothers could snuff her out and not me?

It's entirely possible!

Lots of people in early dementia can live life very normally, drive, partake in hobbies and plan things.

Agree. I saw my mum’s will to live get stronger as the dementia progressed. I don’t think it’s anyone’s place to suggest what happens to others in this situation, or to pass judgment on their decisions. It’s an utterly unconscionable thing to say to someone in these circumstances.

Condolences on the loss of your friend and your father. 🌸

To be quite honest, I was totally on board with Terminally Ill Adults (End of Life) Bill. But reading some comments here, I not convinced people wouldn't try to coerce sick relatives to die when they're not ready to. Which is a disturbing realisation.

This. I nursed my mum through vascular dementia at home. She progressed to the end stages over seven years and the last few months were an utter nightmare, despite outstanding support from GP and other NHS services. She died at the end of March and by the time the end came it was a relief, both for her and for me. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy and it prompted me to put advance directives in place for both myself and DH.

You don’t have to be ‘demented’ to get a diagnosis. My mum was diagnosed with vascular dementia after experiencing worrying symptoms. Executive function didn’t start to be affected until over three years later, and she still had periods of capacity a couple of years after that. It was plenty of time to discuss what she wanted in terms of care and to put those plans into place.

Robin Williams was diagnosed with Dementia with Lewy Bodies after his death. He is believed to have taken his own life.

I think it's a reasonable thing to say in general. I've had those kind of discussions with family and friends. But not a very sensitive thing to say to her mother in the context of what happened to her father.

That was a simply appalling thing to say. Words fail me.

I have an advanced directive already in place to require all active treatment to stop if I am judged not to have capacity. Any infections will not be treated and all regular medications like my BP tablets stopped. If I am unable to eat/drink, no artificial feeding will be put in place.

It's registered with my GP and my children who have POA.

Having visited a dementia ward very regularly and seeing my MIL die with it I do not want to be that burden. This way it's my decision and my children are relieved of the responsibility of having to make it for me.

It's not unusual for sufferers of conditions like dementia with Lewy bodies to experience lucid periods where they are fully aware of what is happenig to them.

Would you want to be aware of your awful fate and not want to do anything about it?

I'm not sure but I believe the film director Tony Scott killed himself in similar circumstances

I have a chronic condition and have told my h and adult kids what I plan to do. They don't like it but they understand why I don't want to drag on into my 70's with it should it cause problems sooner rather than later, a diagnoses of an ongoing problem such as dementia will trigger my plans sooner if need be.
I don't want them to look after me and I'm not going to change my mind. They have their own lives to lead and I want them to be able to do that.

Yeah I wanted to make an album for her, but it does all seem a bit pointless, she's lost in delusions. . She was there for me when the kids were small in a way my own mother wasn't. It's just all so depressing, he is indeed burying his head in the sand.

Exactly. Fine to think it or perhaps say it to a partner. Not something to voice more widely, especially at a sensitive time.

Also another thing to add is I’ve heard they are quite close to finding a cure for dementia . It’s all very well saying head off to Switzerland and personally i think I would like to . But there is always a shred of hope and it would be a scary prospect if you were actually going through it . It’s not really the responsibility of the person who is diagnosed to “not be a burden “

I’m so sorry. It’s utterly shit, isn’t it? To see the bright amazing person going downhill is awful. Is your husband burying his head in the sand because he just can’t cope seeing his mum like that? Mine was similar and his db, who lived nearer mil, was resentful of the burden. Nothing helps. They say to label photos, but she had no idea who we were at the end.

it’s awful and I absolutely feel for you. 💐

This is one of those areas where thoughts don't need to be vocalised and especially in such a crass way.

My in-laws are so paranoid about Alzheimer's and being put into care, or whatever else, that they check themselves online for symptoms almost obsessively.

My parents are scared that, if they have falls, they will be put into care so will not discuss any medical issues with anyone for fear that people will have opinions and take matters into their own hands.

It's just not a healthy way to be and younger people making throw away statements is just callous and unnecessary, IMO.

I agree with this in theory I think I would go to Switzerland but it’s probably easier in theory than in practice. For one thing you may not be able to give consent by the time it is diagnosed .

I agree but when do you end your life, as soon as you get a diagnosis. Would you leave it a while to enjoy some bucket things and say goodbyes. What if you leave a little too long and you forget or become incapable?

Time and place. the sister was crude to say that at that particular time. I reckon she is this way in other matters too

Many people are still living fulfilling lives at 80.

Good luck with that then.

I agree with the comment about delivery but sentiment...

Having watched my DF's decline into the horrific and seemingly unending depths of dementia over the past 12 years, I have mentally set my own use-by date to 80 years old. And if it came to it, I'd rather go now after a short aggressive cancer than have another 20 good years followed by dementia.

She’s grieving. It’s an awful thing to say but grief is weird and takes strange forms.

I genuinely think this is her way of saying that if her mum does ever get diagnosed with alzeimers in the future that she won’t be looking after her. Myself and my sister care for our elderly mum, who has vascular dementia, alzeimers and bowel cancer, its hard very hard, both physically, and emotionally. In hindsight we would have got carers to help, impossible now as she would think a stranger was in her house every day. I do mean help though, still care ourselves aswell as i pride myself that i’m there for my mum, just that it would help us have more quality time with mum. X