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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder if I’m considering an ADHD diagnosis to make up for my deficiencies

33 replies

Puppalicious · 09/07/2026 06:33

Last week I happened to be away from home with work on my child’s birthday, I had to stay overnight so wasn’t there for the morning (we usually have balloons, card, maybe first of presents), talked lots about how upsetting this was, agreed with DH I would FaceTime etc. when I woke up that morning, I completely forgot. Didn’t enter my mind about the birthday until DH FaceTimed me (it was ok on the occasion because he just assumed I waited until he was ready). I really don’t think this is normal, and really makes me a self obsessed, and fairly shit mother.
I am always forgetting stuff. In parallel, I’ve been exploring a private adhd diagnosis. I passed the first stage as high probability but am ignoring their calls as I’ve started hrt and want to see if that helps (I’ve always been very scattered but sometimes lately I’ve felt like I’m losing my mind). But part of me is wondering if I’m just curious about an “excuse” for really being not a great person (eg not staying in touch very well, struggling to focus in conversations, being a bit shit around the house). AIBU to think I should maybe just go for the ADHD assessment even though part of me just thinks it’s an excuse (for me - not other people who genuinely have adhd)? Is it normal for your child’s birthday to go out of your head?

OP posts:
CornishCornetto · 09/07/2026 07:18

Perimenopause tends to be the time a lot of women’s ADHD gets worse/unmanageable. It’s common to find that traits that were there all along (but you managed with) just get much worse and your normal systems dont work. There’s a YouTuber who talks about this - maybe Dr Helen wall?

So it’s likely that HRT will help a bit but not totally deal with the issue.

Original poster
Puppalicious · 09/07/2026 07:17

Thawtfulpanda · 09/07/2026 06:46

I'd say it's normal as a busy possibly peri woman with potential ADHD to forget. When I'm travelling for work the family become a bit out of sight out of mind.

Yes, same for me. I do actually adore them though! Child wasn’t upset though, all assumed I was waiting for the call. And in fairness I had said to my dh about FaceTime the night before, and it made more sense for him to call when ready. The fact it completely went out of my head though - what if I hasn’t been by my phone. My DH does pick up a lot of the load.

OP posts:
Crumpetring · 09/07/2026 07:04

ADHD or not I think you need to change your mindset it’s not helpful.

You need to remove the moral judgement (good or bad) from your behaviours. Telling yourself you’re a shit mother and self obsessed because you forgot to call isn’t helpful.

Parkerpenny · 09/07/2026 06:59

Technically ADHD is partly a deficit but not one you can control easily

Parkerpenny · 09/07/2026 06:59

Get a thorough assessment. To get a diagnosis, you need to provide evidence from childhood and show impact on daily life. You can really invent this evidence. Perimenopause can exacerbate ADHD but the assessors know what they are looking for.

Notsurenotsurenotsure · 09/07/2026 06:58

I would never forget my child's birthday, especially if I'm away and they were upset about that. As your test has come back as high probability yabu to ignore their calls as if you do have ADHD and meds would help then it's shit of you to put everyone through poor behaviour that could be improved with medication.

Thawtfulpanda · 09/07/2026 06:46

I'd say it's normal as a busy possibly peri woman with potential ADHD to forget. When I'm travelling for work the family become a bit out of sight out of mind.

Original poster
Puppalicious · 09/07/2026 06:33

Or to be a good mother if you forget your child’s birthday?

OP posts:
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