Equal bill splitting annoyance

I live in the UK and we've always split the bill. You look at the itemised bill and pay for what you've eaten or drunk. I went to someone's 50th last Friday - about 12 people, and the waiter went round the table with the card machine and we paid for what we'd consumed.
Perfectly normal.

Where I am from, everyone just pays for what they are having. The waiter asks "together or separate" and when you sau separate, they will bring you your individual bill. This is one of the few things I wish was the norm everywhere. I feel like all other options are awkward. Living in the UK we get to this problem and feel the pressure to split the bill equally and I feel like I don't get to order what I want or alternatively we awkwardly calculate our shares to the staff.

It’s horses for courses and I think a big factor is people’s budget , in one group of friends we are all affluent so no one worries about who has what , we split the bill evenly . In another group there are some living pay check to pay check so we have to go to cheaper restaurants and pay individually. As long as people know the score there shouldn’t be any animosity. Tell them at the outset how the bill is split so there are no surprises.
Back in the day I had one particular friend who ate the most expensive items on the menu drank expensive wine and always split the bill evenly. The last straw was a restaurant in London where she chose lobster and champagne. I had lasagne and a beer . The bill was over £140 of which mine was £37 . I was incensed when she said £70 each . I said I’d forgotten my wallet and only had £40 cash on me but at least that covered my meal haha . Her face was a picture . Her menu choices were more restrained from then on .

I've paid my share... Thanks everyone for a great time!'

nah I would day - ive paid for what ive had. Otherwise they may think you've paid a quarter of the bill, if there is 4 people. I'd be very clear ive paid for what I had.

Go up to the counter, pay your share, go back to the table and say goodbye, announcing: 'I must leave now, sorry for rushing off. I've paid my share... Thanks everyone for a great time!'

Doesn’t this put your third friend in a difficult position? So presumably they would split the rest of the bill three ways and she pays proportionally even more.

Why can’t you just bring it up? Say to them when it’s time to get the bill ‘right, it’s x£ between four…if you two add another tenner each that will cover the booze’

The fact that they are not embarrassed to let you pay for them means you shouldn’t be embarrassed about mentioning it!

if these people are friends, then you should be able to address it without drama.

Does nobody go anywhere that does separate bills or table ordering?

You ask for the bill

right, I’m going to tot up what I had - if anyone says let’s just split it, say let me subtract what I had first and then you can all choose to split as you like

im just going to pay for what I had, it’s easy for the waitress to split the bill that way. Pay by card

by the time you’ve taken a £160 bill and subtracted £15/£20
and the bill is now £140, the other person that only had a meal etc will do the same - leaving the two piss takers ( and they know they are piss takers, they’re not stupid or blind ) to pay the remaining £120 bill at £60 each

Just don’t be like someone who was my friend for over 30 years and that I’ve recently stopped speaking to over a similar issue.

She is very well off and I’m not, that’s just life but she constantly seemed to drop into conversation how much money she had or had spent and I found it frustrating and tone deaf when I’m really struggling at the moment and that’s been the case for a few years now due to a terrible change in circumstances.

She must have been keeping a tally for years about any time there was a financial discrepancy when we had a day out or eating out or similar.
I borrowed some money out of desperation and she made a big thing about how I could pay it back when I could afford it and how it was nothing to her. I was unbelievably grateful and have always planned to pay it back but then I recently got diagnosed with a serious illness.

For some reason out of the blue after being really supportive she insisted she wanted the money back and gave me a deadline of two weeks as now I was so ill and couldn’t work she decided it was a priority I paid her back as my finances are only going to get worse.

She sent me an official sounding message with the date she wanted it back but also listed money she decided I now owe her from every time we’ve split something in the past that’s been uneven in my favour.

For an example of what I mean it was like this:

Meal 3/5/2022 at restaurant: bill was £70 but I only ordered food and a glass of water to the cost of £28.
Coffee in Costa 6/10/2023 - you said you’d transfer the money when your card didn’t work - £8.70
Trip to cinema 4/9/2025 - the tickets were free and I paid for the snacks. You owe me £11
(On that occasion I got the free tickets anyway!)
Restaurant 22/12/2025 - your meal was refunded because it took so long to be ready but we usually split the bill and you just paid for your drink.

I’m glad I’ve had a chance to have a rant about it as this has only happened in the last few days and I’ve been so upset by it.

People have commented on this thread about friendships shouldn’t be transactional. I bet no one has encountered this level!

And if people are thinking that it’s fine because it’s her well earned money… it isn’t.
She’s never worked after marrying a very rich man and being a SAHM till her kids were almost adults then getting a huge divorce payout plus multiple inheritances from rich parents.
I know I’m still in the wrong for not being able to just pay it back and wish more then anything I’d never borrowed it but it’s hard not to be bitter when I’ve worked 50-60 hours a week until recent illness 😭.
Also I’m amazed that she’s kept a score of all the other things and I had absolutely no idea she’s obviously been resentful this whole time.

I really don’t get this… I’d rather just split for ease; sometimes that will mean I’ve paid more sometimes less. I’m there for the experience.

If someone’s not drinking, for example I’ll always chip in and suggest they pay less. But I also can’t understand why they wouldn’t just suggest they pay for what they have. That’s not a big deal. It’s only annoying when the people who want to pay only for what they’ve had leave off anything shared like sides, or tip / service charge so the bill doesn’t balance.

Ask to seperate the bill. Do they always do this? I don’t understand the mentality of people who don’t want to pay their own way. Where are their manners?

I wouldn't ask permission... 'Ah here's my share abd tip and bung 20£ or whatever it is dowb on the table...

It's hard for them to argue with that, without looking ridiculously CF

With pals it's never been an issue... We usually have very similar amounts of food/drink... No one cares about the odd 4-5£...it all equals out across time...

I've been in the very unequal share of bill most often with work colleagues.... The ones that order several cocktails and bottles of wine.... In a large group it's quite likely I barely know them... These are the exactly the sort of people who suggest the lowest paid members of the team heavily subsidise their drinking.... Amazingly the bill is always split in their favour.... I did object once when I was on basic salary and I ended up woth a bill 4 times what I consumed... I just put my share on the table and left... Suspect they were too pissed to notice!

She's paying double what she's actually consumed and giving a large subsidy for people's drinks..

I don’t get the drama at all. I’d happily just say “I wasn’t drinking so won’t be splitting the bill” and just pay your meal plus a tip.

If they’re funny about it, then they aren’t friends worth having.

If they ate main courses that were more than yours AMD drank, there’s no way they don’t know what their bill should be. They’re talking the piss because they can. There was another excellent thread on this a while back where a CF was renowned for doing just this and got his comeuppance and was very blustering when it came to paying for exactly what he’d had so clearly knew what he was doing. Crap at searching for threads but someone might find it. I am generous with friends but this level of 5 drinks and food then splitting and making one person pay so much more- Lots of pounds not pennies- is CF.

Just say im not drinking so ill just pay for what ive had rather than splitting tonight (put towards tip though). No one will think bad of you. I have a friend who always has the most expensive steak on the menu often with starters and desserts. She doesnt do it on purpose - just loves a nice steak and eats a lot more than me.
I can’t eat huge portions so usually just have the 1 course so stopped splitting the bill ages ago.
its especially easy if you are leaving first as you can just get £25 out or whatever and say heres mine plus a tip - bye.

That's a good idea 🙂

I had a loose work group like this. Most had a main, and a couple of bottles of wine for the table. Coffee at the end. The one invariably had entree, main, dessert, and a frangelico with coffee. Then would tot up the equal share himself and announce it to everyone. He sped off in his luxury car, to ponder his large shares portfolio (this is true). I got the bus to go home to my 2 young children. I don’t mind give & take at all and got caught a few times before I realised there was no give returned. He did it all the time. Nothing like getting others to subsidise your lifestyle.
oh, and there were times where he scooped up the waiting staff tip and pocketed it! Didn’t realise at the time as he always did the paying to collect points on his credit card.

I used to split. But after divorce it became a choice between feeling a bit mean for not splitting or not going at all. I decided to mention it to my friend when it was just the two of us. And we paid for for our own. She’s a big drinker so we would “share” a bottle of wine. I’d have half a glass and didn’t enjoy it.

in group situations it’s more awkward until as I said my colleague pointed it out.

it’s now really simple when the bill comes everyone says to the waiter what they had they pay individually. Plus a little more for the tip.

How does it even out though? In my mind t can’t even out.

Ask the restaurant for separate bills at the beginning. Or go somewhere that offers an order at table option so everyone orders and pays for their own

When the bill arrives (or soon after looking at it) say “is it ok if I pay for just mine? I paid for my one drink at the bar and my meal was £15”.

I’ve very rarely been at a meal where the bill has split very unfairly. Usually someone pipes up on behalf of others eg Sarah is veggie and pregnant, so her share needs to be significantly lower.

I don't drink alcohol and am heartily fed up with going out for meals, drinking lime and soda at a pound or two a glass while others knock back cocktails and bottles of wine and then getting the "we'll just split this X ways shall we?". Mostly now I just go "absolutely not, we'll split the food but I'm not paying your drinks bills" but I am quite confident and that might not be something everyone can do.

I have another couple of tactics for handling this which might suit. One is to take cash and keep a running check in my head of what I have ordered then put my cash down as soon as the bill arrives. The other is to go to the bar to pay my share before anyone gets a chance to ask for the bill, claiming I need to leave early or something like that.