Equal bill splitting annoyance

Of course it's not unreasonable.
I would suggest just everyone pay for what they've consumed, be it food or drink. That's the best way forward.

Well done I have the same issue in pubs with rounds if I drink 2 half’s I’m not paying for 4 pints!

Absolutely! How is it mean and penny pinching to subsidise someone else's alcohol consumption?

Oh give over! It’s not penny pinching to not want to stump up an extra £30 just so the friends can drink all evening and get subsidised for the pleasure!
The friends are the mean ones for allowing OP to do it!

They might not appreciate this, though. Or even if they do, they may frame it to their advantage: that you're refusing to pay towards their alcohol [that they're ordering copiously]; whereas YOU are expecting THEM to pay towards all of your soft drinks that you order as part of the joint bill [even though that's zero].

I don't know your dining companions personally, but when it comes to many deliberate CFs, DARVO is their very best friend. They won't 'just' hope to score a bargain with bill splitting but then shrug their shoulders and accept it if they don't get away with it this time; they will turn it around that YOU are the CF. Some may even genuinely believe it, as their own entitlement is so ingrained in their minds that, if you threaten that (by suggesting a much fairer solution), you must be a CF who is trying to swindle them.

Bad manners on their part. If there’s clearly a discrepancy in our group we will always say something like “we shared a bottle of wine but you only had an orange juice Fiona so we’ll pay more”.

Just stick up for yourself and say “I’ll just pay for what I ate as I ordered my drink at the bar, so that’s £x for me including part of the tip”. They’d be outrageous to try and argue it.

I agree. It's important not to tip it the other way and inadvertently become the CF yourself!

It's not difficult; even tiny children understand it when they learn to play 'shop': each item has a price, you have some money, and any items that you choose to buy will mean you have to hand over the equivalent amount of your own money to get those items.

In theory, if you're a group who regularly eat out together, it should 'even out' over time if you split the bill on every occasion; but in reality, it's always going to be the same people who go for the expensive dishes and multiple cocktails; whilst the others routinely go for a lemonade and a cheaper dish.

No problem whatsoever if you're happy to pay for what you choose; but not if you plan on the others subbing you every time.

It's interesting how many people fully understand the inherent expectation of big eaters and drinkers getting a subsidised bargain, when they will phrase it that they 'can't afford to split the bill', but somehow feel that it's condign and they will seem petty for objecting. It's clear as day that, if somebody is saying that, it means that one or more other people have spent way more than they have, and that they feel entitled to a sub as their absolute right.

I’m not sure the people drinking alcohol should pay for your soft drinks - do they order soft drinks?

It's almost worthy of a TV sitcom farce when they come out and admit it, isn't it? I can fully imagine Lee in Not Going Out planning that and then blurting it out in such a scenario upon discovering that the plan hadn't worked... but even he would follow it up with awkward embarrassment at having actually said it out loud!

I think it is mainly extreme Major Character Syndrome that drives these people. To them, other people are just a homogenous resource that they have to work in order to get what they want.

In their heads, it's just an 'offer' where you have to make sure that you get best value - like when shops have 'buy 3 and get the cheapest one free', so if you have 3 items each costing £25 and another costing only £5, you deliberately put the one that's a fiver through afterwards as a separate transaction.

Yes, good point. It's always been this way in my circle, and I've noticed that the waiting staff seem very used to, and set up for, separate billing.
It's so straightforward as well, I don't know why there's any awkwardness on the OP's part.

Do people who are on strict budgets not deserve a night out and to have friends?

Amazingly, the CFs will keep a completely straight face when they tell you that, if you can't afford to pay for your own food and drink and also a hefty chunk of theirs, YOU can't afford to join in and go to the meal.

THEY, on the other hand, can afford it, even when they're relying on a big sub from you and the other moderate consumers to pay for much of theirs; but somehow it's YOU who is being unreasonable and trying to live beyond your means!

I have managed to pay for my own meals, but in a very few restaurants it has worked as smoothly where the waiter asks "separately?" And you just get your own bill. It does happen but more often it has invovled pointing out what you ordered and making calculations etc. But glad to know getting separate bills is normal and I've been to just weird places 😅

I think soon when cashapps will arrive everywhere and people can just swipe to transfer money, these will become easier aswell.

If their bill was 50 and mine was 20 i would not find that awkward at all. I'd say mine is 20 and pay that

I’ve never ever spilt the bill this way and never would.

The only time I’ve ever split the bill is when we both have ordered off the same menu and shared a bottle of wine and so the cost is literally half.

Never would I pay for someone else’s drinks or expensive food.
I would absolutely refuse my friends to pay for my alcohol if they were barely drinking or not drinking at all.

Your ‘friends’ are CFs

I think your message is perfect and will hopefully allow the third person to say the same.

I'm going to disagree. You're "happy to split the food bill"? No. At the start of the meal, just make it clear - everyone pays for what they eat and drink. Perfectly normal, perfectly reasonable.
No need for notes or chatgpt or excusing yourself.
The last time I did this with friends we even added on whatever % we chose as a tip.
So, when the bill arrives, say to the waiting staff- "we're paying separately please, mine comes to £25 including the tip" present card. Next person. Done.

Say something at the start. The heavy drinker is reliant on you being so meek and passive that you fund his alcohol for him.

Why is it hard to disagree? You say, no, your bill is X and mine is Y.

It’s not awkward to disagree / take the bill, grab a calculator and say something like “ those who had alcohol pay 75 and the others 25”

although think you should say at the very start that you won’t be splitting bill evenly but only paying for what you have

I genuinely don't understand this. There are only 4 of you. You order what you want. At the end, you pay for what you've consumed. It's not hard - it's normal in every restaurant.