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Original poster

Equal bill splitting annoyance

407 replies

Adfreefreezer · 08/07/2026 19:55

Just after some balanced opinions.

Context is that 4 of us old work colleagues meet for dinner 2 or 3 times a year.

We always split the bill equally between us.

Last time we met last week it was noticeable that 2 of us including me ordered a drink at the bar when we arrived and then paid for it ourselves and then found our table and didn't drink any more.

Other 2 ordered all drinks at the table to go on the group tab and had 4 or 5 alcoholic drinks.

I had a main at 15 quid, others ordered mains all about 20 to 22 each, no issue there.

However the bill came to just over 160 plus tip and we all paid about 45 each, it really struck home that 2 of us are massively subsidising the others 2 alcohol !

Don't want to spoil the atmosphere but equally it's irritating !

No one skint , all working

What is a pleasant way to put a stop to this ?! Without being mean or penny pinching

OP posts:
12234m · 09/07/2026 19:33

Don't say you hope that's okay and if he's pissed and you feel awkward,that's on you.

MasterBeth · 09/07/2026 19:27

AccordingToWhom · 09/07/2026 19:12

Nobody is suggesting anything like that. You are making up ridiculous scenarios to try and make yourself look less unreasonable.

Show quote history

No, I am making up ridiculous situations to try and make the previous poster think of relationships beyond the transactional, which she said she found impossible.

Minasama · 09/07/2026 19:25

“Guys, if you’re ok I’m going to get my own bill since I don’t drink any alcohol.”

But people who are selfish/thoughtless like this may not react well.

MasterBeth · 09/07/2026 19:23

PayThe · 09/07/2026 18:24

But equally rude of the others not to offer.

My last night out, my friend totted up her alcohol bill (£35 over the rest of us) before splitting the rest. We wouldn’t have been worried but great that she did.

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Yes.

Everyone should approach these situations in a spirit of generosity, not in a spirit of penny-pinching.

AccordingToWhom · 09/07/2026 19:12

MasterBeth · 09/07/2026 13:58

You can't imagine a friendship that is about more than the cost of meals out and car journeys to get there?

When I think of the to and fro, give and take of my friendships, they are about both parties generously sharing their time, money and attention on each other, sometimes unevenly, over the course of many years. If I took out a notebook at any particular moment to jot down the transactional cost of any single evening out, I would kill the friendship dead in an instant.

"What about that ice cream you bought me on holiday in the 2000s when my cash card got lost in the machine?"

"You still owe me for the flowers I sent you when your Dad died."

"Remember when I picked your kids up from Brownies because you locked your keys in your car? I don't think you ever gave me a contribution for the petrol..."

Show quote history

Nobody is suggesting anything like that. You are making up ridiculous scenarios to try and make yourself look less unreasonable.

LAC350 · 09/07/2026 19:11

Next time suggest cost of food is split equally but that each should pay for their own alcoholic drinks

Jack80 · 09/07/2026 19:11

I would only pay what I had ordered plus a tip

youngwhippersnapper · 09/07/2026 19:08

Just all put cash in to cover your own food and drink, and a bit over for a tip.

Laura95167 · 09/07/2026 18:57

MasterBeth · 08/07/2026 20:08

Unless you can't afford it, you are being mean and penny pinching.

Think of your evening out as a chance to enjoy your friend's company, not a shopping expedition.

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Id argue she wasnt penny pinching but they were entitled.

Meeatcheese · 09/07/2026 18:54

you have the right to state at the beginning that you wish to pay for your own food and drink, and then just shut up about it. It’s not a debate. They may think you are judgemental about their drinking, and maybe you are, but do it your way and let them do it theirs.

Ibrox · 09/07/2026 18:53

MasterBeth · 08/07/2026 20:08

Unless you can't afford it, you are being mean and penny pinching.

Think of your evening out as a chance to enjoy your friend's company, not a shopping expedition.

Show quote history

Oh, it looks like the OP's friends have got themselves a Mumsnet login...😆

MrsVBS · 09/07/2026 18:50

Make it clear at the beginning you’ll only be paying for what you’ve had. It’s annoying when you pay way more when others have been drinking and you haven’t, food not so worried about as most things are roughly the same price. Just make note how much your dish and drink is and tell it straight.

NewKidOnTheBlock99 · 09/07/2026 18:46

In these situations as soon as the bill hits the table I always say does anyone mind if I take mine off & will add service charge (I.e only pay for what I’ve had) sometimes I’ll say because I’m on a budget - no one has ever had an issue with it. I think it’s because I’m quite happy to split most of the time!

AccordingToWhom · 09/07/2026 18:42

MasterBeth · 08/07/2026 20:08

Unless you can't afford it, you are being mean and penny pinching.

Think of your evening out as a chance to enjoy your friend's company, not a shopping expedition.

Show quote history

Found the cheeky fucker.

Whatinthedoopla · 09/07/2026 18:36

Jaxhog · 09/07/2026 18:25

I'd hate to be your friend!

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I bet you are the person ordering loads and not paying your fair share

MyDeftDuck · 09/07/2026 18:35

When the cheeky pair order drinks at the table why not tell the waiter to open a second tab for those drinks?? Be polite, be assertive and smile when you say it.

Lollylucyclark101 · 09/07/2026 18:32

Adfreefreezer · 08/07/2026 19:55

Just after some balanced opinions.

Context is that 4 of us old work colleagues meet for dinner 2 or 3 times a year.

We always split the bill equally between us.

Last time we met last week it was noticeable that 2 of us including me ordered a drink at the bar when we arrived and then paid for it ourselves and then found our table and didn't drink any more.

Other 2 ordered all drinks at the table to go on the group tab and had 4 or 5 alcoholic drinks.

I had a main at 15 quid, others ordered mains all about 20 to 22 each, no issue there.

However the bill came to just over 160 plus tip and we all paid about 45 each, it really struck home that 2 of us are massively subsidising the others 2 alcohol !

Don't want to spoil the atmosphere but equally it's irritating !

No one skint , all working

What is a pleasant way to put a stop to this ?! Without being mean or penny pinching

I will never understand “splitting the bill”.

just pay for what you ordered. I’m not paying for someone else’s meal and alcohol unless it’s for planned and for a birthday or something.

think it’s just really rude to assume!

PorridgeEater · 09/07/2026 18:31

Each person pays their own bill - simple.
Waiting staff should be able to cope with this.

Grammarninja · 09/07/2026 18:30

It's really gauche of your drinker friends not to notice this. I always drink at dinner but am highly aware of those that don't and will make a big deal of not allowing them to split the bill evenly. I'd die if I left a restaurant not having paid my fair share or more.

MibsXX · 09/07/2026 18:29

MasterBeth · 08/07/2026 20:53

It's funny to me that some people can't grasp the idea of being generous to your friends, the people who you are supposed to like and care for.

theres being generous now and then, and being continuously taken advantage of... friends aren't personal ATMs!

Jaxhog · 09/07/2026 18:27

Bingbangboo · 09/07/2026 18:22

If everyone ordered a salad, or a small single course, and a glass of tap water you would be in and out of the restaurant in less than 30 minutes. I feel like people who do this are taking advantage of other people's willingness to spend to get a good night out on the cheap. I think if you are willing to be enjoying yourself at the table, chatting and laughing, you should be paying your way to be there.

Show quote history

So to enjoy your company, I need to stump up for your steak and 3 bottles of wine?? I'd need to like someone a great deal to do this. Which I wouldn't if they were that grabby.

Jaxhog · 09/07/2026 18:25

Whatinthedoopla · 09/07/2026 18:07

How about you just take cash?

Then when the bill comes over, you say 'oh my card isn't working, that's all I have in cash'.

That way. If you do pay over, it's not going be £30 over

I'd hate to be your friend!

PayThe · 09/07/2026 18:24

MasterBeth · 08/07/2026 20:08

Unless you can't afford it, you are being mean and penny pinching.

Think of your evening out as a chance to enjoy your friend's company, not a shopping expedition.

Show quote history

But equally rude of the others not to offer.

My last night out, my friend totted up her alcohol bill (£35 over the rest of us) before splitting the rest. We wouldn’t have been worried but great that she did.

Jaxhog · 09/07/2026 18:23

We split the bill with some people, when they have similar eating and drink habits. Some others, who drink a lot, we don't. We had to do this with one set of friends who would order 2 or 3 bottles of wine. I rarely drink (and not wine), and my DH does the driving. It caused a few huffs, but they understood why.

Bingbangboo · 09/07/2026 18:22

StripedTee · 08/07/2026 20:19

What's irritating about someone ordering a cheaper option?

Show quote history

If everyone ordered a salad, or a small single course, and a glass of tap water you would be in and out of the restaurant in less than 30 minutes. I feel like people who do this are taking advantage of other people's willingness to spend to get a good night out on the cheap. I think if you are willing to be enjoying yourself at the table, chatting and laughing, you should be paying your way to be there.