Equal bill splitting annoyance

Yep. If we (sister, BIL, niece, her husband, me and Dh) go out we have such a good time. We enjoy our evening because we love each other. It’s the experience you are paying for, not nit-picking who’s had what. Never done it. Couldn’t bear it. Dh doesn’t drink btw

I agree things should change if you want them to, but I'm going to buck the trend slightly and say that they might not be taking the piss or being deliberately greedy or anything like that. There is a very good chance that they just haven't thought about it much.
They order what they want.
You order what you want.
Then the bill comes and it is split.
They might not be factoring in the discrepancy. I agree 100% that they should, but some people genuinely don't think about it. So please don't automatically worry that your friends are not as good friends as you previously thought, OP. I'm sure they adore you and your company and this is just a routine that needs changing because it is bothering you and it isn't really fair.

This sort of thing has always driven me mad. I remember years ago being shamed by saying I only wanted to pay for my own food, when I was a lowly assistant on a pittance so had only ordered a cheap main to save money and other's including my boss had had booze and three courses. I was bloody raging and was adamant I would not let that happen again.

Luckily the friendship group I tend to eat out with now are all very happy to get the bill separated into what we’ve all had individually. No faff, everyone’s happy. I do have one friend who has huge form for not buying drinks / getting her round. We’re all wise to it now and won’t let her get away with it. To the point of saying “so Susan it’s your round now, i’ll have a pint, thanks”

You think £30 extra is penny pinching? Another rich mumsnetter.

😂

They are still ordering 4-5 alcoholic drinks. Everyone just pay for what you ordered or split drinks separately.

I'm quite shocked that none of your friends have picked up on the fact that you don't drink, OP, and adjusted your share of the bill accordingly.

I can't imagine being so mean-spirited to my non-drinking friends.

Splitting the bill equally only works if either, everyone has roughly the same each time OR, people take it in turns to drink/have more lavish meals.

If its the same people every time, having loads of expensive courses and drinks, and the same people every time subsidising it whilst having cheaper courses/no drinks.. that's really not on.

I pay for what I have, and chip in for the tip. I do not see people often enough to split the bill and 'it'll all even out in the end' as my friends are scattered around the country and we don't go out in big groups. We're all on low incomes too, and none of us are big drinkers.

Not penny pinching id she's paying over double for what she has every time they go out. It's a bit different to worrying about a pound or 2

Take cash and when you leave first just pop the cash down on the table. “Here’s £20/30/£35 to cover my meal, coke and a tip. See you all next time it’s been lovely!”
then swan off comfortable in the knowledge you’ve covered yourself and they can fight it out amongst themselves.

maybe let the other ‘subsidiser’ know you plan to bring cash so they can do the same

It’s the same ‘occasion’ that your friends are getting but they’re being subsidised for it while you’re paying extra. If an ‘occasion’ costs extra and you should be happy to pay more just for the company, why does that not apply to everyone?

I would never expect someone who didn’t drink alcohol to split the bill equally. I’d always chuck in extra and make their amount lower.

Suggest that because not all of you drink, that you continue splitting the food bill, but all pay for your drinks separately. (Or, more convolutedly, split the drinks bill with those who order alcohol, allowing soft drinks to go on the shared food bill.)

This.

Get your drink at the bar, and just say ‘I’m a bit skint, so can we put the alcohol on a separate bill or shall we just pay for ourselves tonight?’

Do you think you can prime the other non-drinking friend so she promptly jumps in to agree with you?

Six people splitting one bottle of wine? Now that is tight

It funny to me that you think allowing your friend to subsidise your night out each time you meet is acceptable. None of that is the behaviour of someone who cares in my opinion.

Generosity goes both ways. It’s no good saying it all comes out in the wash over the course of a friendship because it doesn't if you’re the person that doesn’t drink alcohol. You spend a life time paying far more than your share

I think you need to just take the bull by horns and say something before your next night out that you don’t want to be penny pinching down to the last £ bit expecting non drinkers to sub others alcohol is not really fair.

I don’t drink and none of my friends or family would expect me to cover their booze costs

You can tell who the CFs are on this thread! ‘They’re your friends’ , ‘don’t be a penny pincher’ etc!

I recently went out with 30 friends and the wait staff came round with iPads, you each ordered and tapped your card for what you ordered. Splitting a bottle of wine? No problem, you tapped for half, third etc. Ok, it took longer to order but there was no cheekyfuckery. And also no faffing at the end. If you wanted to leave a tip you tapped your card again. I loved it. The only weird thing was that the end of the table were served their food before the other end had ordered. So might not suit large parties.

£30 is quite a lot of money to me. At least three big family meals at home, for example.

You obviously don't have a friend who orders a starter, 2 mains 3 side dishes and alcoholic drinks when you've had a main dish and tap water, and she earns twice what you do.

As a teetotaler I find people are usually pretty good about this when you mention it. Although it’s a frequent source of cringe when I have to say ‘I actually had a £15 pasta and a glass of water and you guys had £60 worth of wine…’. I hate it but nobody will ever get me back for it because I don’t drink so it always feels unfair.

I always pay extra when I am drinking and make a point of saying that I will pay extra when ordering anything extravagant. Your friends are selfish.

When the bill comes I would just say - I’m going to pay for what I’ve had

i had some friends that do this and I don’t think anything of it

Just say before you go 'do you mind if we all just pay individually as I'm a bit brassic atm and need to be careful with what I spend. You all go ahead and order what you want still though!' Simple, friendly and to the point!

There are so many varying opinions on what is fair. It needs to be agreed prior to meal.
I went out for a meal with a group of ex work colleagues recently. Some wanted to pay for what they ate and others were happy to split the bill equally.
In the end, everyone paid for what they ate and drank.