Equal bill splitting annoyance

Same here, in my groups of friends the people who drink alcohol are always very insistent that they pay extra to cover that- where do posters find these friends!

If you don’t drink alcohol they really are being very cheeky. I go out fairly regularly with a group of friends and we are always conscious of making sure the drinks bill is split fairly so that those who drink a fair bit pay more… can’t imagine expecting someone who doesn’t drink to pay for my wine! Next time just ask if you can all pay for drinks separately but split the food. If they are genuinely good friends, they won’t mind!

If you are privileged enough not to worry about the money, then you are not being taken advantage of. If you value the friendship more than you value the money, it's not a big deal.

If your friends are continually taking from you - financially, emotionally, whatever - and never giving back, then of course your friendship has no future. If you are mutually generous, then it can last a lifetime.

My point is she splits the restaurant bill saying it all evens out. But how can it if she consistently drives. So I wondered if they shared the cost of her petrol. That’s equally fair no?

it’s not penny pinching if there’s a big discrepancy. .

Are you talking about your own friendship group or making a general point?

But the flip-side of that thinking is that OP's company is not worth anything to her friends... in fact, she has to effectively pay them to socialise with her. That's not a nice prospect to have to realise.

I always find these threads interesting. Whenever I go out with girlfriends, we argue over who should pay but it’s always one of us trying to pay for the other one. I’ve never come across anyone trying to take the P out of me, or me them. Just bloody rude…

It doesn't all balance out though. It's always the same people who take the piss and happily let others pay extra. It's not about being transactional it's about not taking advantage of your friends generosity.

Choose who you dine with more wisely….I’ve never had someone take advantage in a friend group……..or just state you’ll pay separately

Separate checks, please.

I don't drink alcohol and it's quite expensive. Why should I pay for someone else's?

You want to drink alcohol when out, fine. You pay for it.

The poster you quoted has literally just told us that she's happy "it all balances out" in her friendship group, then you turn it into this transactional conversation about mileage costs.

That to me, is the epitome of penny-pinching and mean thinking.

If I go out with just one friend or at a push, maybe two, we divide the bill. It has always been fair.
However if it is a larger group we just ask for our own tab to be opened. It has worked well for years. Everyone is free to eat and drink as much as they want then.

If i was leaving early I'd say I've had steak and I've already paid for my drinks so here's £25 or whatever

It's not about the money (though you have to acknowledge that you are quite privileged to not have to worry about the money) but it's the fact that your friends are taking advantage of you. If they really cared why would they want to take advantage of you?

Maybe they are just thoughtless rather than CF but in that case they should be happy if op pointed out to them how unfair this is and should be happy to change it.

Do they contribute towards your petrol?

I do not subsidise my friend's drinking habits.

Luckily, I have friends who don't take the piss. If someone had an extra drink or a starter, yes we don't care about that. It's a few quid. We go split the bill on things like that no issue.

What I would have an issue with is someone decided to order many expensive alcoholic drinks and others hadn't, then expected everyone to pay the same. How can anyone think that is okay. Especially with the cost of living, how do you know that people can afford it!

Can tell there is a few on here by the responses. 🤣🤣🤣

You’re friends. Would you really worry about it? None of you are skint. If you’re paying an extra £20 3 times a year that’s £60 so £5 per month……

Well it's obvious why the cfers turn up. Huge meal at bargain price!.
Would rather appear penny pinching than a robbing bastard!!

One friend once said to me to look at the bill as the cost of the night rather than individual items. This was after both the friend and myself had spent £45 on a meal that should have cost £15.

id either state at the beginning you will pay for yourself (or settle up at the bar if possible) or say to make it fairer let’s just split food. Or make sure your drinks go on the bill too

Fantastic idea. You are a genius!! 🌹

Maybe this one time you could order a dessert or have ah expensive item from the menu to make it make sense but then hopefully from next time on you can just say you'd like to continue with paying for yourself. Good luck 🤞

Correct.

You are thinking generously.

Hmm, I haven't said that

I have suggested that, if you can afford it, it pays to think generously. Allowing your friend to subsidise you is the opposite of that.

Again, I find it dispiriting that so many people are prepared to value friendships via the transactional cost of whether or not you had a starter or a soft drink when you split a restaurant bill.

There is generous and there is taking the piss. I wouldn't dream of having a non alcohol drinking friend pay £30 extra for our alcohol of I had any. How is that being generous or caring to them? It's cf behaviour expecting your friends to pay for your alcohol intake. A few pound here and there is nothing, thirty pound is way too much!