Equal bill splitting annoyance

This happened to me. Or was about to. And luckily a colleague had noticed I’d only had a main and no drinks and commented I should only pay for that. Thanks C!

cheeky CF friends!

I think it’s always good to clarify this when arranging the meet up so everybody knows beforehand or what the payment arrangements are and saved in awkwardness at the time.

A friend of mine who’s always been very generous recently said that she was saving to pay off something and with cost-of-living, wanted to pay for herself rather than split the bill, so we all did the same. Nice and easy - it just needs one person to start the conversation and take the lead.

It is a common frustration when spending habits differ in a group. Many find that suggesting separate tabs at the start of a meal is a polite way to ensure everyone pays for exactly what they consumed without creating friction.

It's absolutely not fair to be the one subsidising the three course, 2 bottle of wine and several cocktail people. Any good friend will chip in extra to cover themselves if there's a big discrepancy.

I was at a work Christmas party meal once and everything was split evenly, 80 euro each. The girl beside me was pregnant, had one main course and a glass of water. She didn't want to say anything or make a fuss but I was so annoyed on her behalf.

🤣🤣🤣

This sums up CF bill splitters perfectly. Gobble down as much as possible while you think that you can get someone else to pay for it. Cheeky Fuckers treat bill splitting like buy one get one free.

People who object to splitting a bill are the ones who order a fillet steak whilst everyone else has a salad.

It isn’t penny pinching not to want to subsidise others who take the piss.

I’m not a drinker, I will maybe have a glass of fizzy water or coke when I’m out for a meal. Why am I paying for a bottle of wine? I can’t eat more than one course, why am I paying for 3 course meals for others? Generally pay my own way and couldn’t care what people think.

What particularly bothers me is when we have work meals out. People always think it’s fine to split the bill, forgetting that the trainees on the table are on really shit wages. Why are they paying for the bosses dinner? I’ll always put my foot down on their behalf, and usually throw more in to the pot to cover part of their meals.

The penny pinchers are always always the ones who have more than their fair share of alcohol and drink. CF in my experience.
I couldn't imagine sitting there drinking loads, while someone has sat there with a soda which they bought themselves and being happy about splitting the bill at the end. I'm generous enough to say 'no, you've not drank, let's work out what you owe'. These people will be more than aware they're taking the piss.
When I go out with my friends, we generally split as we all have roughly the same (we don't get calculators out!). Although if someone is driving or eaten significantly less, we'll do a quick tally in our heads.
Anything else is cheeky and mean spirited and just causes resentment if it keeps happening.

i would just get the waiter to split the bill when ordering

we had this a few years ago. One friend barely ate and said she wasn't prepared to split the bill equally so someone else said no problem we will all pay for ourselves. One of the women got annoyed and upset saying she would not have ordered so much if she knew she had to pay for it. Unbelievable.

Plus you’d be risking them saying oooh we don’t mind sure ☺️☺️☺️☺️ and then you’d be fucked. Honestly I do not understand those silly lies?

OP in the past all I’ve said was “ooh no sorry I’d rather not split the bill, I’d rather pay for mine”, I make sure to round up anyway and include a tip, it’s not like I count the pennies

But yeah after being burnt several times (for example one night I couldn’t drink as was on medication and my friends ended up doing more than one 2 for 1 cocktails, another night when I still couldn’t drink friends got a bottle of wine - then merrily suggested splitting) I’ve decided that if THEY are not embarrassed letting me pay double the amount of what I should be paying, then I’m definitely not going to be embarrassed asking to pay for what I ordered

Maybe say I hope you don’t mind but I need to watch my finances so will be careful only to pay for what I have tonight. Tell them you have a life coach and finances are your current focus with him/her.

When I go out with ex-colleagues we always pay for what we’ve had. It takes an embarrassing amount of time to work out but it’s fair. I’m always one of the higher spenders - I often pick expensive food and I like a drink or 4 - so in this way I can order what I like without feeling guilty about others subsidising me.

That's just how paying for things works, though! The restaurant doesn't round prices up or down to make sure that your bill is to an exact pound/fiver; so why is it embarrassing or cringey when you pay the agreed price for what you've had?

I don’t drink and I think penny pinchers who order expensive stuff and a ton of booze and don’t have the generosity to even say “I’ll pay X because I had a pudding and 8 cocktails so you owe Y”. Tight arses expecting their “mates” to subsidise them over and over again. I bet they aren’t saying “ooo, you two had a bar bill before we sat down - let’s knock that off”. I know it’s easy to lose track and forget about the bread and coffee and how expensive a soft drink can be but I hate people being grifters and going to get a whole month of food and drink down them in 90 mins at other peoples expense. My SIL is awful for it - we eat - then she orders a whole extra meal and packs it into takeaway containers. You either suck it up or you have to say “shall we order drinks separately” or “no, I’m not splitting drinks, happy to split food though but I ordered my drink at the bar and my share is coming to about £30 more than I ate” or “Alice and I paid for our drinks separately so how about we split the food between 4 and the drinks between you two”. They will rather ironically think that you are the penny pincher, despite getting you to buy them drinks endlessly without ever reciprocating.

I hate the way that the terms "mean" and "penny pinching" are weaponised by people who are not willing to pay for what they ordered and expect others to subsidise them. Even worse is the false" oh its the price you pay for a lovely evening with friends".

Do people who are on strict budgets not deserve a night out and to have friends? Decent people will take notice if they consume a lot more than others and insist on paying for the additional items they consumed. That's it. Friendship is a 2 way street. It doesn't mean that you expect others to subsidise you.

Your solution of taking cash and handing it over when you leave is a good one OP. If your friends are decent people then they will accept that and be embarrassed that they have not noticed on prior occasions and taken steps themselves to do the right thing.

How on earth is somebody always receiving a subsidy and somebody else always having to pay for that subsidy mutual altruism?!

Just put something on the group chat or email ot whatever when it's being organised. 'As I don't drink, and drinks have got so expensive in restaurants these days, I'll be asking for a separate bill for my food / drink. Let me know if you'd all prefer to do the same or split the remainder between you equally. Thanks'

Depends on the place. Some places there’s not that much difference between alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks - a couple of non-alcoholic drinks could easily be more than a glass of wine.

For non drinkers we all cringe at those who sit back and watch others pay for your 2 large glasses of sauvignon blanc whilst we had a coke.

Is your company not worth paying for then? Because the OP is clear that this discrepancy only cuts one way and your largesse only works if the feeling is mutual and reciprocal, otherwise your generosity is all being wasted on people who are happy to take advantage of it.

Split the food equally and keep the alcohol bill separate and the drinkers can pay that among themselves.

I don’t really drink very much and sometimes am watching what I’m spending too and my friends and I are all mindful of each other on things like this. If we’ve had roughly the same we’ll spilt the bill equally but if for example I haven’t drunk much and several bottles were ordered, someone will always say oh you only had a glass do you just pay x or if someone had a dessert when others didn’t, they’ll say I’ll put in x amount as I had a dessert. It’s all very easy and not uncomfortable at all.

Like I said in my first post and then said again in the post you quoted, it's only relevant if you can afford it.

I think that's a sensible approach @Adfreefreezer .

I like a drink with a meal myself, but if I notice that I'm drinking more than the rest of the table then I'll always say "I'll put in an extra tenner" or "I'll pay for that second bottle". It's only fair.

A little extra is fine. Don’t mind paying £10 more. But recently prices of alcohol have gone up… I don’t think I should pay triple what my meal cost. Call me ungenerous but with a sick husband and earning £14 an hour I simply cannot afford to pay more than my portion.

I would ask for drinks to be separately billed or at the end chip in my share plus tip and say it’s because I don’t drink (true)