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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to mind my friend's husband joining our plans every time?

30 replies

friendshipscanbehardwork · 08/07/2026 12:33

I've started noticing a pattern with a friend of mine and I'm not sure if I'm overthinking it.

DH and I are good friends with another couple, and we genuinely enjoy spending time with them together. But quite often now, if I arrange to meet just the wife for drinks or dinner or if she arranges the same with me, I'll get a text really late on always when I'm already on my way saying her husband is coming too.

I like him and we all get on well so it's not that I don't want to see him. It's more that when I make plans with her, I'm expecting a catch-up between the two of us. I'll often have things I want to talk through or vent about that I wouldn't necessarily bring up with him there. Some things are easier to talk about on a 1-to-1 basis.

If it happened occasionally I wouldn't think twice about it, but it's becoming the norm. I feel like she is trying to restrict our socialising to always being all 4 of us.

Would this bother anyone else?

OP posts:
Original poster
friendshipscanbehardwork · 08/07/2026 12:51

TheWildZebra · 08/07/2026 12:36

Could you say “let’s have a girls night - I’ll leave my husband at home so we can have a good gossip” or whatever fits the tone of your relationship. It’s a bit awkward but I guess maybe make clearer when you agree to meet who you’re expecting to be there, gives you something to push back against

I'll give that a try. Maybe being more explicit would help. Tbf, she always knows I've left DH at home because it takes me at least 45 minutes to get to hers, so it's pretty obvious I've come on my own.

But you're right, I've never actually framed it as, "let's have a girls night" or said I was hoping for some 1-to-1 time.

OP posts:
Screamingabdabz · 08/07/2026 12:44

YANBU. She knows she’s doing it. That’s why she leaves it until the last minute so you can’t say anything. I would stop bothering. She’s obviously not bothered about 121 friendship, so leave it.

CoraPirbright · 08/07/2026 12:37

I think next time she does this say “oh that’s a shame - I was looking forward to it being just the two of us. I had something quite personal I wanted to discuss and will not feel comfortable doing it in front of Bob. Let’s take a rain check and reorganise for another time”.

Do it often enough and maybe she’ll get the message?

SecretSquid · 08/07/2026 12:37

Maybe you do too much venting...

TheWildZebra · 08/07/2026 12:36

Could you say “let’s have a girls night - I’ll leave my husband at home so we can have a good gossip” or whatever fits the tone of your relationship. It’s a bit awkward but I guess maybe make clearer when you agree to meet who you’re expecting to be there, gives you something to push back against

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