To not attend this party as it’s at the child’s home?

Whoops, we crossed!

As it's July, I would think the party will be mainly outdoors in the garden. So, I don't think you have much to worry about. Very different to the other party you say he attended in December.

Also, as you say many families are away, the numbers of children will probably be low and your son's presence will be appreciated. How about giving it one more go at this summer party? If it doesn't go well you can go ahead an rule out home parties, at least until he's a bit older.

They’ll be in the garden.

I always have kids parties at home. Never had a breakage and i would move anything I was worried about.

It's right-you're not saying a kid IS a puppy! But if a dog jumps on a frail person and injures them, it's exactly the same as a little kid banging into them, as in it's not the kid or dog's fault-it's the irresponsible adult, who shouldn't have kids of dogs if they're not going to keep them under control (I'm not talking about the odd mishap from a responsible person, I'm talking about the kind of parent or dog owner who doesn't think they should have to bother looking after the kid/dog and it doesn't matter if they annoy or injure people).

Are you seriously saying you're considering not letting your child go to a party - a party you're not even staying for - on the small off-chance that he accidentally breaks something?

You're being absolutely ridiculous. It would be really selfish of you not to let your DS go to a party just because you've got some sort of weird hang-up about nothing.

The host will keep an eye on the kids. The host knows what five-year-olds are like. If they weren't OK with having a bunch of five-year-olds getting over-excited in their house, they wouldn't have agreed to have the party in the first place. Don't be daft.

I it's a drop & go then that answers the part about staying.

If you think the other parents won't be able to keep your son under control then perhaps best if he doesn't go I would say.

None of mine were/are feral so it’s never occurred to me to worry about this. Is there another reason you don’t want to take him? I can’t be arsed with kids parties to often dream up reasons to cancel (but don’t).

If you are genuinely that worried and he is really that prone to getting hyped, just skip it. Missing one party at that age won't make a jot of difference to his life.

Revisit the issue if you find you are constantly skipping social things to accommodate his manic behaviour and your anxiety.

Of course it's sad if a kid damages another's property. I mean if you really do think there's no chance your child won't do something like that then I guess don't let them go. But surely they need to learn to play nicely?

Then it’s up to parents to control their out of control children!!

My child's parties are at our house. Obviously I put away anything dangerous or valuable and ask them not to go in any rooms with closed doors. So far, the worst that's happened is a chocolate stain on a chair (which tbh was my own fault for forgetting to put a cover over). I invite them in the full knowledge that they're children.

If you'd find it stressful, do you need to stay? Not all our parents did.

Its normal to make mess and accidentally break stuff.

Exactly. When mine was at school most kid's parties were at home and everyone was prepared for mishaps. You're overthinking this, honestly. Surely you aren't going to be there anyway, just drop and pick up.

Yabu. My daughter having a party at home this year. We've done it before. We doing it as I can't afford to rent anywhere. She's been to lots of parties at home. That's what parties were when I was growing up.

Is your child noticeably more badly behaved than others? Are they obviously much more of a liability for this kind of thing than any other child?

How many of your children were invited to the party? Can you just take one so you don’t have to split your attention?

Do you know the parents? I'd have a firm word with DS in advance about party behaviour, and mention to the parents when you drop him off that if he gets overexcited and needs to be picked up early then it's not an issue (and make sure they have your phone number). He is very likely to be fine... If you do end up needing to pick him up early you can reference that the next time, so that he learns bad behaviour = missing out.

Kids need explicit training just as puppies do.

Yes, I realise that will be taken the wrong way. What I'm getting at is that it is up to the parent to train the child to listen. Everything else springs from that.

At 5, a child should be able to think twice about going berserk in someone else's house, in a shop, or at any special occasion. No child of 5 should feel free to run indoors or jump on furniture, etc.

Expectations of children's ability to learn from explicit teaching of behaviour have clearly sunk very low. If they could manage it three or four decades ago, they can manage it now. My DCs were not slapped or given draconian punishment back in the 1990s, but they learned to listen because there were immediate and very predictable consequences for failure to do so - we left the supermarket or the library or the playground or the pool, etc, regardless of how eagerly anticipated any outing was. They were warned before we arrived anywhere, we had a pep talk, and they knew I would follow through on any consequences I told them I would impose.

Any worry here is all the host parents'. Let your child go, home parties are great!

Does your child have some extreme behavioural difficulties or is he just an average 5 year old?

If he's just a normal, lively child then let him go to the party. The hosts also have a 5 year old, they know what they're like and they've chosen to have a party at home.

I don’t think I’m in need of imminent stress intervention because I’m being cautious about things, tbh.
Being cautious about things doesn't have to mean your child misses out on perfectly normal childhood activities and memories.

Ds went through a very snatchy and hitting stage as a toddler (18 months - 2 was when it peaked) and during this time I just didn’t go to stay and play type groups with him as I would spend the entire time wrestling toys off him he’d taken from another child.
This is a prime example of a perfectly normal age appropriate developmental issue. Between 18 months and 3 is exactly when kids start the snatchy, grabby, cheeky type behaviour. It's normal. But again you decided your child wasn't allowed go to stay & play because it was too stressful for you. Yes, it's annoying to have to correct them all the time but that's how they learn.

Knowing your child’s strengths and challenges and avoiding certain activities with them because of those isn’t linked to stress, just common sense. I don’t want ds to give others the wrong impression and I don’t want anyone’s things destroyed.
What you refer to as your child's strengths and challenges is bog standard child developmental. You are more worried about giving people the wrong impression than allowing your 5 year old to have a normal childhood.

FYI, I brought up the issue of stress originally because YOU have used it multiple times in the thread about how stressful you find it.

Bloody hell, I never got smacked, either in front of people or otherwise! I never witnessed any friends being smacked either. This was the 80s.

I always had kids parties at home...no more than 6 invited. And they were friends who I knew not randoms from school...they came to play from 3 years old which meant parents didn't stay . Always behaved!!!!

I assume just before Christmas the party was indoors? Chances are a summer party will mainly be in the garden.