Page 5 | To not attend this party as it’s at the child’s home?

hiddenforest · 2026-07-08T11:12:50+00:00

Normally I love a kids party but this one is in someone’s home. When this has happened before I find it so stressful trying to make sure my children don’t accidentally break something or go somewhere they aren’t supposed to.

Ilovemum · 08/07/2026 16:14

Oh and their will be stuff for the adults and pool/darts for them.... Hopefully it will be sunny and the garden will be where the children are!!!

Ilovemum · 08/07/2026 16:11

I am hosting my kids party at home. Nothing will be out that will be valuable- and it's in the middle of the summer home and a lot of people will be away ...
We are going to do biscuit/cupcake decorating, pass the parcel, milking a glove, cow darts etc....
It will be fun and I don't really care if people don't come because it's at my house.... We have cats and honestly they have broken more things than children ever have (plus I like baking lots so their will be tonnes of homemade cakes/biscuits etc which I couldn't do at a soft play party)....

KissKissByeBye · 08/07/2026 16:11

hiddenforest · 08/07/2026 15:50

It is possible, of course, but it is less simple shall we say. I am of course not suggesting I wish to return to the 80s; I don’t. But I also know that when children are in that wired and manic state it is difficult to get them to calm down and listen sensibly. It just is, and no amount of insults directed at me will change that. (I don’t mean you, by the way, but there have been a number of rather unpleasant indirect swipes at both me and at ds.)

If I wasn’t an engaged and supportive parent I wouldn’t give a shit, let him go and just smile weakly, wouldn’t I? That’s obviously not what I’m proposing.

@BudgetBuster i haven’t actually said what I’m thinking of doing, but in fairness if I lived my life solely on MN polls I’d have been married and divorced in the same three month period, had both children assessed for autism more times than hot dinners, quit work and increased my hours and got signed off sick all at once. It’s interesting hearing other views but as Shylock said to Antonio I am not bound to please thee with my answers.

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That's not really a quotation I'd be throwing around, given that the context is someone insisting on cutting a pound of flesh from the chest of a debtor, despite being offered twice the sum owed.

Runsaway · 08/07/2026 16:10

hiddenforest · 08/07/2026 16:06

This must be the sixth or seventh time I’ve explained it’s a drop and go party; that’s what I am a little worried about. I can manage him myself but don’t really expect others to especially not when they want to celebrate their own child’s party,

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Why don’t you expect your child to behave, though? A five-year-old shouldn’t need any supervision at all at a party, apart from the hosts.

Original poster

hiddenforest · 08/07/2026 16:06

DisforDarkChocolate · 08/07/2026 16:05

Are they really expecting you to stay? Most home parties don't have the room for children and parents.

This must be the sixth or seventh time I’ve explained it’s a drop and go party; that’s what I am a little worried about. I can manage him myself but don’t really expect others to especially not when they want to celebrate their own child’s party,

OP posts:

DisforDarkChocolate · 08/07/2026 16:05

Are they really expecting you to stay? Most home parties don't have the room for children and parents.

Blogswife · 08/07/2026 16:04

Are your children feral ? If not, just let them go, I’m sure the hosts can keep them in check

WonderingAboutThus · 08/07/2026 16:03

This is bizarre. We have hosted all of our children's parties at home our entire lives, and we have never had a problem. I sit them down at the beginning of the party, explain the rules ("no balls inside the house" and so on) and then we get on with it. Including the energetic children, just called them to order occasionally or gave them a task to help me.

MovingBird123 · 08/07/2026 16:00

This is an eye-opener! I didn't know parties at home were anything unusual. I only ever had birthday parties at home and same for dcs... Maybe girls are different!

Original poster

hiddenforest · 08/07/2026 15:57

Whelmed · 08/07/2026 15:48

Like someone already suggested, could you just ask the parents if they'd mind you staying with your son, they might be able to accommodate one parent.

I did respond to this and explained if I do this I’d have to take my other child as well which given space is already an issue is likely to put them in an awkward position.

OP posts:

Original poster

hiddenforest · 08/07/2026 15:50

itstooorangeyforcrows · 08/07/2026 15:13

But it's perfectly possible to get kids to behave without hitting them. Your posts are giving the impression that it's not possible to control small children, and that isn't the case.

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It is possible, of course, but it is less simple shall we say. I am of course not suggesting I wish to return to the 80s; I don’t. But I also know that when children are in that wired and manic state it is difficult to get them to calm down and listen sensibly. It just is, and no amount of insults directed at me will change that. (I don’t mean you, by the way, but there have been a number of rather unpleasant indirect swipes at both me and at ds.)

If I wasn’t an engaged and supportive parent I wouldn’t give a shit, let him go and just smile weakly, wouldn’t I? That’s obviously not what I’m proposing.

@BudgetBuster i haven’t actually said what I’m thinking of doing, but in fairness if I lived my life solely on MN polls I’d have been married and divorced in the same three month period, had both children assessed for autism more times than hot dinners, quit work and increased my hours and got signed off sick all at once. It’s interesting hearing other views but as Shylock said to Antonio I am not bound to please thee with my answers.

OP posts:

Whelmed · 08/07/2026 15:48

Like someone already suggested, could you just ask the parents if they'd mind you staying with your son, they might be able to accommodate one parent.

Fivebyfive2 · 08/07/2026 15:38

Floppyearedlab · 08/07/2026 12:28

I personally would never have a party at home. But have no qualms about going to someone else’s. My kids have been taught manners so it’s no issue.

@hiddenforest honestly as someone who's done a few "house parties for kids" don't stress! It'll likely be in the garden this time of year. If the parents have any sense, anything breakable will be out well out the way and a bit of mess will be expected.

Although I can still remember a minor spike in anxiety when we attended another house party and I noticed that on a shelf right next to where some of the kids were milling about was an urn with the hosts father's ashes inside 😬 It was fine though!

ByRoseBiscuit · 08/07/2026 15:36

BravasPatatas · 08/07/2026 13:56

Bloody hell, I never got smacked, either in front of people or otherwise! I never witnessed any friends being smacked either. This was the 80s.

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I was born in the 80s and got smacked all the time! My husband is the same age as me and his childhood was the same.

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 08/07/2026 15:34

On the rare occasion we host kids who aren’t related to us we lock up everything we’re precious about getting broken and tell the kids to lock anything they don’t want to share in our room. Tbh most of the time if it’s not triennial rain we banish small children to the garden 😭. I think you’re worrying too much.

ByRoseBiscuit · 08/07/2026 15:33

My children are teenagers now, but we’ve had a number of parties at our house and my children have been to parties at friend’s houses and not once did a riot occur or anything get broken! I think you are overthinking it, it’s not something I would have worried about.

BudgetBuster · 08/07/2026 15:25

OP: AIBU
POLL: 98% YABU
OP: No, I'm not
🙄

Thankyouitwasdelicious · 08/07/2026 15:15

Could you call the party child's parent, explain your child is going through an over-excitable stage and if they need to tell him off to calm him down, please do? Or ask if you can stay too (and offer to help)?

Pineapplesonpizza · 08/07/2026 15:14

"I think there’s a very good chance ds will get wild and silly and things broken and or people hurt."

OP I don't think that is normal behaviour for a 5 year old. If his behaviour is keeping you from allowing him to attend birthday parties at his classmates' homes, then it may be worth talking to his teacher and seeing whether he may need some help with self-regulation.

itstooorangeyforcrows · 08/07/2026 15:13

hiddenforest · 08/07/2026 13:54

I mean that if you behaved badly you’d probably get your bum or legs smacked really hard in front of all your friends.

@DeftGoldHedgehog problem is if I do stay I would have to take my other child with me which would be unfair on the hosts and doubly stressful for me.

@Oliwiaa - it is a drop and go.

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But it's perfectly possible to get kids to behave without hitting them. Your posts are giving the impression that it's not possible to control small children, and that isn't the case.

Nousernameideaaga · 08/07/2026 15:10

It will all be fine, let your child go to the party and enjoy themselves.

Original poster

hiddenforest · 08/07/2026 15:07

Mischance · 08/07/2026 15:05

All parties used to be in children's homes. Hiring venues is a relatively new thing.

We hired a ball pond for a party at our house once and one child was sick in it!! This involved a lot of washing of balls in the bath!

Well yes, and we used to ride horses and wash clothes in the bath. I know I sound like I’m being facetious and I’m not, it’s just pointless answering posts about the 1990s when it’s the 2020s.

As I’ve said, I think there’s a very good chance ds will get wild and silly and things broken and or people hurt. Wanting to avoid that and therefore giving ‘home’ parties a swerve if I can’t supervise isn’t ridiculous: people may not agree but it isn’t ridiculous.

OP posts:

Pineapplesonpizza · 08/07/2026 15:06

By the way, you're doing your 5-year-old son no favours by not providing the discipline that would allow him to participate in a birthday party at a friend's home.

Mischance · 08/07/2026 15:05

All parties used to be in children's homes. Hiring venues is a relatively new thing.

We hired a ball pond for a party at our house once and one child was sick in it!! This involved a lot of washing of balls in the bath!

RampantIvy · 08/07/2026 15:01

hiddenforest · 08/07/2026 13:13

well - it’s now July and this is the only ‘home’ party we’ve had an invite to. The others have all been soft play or similar. The party we received a home invite to was back in December and that wasn’t a school friend. So I don’t think it’s the case he’d be missing hundreds of parties.

The main reason I’m hesitating is I know a lot of others can’t go as a few people seem to be away.

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Then I suggest that you read the thread where the entire class was invited to a child's party and only 4 turned up. I felt sad and angry on behalf of the OP.

To hesitate because others aren't going is an extremely shitty thing to do

Just warn the host that your son gets over excited at parties.

Do the right thing.