Is my marriage doomed?

God he sounds dull. Do you really want this life for you and your DC?

True. They need to have an honest conversation about the situation to find compromise that works for the whole family. If he is getting tired and overheated then there must be ways that he can sit out the activity at that point rather than dictating the whole day. Hopefully, the more he participated, the fitter he would get but that will take time and understanding on all sides.

If he’s not interested in participating in family life then what is the point of him?

If he wants to stay home that's one thing, but he is effectively forcing people to go home or be home with him. Controlling behaviour doesn't deserve sympathy, no matter what sex they are.

Sounds like he is training and controlling you all to stay home with him.

This is not normal and will affect your kids, not to mention your own mental wellbeing.

Next try telling him that you and the kids will be out the whole day, he can come but he needs to be present for the whole day and can't say 'let's go home'.

I wonder whether there would be so little sympathy for the OP’s partner if the OP was male and the “fat, lazy, selfish” one was female?

I can see how it is difficult for him to break out of the unhealthy lifestyle cycle he is trapped in and the OP being understandably frustrated and disappointed in him will not be helping his self esteem or his ability to change if he wants to.

He was pre-diabetic but further tests showed he was just under the margin so that gave him the green light to carry on. If he's having a carb festival he will get it. Eating big high calorie carbs like pizza late at night is a) the best way to ensure insomnia, b) the best way to put on more weight and c) the best way to increase the risk of diabetes.

From your description.. He won't be pre diabetic for long. If that test was more than six months ago, he needs to get tested again.

Prediabetic is a BIG WARNING flag and he should be doing everything he can to reduce his risk... its MUCH harder by the time he is fully diabetic.

It leads to so many other life changing and serious conditions

Added to all that, his seated lifestyle and refusal to exercise or carry things on the beach.... all of these behaviours are adding to his risk of developing serious illness. If he did get in the outdoors and do lots of walking with you and the DC, he'd be making great steps towards improving all these health risks. He needs to wake up. If he spends that much time on the screen, he can start looking up pre diabetes and find out what is really awaiting him if he doesnt make changes right now.
Its not easy and he will need support, first step is to re test and ask the GP what support is available.

I’m sorry, but you need to have a very serious conversation with your husband about him, his health, his lifestyle and his abstention from family life. You cannot healthily continue a relationship with the man you have described. He either needs to shape up or you and the kids need to ship out.
What your kids are witnessing will impact their lives, ongoing. You need to step up for them, and draw some lines in the sand, then stick to them.

Sounds like Binge Eating Disorder to me OP. That is a complex mental illness so it isn’t just a case of using willpower to stop. I know that doesn’t help you though

All. Of. This.

He sounds a bit like my autistic young adult children. I can't say I'd want to be married to either of them. Why are you letting this man child tell you what to do? Why not just say "Well you're welcome to come but if you want to go home early, we're not coming with you"? It sounds like you're minimising his behaviour because he isn't an outdoors person. It would be bad enough if he just always stayed in but him dictating what you and the kids do is not a small thing.

He doesn't carry things because he gets hot? Fuck me. What a pathetic waste of skin.

I don't like getting up early or making packed lunches but guess what? Do it every day because it's for my kids. I also hate swimming lessons, PTA fundraisers, listening to the school choir murdering Disney tunes and making dens in the forest but I do it all anyway because my kids like it. It's called being a parent.

Was he always like this or just a recent development? How quickly can you leave?

Kids need to get out and about and run around and see new things. And they have the energy to do it. He's teaching them its ok to sit at home gaming alone and wondering when the next meal is.

Yes. I think I would take them out on the days you all wanted and when he wants to come remind him that you intend to stay out until x oclock. He can come if he wants to do the same, but he usually wants to go home early and that is not happening today. If he does refuse to go, he will find the house very quiet and this might teach him something.
His summer holiday behaviour sounds dreadful.. and I'd just do what you and the kids want to do and then do a reasonable amount of the evening stuff. He can sit in the front row from 5.00 pm alone if he wants.

He sounds very inward looking and seflish.
Having children of this age is memory making and one of the best times, days out are things they remember for a long time. He seems blind to this and unwilling to make the most of it. His loss entirely, but don't let that stop you and the DC making the most of this time.

He does sound like a lazy 15 year old lad and not like an adult father of two. You do sound very incompatible. DH likes gaming but he also goes outside (!) and does activities with DDs. We don't like the same things- he likes hiking in the mountains, I only like it if it's not steep/precipitous/narrow and have been up several mountains with him, even though it's really not my ideal choice of activity (though I like walking/exercise). I like beaches, pools and water generally. He's not into that so much but the girls and me love it so he had to get over it a bit. There is give and take and we all get to do a bit of what we like on holidays.

Your DH sounds all take and no give.

@honeysunday in your OP you keep saying that it's not his fault, but that's not true, is it? He could definitely make an effort to be less selfish and sometimes think about what you and the kids want rather than always putting his own wants first.

One reason he doesn’t like going to the beach is because he doesn’t like carrying anything

Seriously?? Does he think that you enjoy carrying things to the beach?? Like it's your idea of fun to lug equipment around??

I am seething for you. What a massive lazy manchild.

Walk away and free your children from this op. He is spoiling their childhood.

If you separated, you’d have whole weekends where you could do whatever you wanted- no compromise. And the same for him!

plus you’d have the chance to find someone with an active positive lifestyle to match yours and to live out a fun life alongside.

How’s the rest of your relationship going? How’s your connection- do you go on dates does he make you feel loved in other ways? Do you trust him and he you. Can you have a laugh together?

If he gets hot easily, he needs to lose weight/buy a neck fan/increase his fitness.
If he gets bored easily, he needs to GROW UP. Its not all about him??? Does he think you or any other parent find all child related activities exciting? No?

Why do you think that you havnt broken up with him? He wont die of being bored, he wont die of being hot, he doesnt want to spend any time with you or the kids and opts out of parenting because he's bored. He isnt a nice man and he isnt a good father. No nice man would watch his partner carry the family load like this.

One day your children will be grown and gone and it will just be you and him. You need to ask yourself if you’ll be happy spending the rest of your life just you and him in those four walls?!

If you really want to give it a go you need to have a clear and direct conversation about what you’d like him to do to put more effort into the relationship.

If he doesn’t make any changes, you have your answer.

I also used to find going to the swing park with the kids boring but I did it because they enjoyed it, so your husband shouldn’t get a free pass on that. He sounds like a child himself. Not sure if he’ll change so you will have to find other people to go and do things with and tell him that if he wants to come with you and the kids on days out, then he needs to stay for as long as you and the kids want to or stay home.

I just read more of your posts, OP. Come off it. He’s repugnant. Why are you wasting your time with him?

It sounds awful to ask, but is he very overweight by any chance?

The stuff you mention really speaks to an unhealthy mind and body to me... always trying to plan things around when he next gets to eat, planning to get junk food takeout on the way home, drinking TWO JUGS!? of beer on a family holiday of an evening. Complaining he's tired, and hot, and needs to sit down or go leave so he can lay down at home and play on his phone.

He sounds like an awful example to the kids and I'd struggle to be attracted to them. I had a friend like this, obese and it made everything such a chore, but every outing had to be focused around when they'd next get to eat, what the plan was for food, copious amounts of alcohol whenever possible, couldn't walk very far without complaining and stopping, couldn't do stuff that involved standing around. Just generally made every trip out a nightmare.

Are you attracted to him? Do you love him? I would struggle to sustain this marriage personally without some major changes. Does he like himself? Does he want to improve his health, weight and fitness?