AIBU to feel unsafe about a five-hour drive after his early shifts?

I’m another voice saying it’s ok. In fact, statistically much safer on the motorway than in a city or country road. Make a day of it? Nice cafe or restaurant half way?

On a tangent, there are loads of driving lessons offered to nervy drivers that want to build their confidence. When your ready might be worth a look.

I'd drive that, coffee mid afternoon, water, put some good tunes on, stop mid way, no bother.

If you're concerned about his tiredness levels then you should drive.

OP, you sound very much like my MIL who has massive anxiety about too many things to count. Included within this, is driving and, as you may have guessed, she has never learned to drive.

Do you usually have anxiety over things you can't control? Are you scared of flying, have health anxiety etc?

Clearly there's a massive chunk of information missing to go from 'he's driving a long way after an early shift' to I really feel I'm reaching the end of the road with my marriage..and I'm terrified of what that means

Are you scared of his erratic driving?
Road rage behaviour?
Is he aggressive towards you?

Sounds fine to me tbh. If he's been going to bed at 7 he's had a decent night's sleep each night. So we're talking about one "late night" after a week of healthy night's sleep.

If you have a license you could split the drive with him if you like?

Well if you need a lift and won’t drive then you are limited.

What time does your husband get home after these shifts? If he's home for a few hours in the afternoon, he's got time for a nap. If he chooses not to do that, then it must be because he's not worried about the drive. I don't agree that it's a good idea for you to conquer your fear of motorways tonight, while you're already in this state, but I do think you should do it soon. It will be helpful for you as a personal thing.
I agree with other posters though that there seems to be a lot of other stuff going on in your life that you're not telling us about and that makes it hard to answer your initial question simply.

The world is full of sleep deprived women, new mums, menopausal insomniacs all driving every day, I'm sure your DH will be fine. If he feels sleepy, he pulls over.

This is what Red Bull was invented for.

Perhaps you should start driving more and overthinking less?

Make sure he stops for a break and a coffee if he's obviously getting tired, take a mug of coffee if there aren't service stations or you don't want to delay too long. I've done it alone which is worse because there is no one to remind you to stop and walk about a bit and get a coffee when you start to feel really tired. He should be fine, don't nod off yourself!

Edit I had worked all day from 7am to 9pm before driving, we were meant to finish work at lunchtime but everything was going wrong and we had to finish.

Personally I would not do a 5-hour evening drive if I'd been up since 4am, because I know I'd be too tired. But everyone is different.

So can most wives

id take a break at least once - probably twice for a 5hr late drive

My husband (or me) would do this. We’d feel tired but we could manage it safely with one, maybe two coffee breaks. In your situation we’d share the driving.

Share the driving!

If you have a driving licence then you drive?
Unsure how you’re blaming your husband for this? I’d be able to do this drive no probs. Very dramatic to be considering divorce over it, is there more to this story?

I also would do this drive after a day at work. Obviously if me and my husband were going we’d share it anyway but if by myself I’d do it.

if you have a licence you could share the driving. There is no reason why tonight can’t be the first time you drive on a motorway. If you’ve driven on a dual carriageway it is exactly the same.

Does he not let you drive or you choose not to?

Surely its up to him as the driver? I need less sleep than other people so am often the desi driver, as an adult thats my choice to make and other adults have the choice to accept a lift or not.

The fact that you drive but not on the motorway suggests maybe you are anxious in the car anyway. You said you have bern scared before, is that because dh has driven unsafe bc he is tired or just a projection of your anxiety?

Personally I would be fine if my partner queried if I would be too tired to drive but if I said I would be ok then it would annoy me if he laboured the point. If on the other hand he is an unsafe driver or feels he gets dictate the plan all the time then theres a wider issue

Is there more to this than you're saying, it seems a lot to say you're marriage might be over because of it.
Is this the straw that broke the camels back or death by a thousand paper cuts, or an over reaction?

Semi-regularly I have a sharp turnaround where I'll get to be about midnight 1am, be up at 4.30 and do a 4-5 hour drive, full day at work then drive home again the next day.. I don't love it but it's doable and I factor in time to stop for a leg stretch or snooze if needed.

If he's been going to bed/falling asleep at 7, that's a full night's sleep still, even if he is up early. On the day you've got the drive, if you're worried could he have a power nap and a coffee before you set off?

Are you getting any support for your anxiety? You sound really frightened.

Pragmatically no, this wouldn’t be a problem for my husband. But would be a problem for me as I don’t like driving more than a few hours. So I wouldn’t have made this plan. If he did he must feel that it’s fine for him.

But really you should take a turn at the wheel. If you can’t you should find a way to get help and do it next time.