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AIBU?

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Original poster

Employees emails and messages

87 replies

friendlytotheend · 07/07/2026 21:15

Some advice on this situation please? I run a team of staff in a professional environment, it’s my company so I’m the employer and managing director. One employee has recently had some performance issues which we’ve had to be quite firm about (repeatedly not following important procedures). Since then, the communications I receive from her have no hello, hi, dear, no name and will often be along the lines of ‘can I have’ or ‘here’s the thing you asked for’ Etc and quite honestly, it’s starting to grate. Just a ‘hi’ or ‘thanks’ at the end of an email would be a bit more pleasant, it doesn’t take much.

As far as I am concerned, the performance issues were dealt with (we’ve been clear they can’t happen again) and I’ve moved on, but clearly she hasn’t.

Would you raise it or just ignore it?

Thanks
AIBU to let it go
AINBU to raise it with her

OP posts:
Sweetbeansandmochi · 07/07/2026 23:22

No don’t ignore it, because you have seen how she deals when a little bit of pressure is applied.

Beachtastic · 07/07/2026 23:08

Denim4ever · 07/07/2026 23:07

Copilot is pretty useless and who would waste time asking it to draft emails?

Edited
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Are you kidding?

Denim4ever · 07/07/2026 23:07

ThatGladTiger · 07/07/2026 21:47

I would suggest a goal of embracing AI in the work place and a good place to start would be to use copilot/AI to help write their emails as you’ve noticed they may be too busy to write them properly!

This is really rude and petty and I’d def mention it if one of my team started doing this.

Copilot is pretty useless and who would waste time asking it to draft emails?

Original poster
friendlytotheend · 07/07/2026 23:00

Thanks everyone- I shall ignore and continue to smile 😊

OP posts:
MyFastZebra · 07/07/2026 22:59

It sounds very very minor. Let it go

Original poster
friendlytotheend · 07/07/2026 22:41

AppropriateAdult · 07/07/2026 22:40

I place a high premium on good manners, but in this scenario I would try to let it go. She’s embarrassed at the performance management, and is retaliating by giving you only the bare minimum of respect, but no warmth. It’s immature (is she quite young?), but understandable, and crucially she’s not actually doing any harm, except to your feelings. It sounds like it’s all quite recent - I would ignore and just give her some time for her resentment to settle down.

She’s in her 60s and new to the role.

OP posts:
AppropriateAdult · 07/07/2026 22:40

I place a high premium on good manners, but in this scenario I would try to let it go. She’s embarrassed at the performance management, and is retaliating by giving you only the bare minimum of respect, but no warmth. It’s immature (is she quite young?), but understandable, and crucially she’s not actually doing any harm, except to your feelings. It sounds like it’s all quite recent - I would ignore and just give her some time for her resentment to settle down.

fivepastmidnight · 07/07/2026 22:21

Good morning sulky socks

Are you still in a snit about your disciplinary? Previously your emails included the usual hellos and sign-offs, whereas they now are quite abrupt. I’d appreciate it if we could keep communication in the previous professional manner .

Thank you , kind regards, much appreciated

Your boss

MyFastZebra · 07/07/2026 22:16

friendlytotheend · 07/07/2026 21:26

But it’s not that. It’s ‘can I have such and such’ with no greeting or sign off of any kind.

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I write emails like that and so do my colleagues.

We don't do greetings or sign offs when we send internal emails, as we send a lot of them

Sess249 · 07/07/2026 22:08

friendlytotheend · 07/07/2026 21:53

It’s just me.

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Then I would probably just do my best to take a deep breath and let it go. As long as it’s not going to clients/customers.

it’s such a silly thing to do as you can move past performance issues but when someone is deliberately a dick you think well I’m never giving you a promotion or a payrise, why would I waste resources or money on someone who reminds me every day they don’t want to be here?

Alison Green who writes the ask a manager blog has been known for pulling people aside and saying “being polite and warm to your colleagues is part of your job. Do you feel you can do that? Or should we talk about you leaving the role?” You could amend that “showing basic respect and courtesy through email convention is a basic expectation for someone holding your role. Do you feel you can do that? Or would you like to talk about resigning?”

Original poster
friendlytotheend · 07/07/2026 22:00

LlynTegid · 07/07/2026 21:49

I bet everyone else other than the OP receives courtesy and words like please in emails.

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Yes they do, and so did I until the performance issues were addressed.

OP posts:
Friendlygingercat · 07/07/2026 21:59

You should see some of the one word messages I get from some American customers. I assume its a cultural thing. I reply in kind.

$50? (they are asking for a discount)

Repy

Hi, my best on this is $70. Gingercat.

But still with a greeting and name.

Original poster
friendlytotheend · 07/07/2026 21:53

Sess249 · 07/07/2026 21:48

Is there anyone else on management who can pull her aside and point out she is damaging her professional image by doing this?

is it just internal emails? Bloody annoying, or is it external emails that are going to clients/public facing?

It’s just me.

OP posts:
Sherararara · 07/07/2026 21:53

Moonstakte · 07/07/2026 21:19

i think you should look to get rid of this employee at the earliest opportunity!

This

Allonthesametrain · 07/07/2026 21:53

I don't work in an office so the e mails I send are generally polite and as expected but once within an ongoing conversation it's a quick question or reply without formalities.

In reality, face to face, you don't go through the whole hi how are you again and part with kind regards.

What's the point of the extra vocabulary for a quick conversation?

Hi,
Message
Done

If you're all in the same team?

JLou08 · 07/07/2026 21:50

I'd let it go. It's really not that big of a deal be straight to the point when emailing others in the same organisation.

LlynTegid · 07/07/2026 21:49

Sess249 · 07/07/2026 21:48

Is there anyone else on management who can pull her aside and point out she is damaging her professional image by doing this?

is it just internal emails? Bloody annoying, or is it external emails that are going to clients/public facing?

I bet everyone else other than the OP receives courtesy and words like please in emails.

Sess249 · 07/07/2026 21:48

Is there anyone else on management who can pull her aside and point out she is damaging her professional image by doing this?

is it just internal emails? Bloody annoying, or is it external emails that are going to clients/public facing?

ThatGladTiger · 07/07/2026 21:47

I would suggest a goal of embracing AI in the work place and a good place to start would be to use copilot/AI to help write their emails as you’ve noticed they may be too busy to write them properly!

This is really rude and petty and I’d def mention it if one of my team started doing this.

TY78910 · 07/07/2026 21:45

Well it’s retaliation really isn’t it. If someone has once done politeness and has withdrawn said politeness as a result of performance management then it’s retaliation - in most businesses that would be viewed as a breach of business conduct.

KateSixer · 07/07/2026 21:43

This is why it's a good idea to have a fully discretionary bonus system. You can then reward good behaviour more subjectively (and not pay bonus to those who behave in a non collegiate manner).

Pistachiocake · 07/07/2026 21:40

MyLimeGuide · 07/07/2026 21:33

I guess no kisses and emojis then??

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Oh, enough people have wasted entire meetings about smiley faces/thumbs up! And about how offensive Regards can be. Or how Hi is too formal!

MyLimeGuide · 07/07/2026 21:33

MayaPyjama · 07/07/2026 21:30

Yes, all the time. I might say thanks of something, but I very often don’t start with hi etc, particularly if it’s in a chain or if I’m pinging on attachments.

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I guess no kisses and emojis then??

MayaPyjama · 07/07/2026 21:30

MyLimeGuide · 07/07/2026 21:27

Really? So you send emails without, hello/hi/thanks etc? Sounds pretty rude IMO

Show quote history

Yes, all the time. I might say thanks of something, but I very often don’t start with hi etc, particularly if it’s in a chain or if I’m pinging on attachments.

Original poster
friendlytotheend · 07/07/2026 21:28

Lilypad789 · 07/07/2026 21:27

I wouldn’t say anything at all about this. It’s not a prerequisite to have greetings and thanks in emails. You would be on shaky ground to bring it up, plus she seems like she wants to annoy you and like a bit of a twat (if this is a new curt style). Act completely unbothered and focus on actual performance issues.

Thank you - yes good plan.

OP posts:
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