Neighbours angry at DS for snapping back and daughter’s homophobia - hypocrisy??

It’s not odd for kids to know their sexuality at that age and to discuss it. My son came out to me at 10 and knew without a shadow of a doubt. Ditto other family members and friends of my daughters.

it’s not sexual identity politics!!! How dare you.

And quit with the word “indulging” . What my son needed was validation, understanding, reassurance and kindness which he got- at home.

The family had no high horse to be on. They have raised a homophobic child and did nothing when she displayed her homophobia.

Gayboy is deeply distressing however it’s used which is always a negative. Primary schools react strongly to it if used. This came from home.

Maybe he needs more other topics he can talk about with girls? Maybe many of the other things they can talk about are blanks to him- perhaps see what tv the girls watch and he can watch some of those? Music? Take up knitting? Obviously you might have done all this… I’d prefer less talking about crushes full stop but especially between kids that age who aren’t close friends, 11 to 13 is a big gap and the 11yo parents might feel that way. My 11yo wouldn’t have a clue about crushes and certainly doesn’t have any. He asked about gay recently after hearing something on the radio and I explained it when boys like boys. He said I guess I’m gay then, I just like boys not girls. so I had to explain romantically likes, and he doesn’t romantically like his friends and that’s ok he will find out in time when he starts thinking romantically about other kids. I’d be unhappy at an older teen having crush type conversations with him, and I’d be more sensitive to that for my daughter.

He wasn't talking to an 8 year old girl about them though. If you read the OP again, she just overheard him talking with some friends.

The children who did it had a history of homophobic bullying stretching back to primary school. It was left uncorrected by their parents who to be fair appeared to know very little about it. The kids were younger than my son.

No he was 13 and he was accompanied by a 12 year old. The kids had both been accused of homophobic bullying before it started at primary school. They demonstrated a pattern of uncorrected homophobic abuse from a young age.

Homophobic behaviour needs calling out

Ye 13 year old boys never fight...

If anything he'd likely react stronger and more violently.

It's still not OK.
8 year olds are well aware of hurtful actions

@localnotail yes I bet he terrified her. It's bizarre how much some posters are vilifying a literal 8 year old on here. World's gone mad.

I would imagine OP's son would not react in the same way to his 13 year old "friends" taunting him - I doubt he was calling them "stupid bitches". Its much easier to retaliate when your opponent is basically a baby.

Was the boy 8?

What if its an 8 year old calling you weird, autistic and laughing at you?

I never said "gay boy" was not a taunt/ insult and I also acknowledged that the poor lad probably been triggered because of prior abuse. "Gay Boy" is used at schools a lot - sometimes in a homophobic way, sometimes just as a general insult - so the little girl could have heard other kids using it without fully being aware of what it means.

But. Calling her "bitch" is way out of order. And, if he did not react like this, the other family would have not been able to get on their high horse and sweep her saying this insult under the carpet, like they seemed to have done.

Ask anyone to tell you what is more offensive - "gay boy" or "stupid bitch fuck off" and I can bet people will not go for the former...

Calling some weird whilst calling them autistic and laughing at them...

Really sorry for your son, but slightly different situation, dont you think?

Example: calling someone "autistic" and calling someone "autistic" while beating them up and spitting on them.

I run an activity group where 11 and 13 year olds are in the same group. They talk to each other about all sorts. Including who they fancy

It's not unusual

I agree with this, thinking about my own teenagers. Also, there is a huge difference in age between an 11 year old and a 13 year old. I can’t imagine my DS14 discussing his crushes with a 12yo neighbour let alone in front of a much younger sibling and a group of 4 parents.

The point I was making is that gay boy is homophobic language. Yes there's a difference in ages. Is anyone in the right here? No, no they are not. Everyone needs a really good talking too and apology notes all round.

It has been repeatedly explain that Gay Boy is indeed a homophobic slur. Add in the laughing and calling it weird and its clearly homophobic abuse

He shouldn't have called her a bitch, I've never said he should, but I can understand why he said it

You're the one using what ifs

The op gave context not that his only conversation is this. There's nothing to suggest he told any boy he fancies them. He clearly likes football that's in the op's posts. You've added a lot of stuff that's not there because you are speculating this is why he has no friends. Maybe the area he's in is incredibly homophobic and he's getting horribly bullied. Maybe he's just a bit antisocial. We don't know but you have focused in on the gay personality thing. There's very little to back any of anyone's theories up and yet your making homophobic assumptions. No-one ever says she/he is making their straightness their only personality.

I think it's homophobic to keep saying that DS has made being gay his whole personality, to say he shouldn't be talking about crushes, to make out his talk was sexual because he's gay, to excuse the 8 year olds behaviour and language, to make out DS only wants to do football to check out boys

All of which has been said here

That's because he was beating him up, so anything indicating hecwas beating him up because of a protected chararistic makes it a hate crime.

Exactly the same as if a boy was calling a girl a stupid bitch while beating her up would be.

A thirteen year old beating an eight year old up, or a nineteen year old beating a fourteen year old up, would also be worse than same age children or teenagers, because of the power and developmental imbalance.

Its so disingenuous to ignore that the age gap means this is not a an incident between peers.

You are trying to impose adult standards of behaviour and sexual identity politics on to children. That is wrong. They are not equipped for this. So of course they say things that would be inappropriate for adults. That's not terribly blameworthy.

I also think it's odd that your son has come out at such an unusually young age and that you are indulging this. Not indulging in the sense of it being wrong to be gay. It is not.

But indulging it by defining his character through it at such a young age. For many children their teenage years involve discovering their sexual identity and it is not unusual for children's feelings to not be settled and evolve through this period.

I’d say the same if it was a straight boy only talking about which girls he wants constantly.

It would still be weird for that to be the only conversation you’ve got. Girls certainly wouldn’t want to be hanging around with a boy like that.