Neighbours angry at DS for snapping back and daughter’s homophobia - hypocrisy??

When your child is sobbing because they know they’re gay and will never have children and are already being picked on and think they are an awful human for being gay having told nobody else you support, validate, reassure being gay being perfectly ok and nothing to feel bad about. You absolutely don’t have a hands off approach.

So girls can discuss crushes but not gay children. They all do at that age and towards the end of primary.

😂at you dictating when a child that is gay can come out. My child came out to me when he was ready. And as for poor parenting as regards parents listening, validating feelings and supporting their child. Words fail me

Hmm.
Interesting.
What, after all, is a 'gay child?'

I think that the answer would very much depend on whether the child is pre- pubescent or not.
A 10-year-old boy, for example should be gently advised against coming out by his parents until he has undergone puberty at which time his sexuality will be no doubt set.
I don't doubt that a 15-year-old boy knows what his sexuality is.
At which point he can come out.

What the OP has done, in my opinion, instead of being the strong but gentle guide a parent should be, has been led by the child, thus has possibly created more issues as that boy's sexual orientation may no longer align with the one he professed at ten.

I regard this as poor parenting.

Yes I think this too… why is everyone so keen on talking about crushes all the time? Is this all they talk about? Surely he can just talk about normal things like sports, tv and hobbies. Your ds doesn’t have to make it known that he is gay at every opportunity. So he is gay…so what?!

What your son said was completely unacceptable, your neighbours daughter is 8, if he didn’t like what she said then speaking to her parents, or telling her it isn’t a nice thing to say would be better than him overreacting.

Absolutely.

A responsible parent would, in my opinion, given the knowledge that children will pick on others who are different- whether that's right or wrong a responsible parent would factor that in and just accept that's how life is
AND the knowledge that puberty matters as regards sexual orientation, gently advise a ten-year-old against coming out.

Wait a while, see how you feel past puberty and so on. That's my view of what a good parent would do.

There's no need for a ten-year-old to come out, anyway.
Presuming the age of consent is 16, what's the point?

I remember having a crush on another girl at nine. It wasn't sexuaI at all as I had absolutely no interest in such things as I was only 9.
I'm sure that this is common.

If somebody had labelled me a lesbian because of it, it would have screwed my life up because now I had the label of being a lesbian attached to me.
When in fact I like boys in the adult way. And obviously no boy would go near me even if he liked me as he'd assume I wasn't interested.

I know parents naturally want to help their children as much as they can. But honestly in matters of developing sexuality in the pre-teen to late teen years I think it's better that children find their own way along with all the trials and tribulations that that involves and parents are as hands off as they can be.

Larkin's words always resound with me:

"They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you"

Gay children should be validated. Not validating causes mental health struggles particularly when coupled with homophobic language and/ or bullying.

If it happened in school I would be reporting it and expect it to be dealt with robustly whatever the age- as it would be.

Absolutely right.
I'm not going to be scared of an 8-year-old girl but a hormone driven 13-year-old boy who's angry?
Very much so.

The boy in this scenario has- by virtue of being encouraged to come out at such a young age- is now experiencing normal hormonal changes PLUS the possibility that his sexuality may have altered having undergone puberty.

A ten-year-old should not be encouraged to make any declarations about its sexual orientation as there's a strong case this orientation is not yet fixed.

Rubbish. Picking on this who are different is not ok and never excusable.8 year olds are perfectly capable of knowing many people love and are in same sex relationships. As you say there is nothing wrong with it.

And yes 10 year olds can be sure of who they are attracted to. My son was, ditto the other gay people we know.

The difference between a 13 year old boy and an 8 year old girl is massive. Of course the girl needs educating and should be told why her actions were wrong and hurtful but your son’s response was absolutely disgusting. I would be mortified if my teen used that language at a young girl.

Completely agree.

While of course there is nothing at all wrong with being gay, it is not the sexuality of the majority of people and children will pick on those who are different (though in this instance an 8-year-old is too young to understand exactly why its words are hurtful).

Also, of course, it can be reasonably argued that a 10-year-old child, unlike say a 16-year-old, cannot be sure of its sexual orientation yet.

I think that a wise parent would discuss this in detail with their child and advise against any coming out until it is older.

This 13-year-old boy may now even find that his orientation has changed but its now part of his identity.

Oh do give over

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cx2y5zj0g0ko

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cdjpx7rnredo

It kills

Thanks for the further re-education.

Eight -year-old girls are clearly beyond redemption nowadays.

Thus, in light of this fresh information you have kindly provided me with, I shall amend my previous post made today to say that they should be take away and locked up permanently for their own good and the rest of society!!

They clearly are the devil's work!

What with their homophobia and all.
I have absolutely no truck with the idea that a child of this age lacks the capacity to truly know about sexuality as it has not yet reached the developmental stage to fully do so and in light of such information we should be more lenient with it than we would e. g. an 18-year-old.

I blame the fruit shoots.

Good for him. Dont invite them over again. She learnt that at home.

You’re very naive as to what 8 year olds that sit on SM and are babysat by phones are like now. Hopscotch and dolls no longer cut it.

There is a difference of being taunted and being literally beaten up and being spat at. I doubt you would call the police on the 8 year old saying stupid shit to you, but you absolutely would on the 14 year old physically hurting you.

Caused by their daughter and their decision not to jump in and pull her up on it.

I would think he probably did would not react for fear of retaliation and lashed out at an 8 year old as she would not be able to hurt him.

I agree family has a lot to answer for.

They had a reason to act offended because of the absolutely foul language OP's son used.

Golly. Yes. You are right. I must admit I'm no younger a young thing at 50-something so it's been quite a while since I raised an 8-year-old.

There's nothing else for it:
this child should be Immediately and without further haste be taken from its parents and sent to a Summer education camp so it can spend 8 hours a day being taught on all matters of proper conduct.

I know that it will probably object strongly to this and cry-as it just wants to play hopscotch, play with its dolls, eat sweets and be with its parents and friends for the Summer hols- but this is what must happen!!

Some other - lesser- people might think that a child of that age cannot reasonably be expected to understand the complexities of social interactions and human sexuality but what the heck do they know?
Plebs. And they probably give their children fruit shoots.