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Original poster

Neighbours angry at DS for snapping back and daughter’s homophobia - hypocrisy??

763 replies

TheNoisyDeer · 07/07/2026 20:33

DS, 13, came out in Year 6 at the age of 10 and he has struggled with making friends ever since. His boy friends always used to make him the butt of the joke so he stopped being friends with them. He has a couple of female friends now but he still feels like he can’t be himself around them because they give him the side eye when they talk about boys and he talks about boys too. Due to this he feels on the defence when his sexuality is spoken about.

I invited our neighbours over earlier this evening for chat and drinks in the sunshine and the younger girl, 8, overheard her sister (the older daughter), 11, talking to DS about their crushes. She laughed at him, made a few comments about it being weird and called him a “gay boy”. I don’t know whether she’d picked it up from school or somewhere, but DS was clearly upset. He snapped and called her “a stupid bitch” and to “f off”.

There was immediate anger from her parents because she’s only 8 and they said there was no excuse for speaking to a young girl like that and demanded I tell him off. The older daughter also took her side and shouted at him to not talk to her sister like that. He looked startled, humiliated and ran inside.

I went inside and spoke to him about the language he used and said it wasn’t acceptable, especially to a girl that young, but I also told him I understood why he was hurt and that nobody should mock someone’s sexuality. DS said he didn’t care how old she was because she’d been horrible to him first and then refused to go back outside and apologise. I explained this to my neighbours and the mum said she wanted to leave and won’t put up with her daughters being spoken to in that manner and they left.

Ideally I would have expected the children to apologise to each other, preferably her first as she started it and then moved on but I was shocked by their reaction to just leave. We’ve been good friends for years and now I feel hurt by their lack of accountability for the homophobia and hypocrisy. I wouldn’t like the friendship to end but I won’t be bowing down to them.

AIBU for thinking both children were in the wrong but both the daughter and parents are more so?

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 07/07/2026 21:02

The younger a child is the less they are expected to understand social rules.

an 8 year old is a lot lot younger than a 13 year old.

in addition some people consider swearing a lot worse than any level of homophobia or other issues.

obviously she shouldn’t have insulted him.

and he should have either told her off or walked away.

they both behaved badly but he’s a lot older so would be held to higher standards.

GregoryFluff · 07/07/2026 21:02

@TheNoisyDeer she's 8, a primary school child
He is thirteen, above the age of criminal responsibility. Absolutely more aware socially of what to say and not
Jesus, I think I know where he gets it from

stichguru · 07/07/2026 21:01

Both need pushing. However your son DENFINATELY knew his words would hurt and said them because he WANTED to hurt a younger child. That is DISPICABLE behaviour. If my son said that to our 8 year old God Daughter he'd have week where school work was the only use of tech and he didn't get free time.

As for whether the child knew how much her words would hurt, possibly. and she should certainly have a stern taking to about how that sort of talk is NOT right. If she really knew that it would hurt then there would be more consequences for her.

ChickenBananaBanana · 07/07/2026 21:00

The worst she did was call him a gay boy... He is a boy who is gay? Your son was a twat here op.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 07/07/2026 21:00

No, he comes off much worse here. Is he always talking about crushes and boys?

I’d imagine this anger and attitude is why he struggles with friends too, not his sexuality.

Original poster
TheNoisyDeer · 07/07/2026 20:58

@GregoryFluff so you draw the line at misogyny but homophobia (which is rooted in misogyny) is fair game 👍

OP posts:
Mistymaglets · 07/07/2026 20:51

It is understandable that he was upset, but a 13 year old using that language to an 8 year old is completely unacceptable whatever the circumstances.

GregoryFluff · 07/07/2026 20:51

He called a little child a bitch. Jesus Christ, his misogyny is showing. So she either didn't use the right language because she is small, or at worst, very mildly teased him, so he got aggressive with her. She dented his pride and ego, so he booted off.
I wouldn't want him anywhere near my daughters either

Lmnop22 · 07/07/2026 20:49

But your son knows better at 13 than to tell a girl she’s a stupid bitch and to fuck off….

I agree that the 8 year old shouldn’t have said what she said either but there’s more accountability for an older child in my opinion

Notsurenotsurenotsure · 07/07/2026 20:49

There's a big difference between a 13 year old who is either in year 9 or about to go into it, and a primary school eight year old. He absolutely shouldn't have reacted like that, and I'd be pissed off too.
The eight year old also needs talking to, but his reaction isn't acceptable.

tomato22 · 07/07/2026 20:49

Whilst your son could have handled it better he is clearly dealing with a lot and is also still a child himself. I hope the neighbours also reflect on their children and how what they said was also inappropriate. I think it was an overreaction to leave tbh.

Original poster
TheNoisyDeer · 07/07/2026 20:47

@HowDoYouSpellThat This has what has annoyed me, they didn’t even acknowledge it, it was all DS’s fault in their eyes.

OP posts:
HowDoYouSpellThat · 07/07/2026 20:35

Your son could have chosen better words of course, but he is a child himself and also dealing with a lot. If that was my 8yo she would be getting a VERY stern talking to about how unacceptable homophobia is.

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