Neighbours angry at DS for snapping back and daughter’s homophobia - hypocrisy??

Thats right, can you imagine some 13 lad talking about his crushes on girls and who he fancies and sharing that information in front of an 8 year old girl. This forum would be right down on him for being a predator and objectifying girls blah blah blah. Someone would mention the police and 'safeguarding' no doubt.

Also in fairness my son doesn’t talk about crushes (nor being gay except that first time he told us).

This

What is going on that kids that young (and with his female friends) are talking like adults about crushes and fancying etc

The other kid is 8, Im not even sure 8 year olds can even be homophobic or any of the phobics, I dont agree with many on this forum of labelling young kids with various accusions of racism/misogyny/homophobia and anything else

They're kids, they say unkind things, out of needing to shock or a reaction or stupidity quite often. It needs challenge but the posters on this thread are doing a word bingo with who can say homophobic or misogyny more often and who is more or who is less

Its ridiculous. They both need a telling off. Her parents probably left because their very young child was sworn at aggressively, whereas she just made a stupid comment.

Why is a child in Y6 ‘coming out’?! We’ve lost our minds. This isn’t really alright.
on the other hand, calling him a gay boy in an insulting way is unacceptable. Maybe she didn’t mean to insult him? Who knows. He shouldn’t have used language like he did.
I don’t think it’s a biggie tbh, just move on. Your DS needs to toughen up. It’s a hard old world out there.

I appreciate I’m not in England though where I understand swearing may be seen as worse than it is where I am.

@TheNoisyDeer It sounds like your neighbours and their daughters are doing a really good job of creating a new misogynist.

Your neighbour's daughters don't seem to realise that when women act like assholes to men, men will also act like assholes.

By the way, the little girl's insult was a lot worse. It was directed at DS's character and was a personal attack. Calling someone a "stupid bitch" is a generic insult.

Not a girl.

An 8 year old.

A little kid ffs.

If my 6 year old daughter used a homophobic or racist insult and got sworn at in return, I would be saying that such language can hurt people badly and that she can expect people to get very angry if she chooses to use it. But that the other child shouldn’t have used bad words either. And I would expect each child to apologise to the other. Ultimately though it’s natural consequences, the 8 year old mightn’t be so quick to use homophobic insults again.

That’s quite chilling, what level of punishment do you think an 8 year old should be given?

It seems like your son will have a lifetime of trouble with his reactions.
Coming out at 10, telling everyone about his crushes (including young children) then huge outbursts when he gets a reaction he doesn't like followed along by a mother who thinks people should be apologising to him and never discriminating against him.
Unfortunately this is the real world and he'll always get called names, especially if he's making a point of going on about it.
Society has moved on a hell of a lot but if he screams and swears everytime someone calls him a name he's going to be a mess by the time he's an adult.

I think your son is in the wrong here, sorry. Yes she was out of line and needs to be spoken to and I hope her parents challenge her on her homophobic language and explain why it was hurtful to him. Kindly, it seems like you are all making him being gay the defining factor in your lives. I’m not saying he hasn’t struggled and my god I’d defend my child til the cows came home and then some but it’s not really helping him with constantly creating a victim narrative. Maybe his friendship struggles ARE related to his sexuality or maybe he is using it as an excuse because he’s struggling socially and other factors are at play. He stormed off and wouldn’t apologise? He thinks his words weren’t as bad as hers? It’s very him him and as his mum you obviously want to make him feel validated and secure and happy but what he said was out of order. You can’t fight homophobia with misogyny. They don’t cancel each other out in a battle of who has it harder. Calling her a bitch is vile, it’s a term rooted in sexism, degradation and male anger and entitlement. Telling her to fuck off is horrid, she’s 8! His language is unacceptable and he needs to know that and be told that being gay isn’t a get out of jail free card you can all use when something doesn’t go your way. It’s fantastic he’s open about being gay, it’s great that you are so supportive and have his back but meeting any perceived slight with that level of aggression isn’t ok.

If she's old enough to make that sort of comment she's old enogh yo deal eith the fall out

@buffyajp what is my prejudice then?
What bit am I misunderstanding/misrepresenting?

Agree. No wonder homophobia I still rampant with the excuses being made just because it was a girl that said it.

It depends on exactly what the girl said, the tone, and whether there was any malicious intent. Only the OP knows that.

Seriously? You should be ashamed of yourself.

Why is a 13 years old boy talking about crushes within earshot of an 8 years old?
Why is a boy insulting a girl using such horrible language?
The biggest problem here is that DS shows zero understanding of what is acceptable behaviour and age appropriate conversations.
OP, your neighbours’ children are not your problem. Your DS’s attitude is very poor and he is growing up being obsessed and defined by his sexuality , with a very poor treatment of girls. Does he have any hobbies, is he part of any sports clubs? Is he doing anything meaningful apart from going to school? He needs to expand his sphere of interests and he absolutely must learn to treat girls in a polite manner.

She's 8, EIGHT. You are being ridiculous and your son is in the wrong here, totally unacceptable behaviour towards a young child.

The age difference here is very significant.
She may never have come across someone who’s same sex attracted so it will be unusual for her - she needs educating. He, however, will have chosen words that he’s clearly heard and possibly used before, knowing that they’re unacceptable. He needs to be held to account. In addition, from some people’s reactions on here calling an 8 year old a ‘bitch’, maybe this boy is living around people just like you.

I mean that you seem to think that you are awesome and righteous in telling an 8 yo she is a stupid bitch and to fuck off.

This really
At 8 they really don’t understand like a 13 year old does and his language towards a younger child was absolutely unacceptable - does he always speak like this and swear at people? I’d be more upset about this to be honest.

Ah so your son deserves better protection and is more sensitive… because he is gay?
is that not worse, you’d honestly be more upset by a child calling your son weird, than your
8 yo being called a stupid bitch and getting told to fuck
off?

If I was him, yes. Bit confused about your tone!

I've worked with children and young people and I have teens. I've not heard a child use that term since I was a child myself. None of the children or teens I've been around bat an eyelid at someone being gay. I suppose it could be area dependent as OP says her son was the butt of jokes.

There is also this, he was the elder child. He lacks boundaries. And it may explain why h4 is struggling with his own friendships, with kids his age,

being gay is not unusual at this age, he’s turning it into his Waterloo.