Neighbours angry at DS for snapping back and daughter’s homophobia - hypocrisy??

Oh, are you 8?
Maybe shouldn't be online

An 8yo using racist language also needs educating. At that age they’re so young and should not be written off as racist (or sexist, homophobic etc). I’ve never met a year 7 using racist / sexist / homophobic language who fully grasped what it meant. And they’re all capable of being taught better. I’ve never met a 13yo who didn’t understand that 8yo are little kids and shouldn’t be sworn at.

FFS I was babysitting 8yo when I was 14! I know times have changed, but child development hasn’t really.

@GregoryFluff Did she say a slur? She didn't. She said 'gay boy'

What on earth is this bonkers logic...

Tomorrow I'm going to call someone a "fat woman." When they get upset, I'm going to respond "I did not use a slur."

I live with dc around this age. The talk about crushes is minimal because it’s really not the focus of their lives. Not banned at all but not actively encouraged by parents or school because they are still so young and have a million and one other things to think and talk about.

That rather depends where you live. My eldest from year 7 was being called a faggot, gay boy, bum boy and pedo by kids in his school. He was assaulted multiple times, the most recent 8 weeks ago (police are involved), which resulted in a concussion, split lips and two black eyes. The person involved was calling him a dirty gay nonce at the time. Not that it's relevant but my son isn't gay. He is just friends with two kids that are. Their parents have some stories about their treatment as well. Homophobia is absolutely rife in some places.

Doesn't need to be equal blame at all, does it? She's insulted him, he's insulted her back. I'd expect far better from a 13 year old but that doesn't mean she shouldn't apologise

She went to his house and tried some homophobic bullying. And, judging by her parents reaction, its not hard to work out why she thinks its acceptable.

I think you should be way angrier with your neighbours. His home should be a place where he can get away from all that shit.

No 8 year old is "a racist". She's a child who doesn't understand these terms.

Yes, because as I said, a personal insult hits much harder than a generic one.

Did she say a slur?
She didn't. She said 'gay boy'
If she had said a racist slur, I would instantly presume she was being raised in a racist household
But if she was being silly and messing about and said 'black boy'
I would be having a chat with her about what racism is and how it could be perceived and why people would feel offended, and educate her about the world. The exact same way I would here
Still don't think she would desert e to aggressively be called a bitch and told to fuck off by a much older teenager with full understanding of his actions
So yeah, I would still tell the parent to get a grip
Absolutely

Do you think the 8 year old and 13 year old are equally to blame then?

Wow just wow. All this homophobia, misogyny and we are talking about 13 and11 yo children. Neighbours at that! Parents must sort this. No need to be at loggerheads with each other.

i do think maybe your DS works on his self-esteem and lay off on talks about crushes with anyone until then. Yes, same advice would be given to a non gay 13 ds having issues with sexuality.

Most 13 year olds I have ever known have crushes and discuss them.

Some really odd takes here. According to some he's too young to have come out at 10, but I guarantee no one would say that a 10 year old boy shouldn't express that he likes girls. 11 and 13 year old discussing crushes isn't weird at all, does no one remember being that age?!

The 8 year old had clearly used it as an insult, so she should have been told to apologise but that doesn't excuse his response at all. Both should have apologised to eachother and been disciplined.

So I get your child is dealing with a lot but his language was diabolical when dealing with a very young child. But then I would have expected the girl’s parents to immediately tell off their daughter too. It should have been a mutual apology.

But I would he having a serious chat with my son if that were me.

The 8 year old needs to be made aware that her comments were unacceptable.
The behaviour of the 13yo is very worrying - that degree of verbal aggression towards an 8yo is vile. Made worse by his inability to reflect and understand that his behaviour was vilr.

@TheNoisyDeer I don't think an 8 year old can come out with homophobic language unless they have heard it at home or at school, and I wonder if your so-called friends' reaction in whisking their children home was to get their youngest DD out of the way before she said "but this is what mummy and daddy always call him".

Your DS was out of order in using language like that around an 8 year old and he should apologise, but we understand how a 13 year old knows the language he used. There are more questions to be answered around the 8 year old's language.

I would have demanded he sincerely apologised or face consequences.

I have a 14 year old DS and would be horrified if he spoke to a young child like that. There is simply no excuse. I expect him to be able to control his behaviour and treat people with respect even if others can’t.

If I was the mother of the 8 year old I would have done exactly the same, demanded that she apologised.

I have dc slightly older and younger than your son. The idea of them age 13 talking about crushes makes me laugh a bit (and would make them absolutely cringe!). Very few of their friends were thinking about their sexuality at 10 (10!!!! 10 is a child?!?) and at 13 very few talk about crushes etc. They have friends who are boys and girls and talk about a lot of random things but 13 is young at our school to be so vocal about sexuality and crushes.

Calling ANYONE a bitch is utterly unacceptable. An 8 year old won’t have the level of understanding that a 13 year old does. Also, he is a gay boy. She was maybe just using a teasing voice to state what he is? Especially if he’s talking in her earshot about boys he fancies? I wouldn’t be comfortable with a young teen talking about that in front of my children when they were younger.

Doesn't matter if your son thinks he’s gay or not, encouraging sexuality and sexual chat at 13 is really odd.

I dont know many 13 yos who would hang about with 11 yos.. this is Scotland where 11 yo would be primary p7 and 13 in second year of high school though, social death to hang about with primary school kids for a teen!

If she made a racist comment would i need to be real or would she be a racist?

I do think children these days are expected to deal with very adult themes about sexuality. The language is shocking from both of them, I’d hold the boy more responsible due to his age. There are five years between my eldest and youngest and I’d be very annoyed if he exploded like that at his little sister like that regardless of provocation.

The answer is surely you tell an adult 8 yo is being rude and she gets stuck with grown ups to be supervised. 13 & 11 yo get to hang out without annoying little sister.

I have teen boys and disagree. I'd be very disappointed in my lads if they called an 8 year old a stupid bitch and said fuck off to her. They are 5 years older than her.

So if the 8 yos 11yo sister had responded by saying, “actually you fuck off you aggressive twat, leave my 8 yo sister alone”
I mean give a mouthful get a mouthful?