Neighbours angry at DS for snapping back and daughter’s homophobia - hypocrisy??

What's the difference? If I heard someone say 'he is a gay boy' I'd just think he's a boy who is gay. Does it have some other meaning behind it? Asking to be educated as I haven't come across that.

Ffs she laughed, called him weird and Gay Boy is an insult, it's not the same as "boy who is gay"

There’s a five year age gap between your son and the young 8 year old girl and your son is of course a boy, so much bigger in stature. Could likely feel intimidating for her and her parents would perceive this. Also age 8 that’s not really her own opinion but something she is parroting heard from others. Seems your son was projecting onto this 8 year old girl the voices and spitefulness of the other 13 year olds who have treated him so badly - but that’s not this young girl with those two ill-chosen words she’ll have parroted from someone else.

Boy who is gay and gay boy are NOT the same thing

Your homophobia is rampant throughout this

Activist parents help…

The 8 year old likely doesn't really understand the meaning of the words she used. Your son on the other hand is older and exploded with inappropriate language towards a young child. Quite aggressive language towards a younger, weaker girl. That's really unacceptable. You need to talk to him about more appropriate ways to handle situations like this. There are better ways he could have communicated that he didn't like being called that. The girls parents will also likely talk to her about the words she used, though her actions are nowhere on the same level as your son's, given the age difference there.

It's possible your son has taken a lot quietly and this was his moment of snapping, but it is something that needs to be addressed with him regardless. He can't be allowed to think this is okay and you can teach him other ways to cope and express himself.

Guides, Scouts, sports groups, drama... they will be the same age group in these
Plus an older 11 year old might be a secondary in England and therefore after school with 13 year olds

Because innocent crushes in primary school are completely normal and realising your crushes are on other boys rather than girls would be indicative of this????

She had insulted him first
He has a topic he's particularly sensitive over because of past experience
He reacted badly but it's understandable why he shouted

How so? I'm off to bed in a minute, but OP said, they were talking about crushes (older kids), little girl said something akin to boys having crushes on boys not being the norm/weird/icky. He says he's gay. She goes, oh gay boy
Not nice, but that daft, silly way 8 year olds have
Now if she's dropped fa*ot, pa*y etc, etc
I'd be like yikes, her parents are homophobes, fucking abort the drinks
But that's not what happened
She's a little kid
And the OPs son is reactive and volatile. He may well have his reasons, especially if he's been bullied, but he knows not to take them out on a little girl

Odd responses on this thread. Your son should be able to simply exist in his OWN home without being subject to homophobic remarks from visitors. She obviously knows what being gay means as she identified he was gay from hearing him talk about male crushes, and felt it was worth mocking. Her parents obviously haven’t taught her otherwise so perhaps learning that taking the piss out of people comes with consequences will help in the long run.

That to me is kids growing up too fast.

No it’s not.

It's totally normal at 13 to be talking about crushes, ignore those people acting like he's a pervert for it

How can anyone know they are gay at 10?

He’s been told it’s wrong. I suspect in the moment he was very angry about someone calling him a weird gay boy after already suffering a lot of bullying over it. Maybe when he’s calmed down and had chance to reflect he will learn something from the experience.

However if the neighbours don’t tell their kid that her choice of words was unacceptable then is she going to go around thinking it’s fine to speak to people like that?

Im not excusing either child, both were wrong, but only the op appears to have addressed it. Unless the neighbours went home and had a stern word with their dd about it which I hope they did.

And of course his agressive response is celebrated and praised here for some reason…

Felt attacked by an 8yo girl. Christ.

If the girl had said something rude to a 13yo heterosexual boy and he responded the same way, these would NOT be the replies they would be getting. Posters would be frothing that he needed to watch Adolescence.

The attitude was a homophobic attitude
Whether she understands it or not, the recipient felt attacked on basis of their sexuality
I think you're excusing the 8 year old far too much

Shuggles is MN resident misogynist. There's no thread that he doesn't join in slagging off women because he's single and noone wants to be in a relationship with him. He's so tedious.

Being gay isn't an adult issue

But what’s the point if your child won’t follow your guidance? That’s not achieved anything.

No

That’s not the point. His parent recognised he was wrong for being aggressive and swearing. The other parents failed to see anything wrong with the language their own child used. Both are kids - albeit one much younger. It’s up to the parents to intervene and guide in situations like this.

I also want to add, I would not try to get my daughter to apologise to your son. My first priority would be taking her away from the situation and making sure that she is okay.

Saying that the 8 year old should apologise too is ignoring the fact that what your DS did (calling a much younger child a stupid bitch etc) is clearly much worse than what she did (the younger child saying your ds is weird and a gay boy)