Neighbours angry at DS for snapping back and daughter’s homophobia - hypocrisy??

How so? I'm off to bed in a minute, but OP said, they were talking about crushes (older kids), little girl said something akin to boys having crushes on boys not being the norm/weird/icky. He says he's gay. She goes, oh gay boy
Not nice, but that daft, silly way 8 year olds have
Now if she's dropped fa*ot, pa*y etc, etc
I'd be like yikes, her parents are homophobes, fucking abort the drinks
But that's not what happened
She's a little kid
And the OPs son is reactive and volatile. He may well have his reasons, especially if he's been bullied, but he knows not to take them out on a little girl

Expressing a preference at 10 years of age pre puberty for most kids is growing up too fast.

I do not believe that anyone is that ignorant that they do not know that calling someone ‘gay boy’ is a slur. Especially when the context of her laughing and calling him weird.

You had the context but yet still wanted to minimise what was said to him

Knowing you are gay isn't growing up too fast

Yes. Felt attacked. By an 8 year old using homophobic language and slurs when he's already suffered abuse because of his sexuality

It would depend what the 8 year old said - if she just called a 13 year old "dumb" then ye his reaction would be extreme but if he was a black lad she used the N word to or had Downs and she called him a sp*zz etc then he would be justified in being hurt and angry

Actually, I'm interested in why that is a slur and didn't really want to google it not knowing. But if you'd rather people stay ignorant rather than learning something, whatever. This discussion could be the difference between me hearing it not knowing it's not just descriptive vs. being able to call out someone using it because I do know.

That to me is kids growing up too fast.

And of course his agressive response is celebrated and praised here for some reason…

It is a slur, yes. One that I was aware of back in the 90's. I've heard it slung around regularly at sports events, at young farmers and school. It was used very much as an insult. Sometimes paired with weird, dirty, disgusting or laughing. It's still reasonably common where I am (quite rural) and is often the starter insult before faggot, nonce, pedo and the ever delightful bum boy gets used.

Felt attacked by an 8yo girl. Christ.

If the girl had said something rude to a 13yo heterosexual boy and he responded the same way, these would NOT be the replies they would be getting. Posters would be frothing that he needed to watch Adolescence.

Thanks for helping me understand. lol

@GregoryFluff so you draw the line at misogyny but homophobia (which is rooted in misogyny) is fair game 👍

Well I wouldnt have understood the question if asked in that language. But I did know that some boys made me feel squidgy inside in a way no girl ever did. And judging by how much competition there was to be Shane MacAlistair's partner in country dancing I wasn't the only one.

You don’t want to understand so why bother trying

Thanks for helping me understand. lol

DS, 13, came out in Year 6 at the age of 10 and he has struggled with making friends ever since. His boy friends always used to make him the butt of the joke so he stopped being friends with them. He has a couple of female friends now but he still feels like he can’t be himself around them because they give him the side eye when they talk about boys and he talks about boys too. Due to this he feels on the defence when his sexuality is spoken about.

I invited our neighbours over earlier this evening for chat and drinks in the sunshine and the younger girl, 8, overheard her sister (the older daughter), 11, talking to DS about their crushes. She laughed at him, made a few comments about it being weird and called him a “gay boy”. I don’t know whether she’d picked it up from school or somewhere, but DS was clearly upset. He snapped and called her “a stupid bitch” and to “f off”.

There was immediate anger from her parents because she’s only 8 and they said there was no excuse for speaking to a young girl like that and demanded I tell him off. The older daughter also took her side and shouted at him to not talk to her sister like that. He looked startled, humiliated and ran inside.

I went inside and spoke to him about the language he used and said it wasn’t acceptable, especially to a girl that young, but I also told him I understood why he was hurt and that nobody should mock someone’s sexuality. DS said he didn’t care how old she was because she’d been horrible to him first and then refused to go back outside and apologise. I explained this to my neighbours and the mum said she wanted to leave and won’t put up with her daughters being spoken to in that manner and they left.

Ideally I would have expected the children to apologise to each other, preferably her first as she started it and then moved on but I was shocked by their reaction to just leave. We’ve been good friends for years and now I feel hurt by their lack of accountability for the homophobia and hypocrisy. I wouldn’t like the friendship to end but I won’t be bowing down to them.

AIBU for thinking both children were in the wrong but both the daughter and parents are more so?

Haven't RTFT, sorry

But... He came out at the age of 10?!?!?!!

I used to live in Brighton and most of my friends are gay. But when did adults start having reality dictated to them by children?

Ffs she laughed, called him weird and Gay Boy is an insult, it's not the same as "boy who is gay"

"You're a woman who is fat, it's not an insult. It's just facts'

The naivety of the posters acting like gay boy isn't a very specific slur....

is “gay boy” a slur these days?

is it like “gay lord”?

i am obviously 100 years old

honestly though your son’s behaviour is awful. He knew exactly what his words meant. An 8 year old does not.

@GregoryFluff Did she say a slur? She didn't. She said 'gay boy'

What on earth is this bonkers logic...

Tomorrow I'm going to call someone a "fat woman." When they get upset, I'm going to respond "I did not use a slur."