Neighbours angry at DS for snapping back and daughter’s homophobia - hypocrisy??

I think it would be nice if we could give people some grace if they aren't aware a term is offensive. Educate them (then if they do it again, you can tell them off). I'm Gen X. My kids are Millennials and Gen Z. They sometimes educate me. I used a term in conversation that I'd learned at university as a normal descriptive term in medical science at the time (early 90s). They told me that word wasn't considered acceptable anymore. I was like, really? How is that offensive, I thought it was just a medical term and we were taught it at university? As it is, language evolves and it seems to do so quite fast these days. It's quite good to have the young people around to update me sometimes.

No, but being “mislabeled” to everyone in your life can be awkward and embarrassing to sort out later, especially if a boy who told everyone that he’s gay now wants to date a girl. I think preteens are better off just feeling what they feel without having to put a label on it.

Some posters are acting like if you say at 10 you're gay then you're never allowed to say "actually, I'm not sure I am that..."

For the poster who mentioned a Yr 11 and a Yr 7...

Yes, actually, I would expect a nearly adult to be far more in control than a 13 year old whose hormones will be raging and throwing their emotions all over the place ...

When I was 13 I once told my mother to fuck off. No, that wasn't acceptable, but I did.

My kids have never done the same but I don't think I've been as frustrating to them either.

And frankly, even if she wasn't aware gay boy was an insult (although, as you say, kids are more aware nowadays) an 8 year old definitely knows laughing at someone and calling them weird is mean...

Yes the little girl was in the wrong, but she might not have realised what she was saying, she was probably saying something she’s heard.

But your son was massively in the wrong for calling a small child (or anyone) by a horrible misogynistic slur. You really need to stamp that out OP, and tell him why it’s totally unacceptable. If you even know yourself, as you are weirdly glossing over this.

Agree. I mean, one of mine, I'm just waiting to see who they bring home. I really don't care, I'll be happy if they have a loving and healthy relationship.

You must live a very sheltered life if you think this language from kids isn’t real 🤣🤣 this is tame.

Why is trying something a concern? You aren't still stuck having to have lesbian relationships now you're adults are you? Is it a case of once you label yourself something that's it forever? I think you'll find that most people do indeed assume their children are straight.

I mean he’s correct.

As well you know.

Just because he says at 10 he's gay doesn't mean he has to own that for life 🤣

And if a child declares they’re gay, you say oh ok. Thanks for telling me. And then if they’re 14 and they declare they’re straight. Fair enough, thanks for telling me. Declaring you’re too young to know! And it’s just a phase etc etc isn’t going to magic the gay away

I think this is the right approach. Both children need to be spoken to. The 8 year old about not saying things like that, why it's wrong and how it makes him feel and don't do it again. I also think it's possible to empathise with the hurt and frustration of the boy while letting him know that reaction wasn't acceptable and discussing better ways to handle these things in future. Assuming this is the first outburst of this boy. If it's not, then I'd be more concerned.

No one had to declare that they are straight because its the assumed state...

And really it's just a label. Whether you use the exact term or whether you say "I'm a girl and I find Hannah Montana cute" it's the same...

So is being straight and many children's programmes don't shy away from marriage or relationships between characters of the opposite sex. They are learning about relationships and love not sex. Some children will also have gay parents so you can't hide it. Sexuality does not equate to sex it equates to relationships at that age.

Being gay is about who you are attracted to. It doesn't have to be attracted sexually.

And by 8 they should be well aware about private parts, unwanted contact etc for their own safety.

Half my form at (all girls) school were lesbians at 14. Including me. Many were wrong. Including me. Kids labelling their sexuality too young is a concern. We wouldn’t assume a kid who thinks they’re straight at 12 is actually straight because many realised (or admitted) we were gay/bi later. Same is true of kids who declare a gay/bi sexuality at 12.

Laughing, using slurs and calling someone weird for their sexuality is also abusive...

The 11 year old was talking about crushes too
It's only 2 years difference, potentially only 1 school year.
By 10 most people are developing crushes. It's not inherently sexual. Just "I think this person is cute".

I swear some of these posters are acting like he was 18 or he was talking about who he wanted to shag...

Both were wrong and need to be spoken to and corrected.

I know lots of younger kids that know about sexuality - she may well have understood what she was saying, but probably didn't appreciate the impact or reaction it was going to have.

However it sounds like the 13 year old, with hormones going round his body, having issues at school and with his friends, still developing the ability to control his reactions just had enough and impulsively lashed out. It sounds like he's still dealing with coming to terms with his sexuality and how to manage it in the big bad world.

At both 8 and 13, actions and subsequent consequences aren't always considered, especially in the heat of the moment.

That makes sense. When I was growing up gay still meant happy. I became aware of a change in the use of the word gay around 12ish. Also the age I became aware there was anything other than straight people. I was pretty sheltered though.

I’m with you OP. I have family members who are younger than 8 and who would conduct themselves better - this girl is a reflection of her parents parenting . Could your son have behaved better - yes of course, but it was probably the straw that broke the camels back. Do I think the girl will think twice in future about who she mocks? Yup.

great.

I am surprised but it could be a bit of a regional thing. I'm also surprised at the amount of people who are completely unaware that their children are discussing crushes from 8ish and due to the curriculum are actively learning about diversity and equality. If the 8 year old is in year 3 she's absolutely aware of what gay is and that calling people weird isn't acceptable. Our school had a pride day and all the juniors knew what gay etc was. Everything is age appropriately taught but by law it's taught.

I came out as bisexual when I was fifteen, but ten years old is too young to be declaring any “official” type of sexual identity. It’s not too young to have crushes and I think it’s fine to talk about those, but how does a kid who’s barely started puberty know that he will never, ever have any attraction to girls? It’s different when you’ve had years to develop sexual attraction.