Neighbours angry at DS for snapping back and daughter’s homophobia - hypocrisy??

I have an 8 year old dgc who knows gay men love other men. About as far as it goes. It's just something " matter of fact" that's all.

Most people don't see Bitch as misogynistic the way MN does

If my daughter was mocking, teasing and using slurs which led to her being shouted at then I would also expect her to apologise

No it absolutely isn't ok. I'm not sure where I said it was. Given the attitudes of many 13 year old boys straight and gay it's not surprising but it is disappointing (and grim) and it needs dealing with. Doesn't let the parents of the 8 year old or the 8 year old off the hook though. Ideally op can sit down with everyone and discuss it calmly and the children apologise and both come away better. I also think her son needs therapy as a place to help deal with the isolation and bullying. The 8 year old needs education. Neither act should be minimised though and the reactions can be understood without condoning. It also needs to be the catalyst for this boy to get some help and hopefully op can find safe spaces for him in their area. I'm bi too and yes I've had a lot of it from lesbians (I'd never heard the grim phrase cockpot before but it was enlightening!). I've also had the comments from straight men and women who have told me I'm disgusting and should "pick a side" plus the usual grim sexual ones which can get nasty when you tell men that you aren't going to have a threesome with them. Bi phobia is pretty rife as well although I think I probably had it easier than my bi male mates but again that could be location. My eldest son was beaten up in broad daylight 8 weeks ago by a grown man screaming he was a "dirty gay nonce". It required hospital and a fair few visits from the police. Hopefully the trial won't be too lengthy. Funnily enough my son isn't gay he's just been interpreted that way for years. Presumably that is rooted in misogyny and homophobia. It's all shit.

She attacked him first and she recieved no consequences.

You also reacted to a post not specifically aimed at you and went on the defensive yourself

Outside of MN most people don't see "bitch" as vile misogyny and see it as a slightly less mild insult

You should never just "shrug off" abuse of minorities

His reaction was a little strong but he's 13 so his emotions are all over the place and he's also been suffering abuse which made him react worse

But she absolutely should have been pulled up about her words

It's really quite sad how acceptable people seem to think homophobia is because she's "only 8"

8 year olds now understand and know more about difference than in the past

I'm bi and interestingly it's only been gay and lesbian people who have insulted me for it. My point being that if you think of yourself as a victim you can lose sight of the fact that it's possible to be both a victim and a perpetrator at the same time. Lashing out at an 8 year old and calling her a stupid bitch is unacceptable. A man calling any woman a stupid bitch is not ok.

I'm not sure I even knew what gay meant when I was 8

I don't think bitch is ok and I've said so at least a dozen times. I'd be upset if someone called my daughter that. I'd also be upset if she was homophobic. I can deal with both those things at once. I don't have to be homophobic to battle misogyny or misogynistic to battle homophobia.

In an ideal world yes we'd all shrug things like this off and maybe when he's an adult he will. I'm not sure you fully grasp how bad and to the levels that bullying, particularly about sexuality, can get too. I'm talking every day, endless isolation, verbal and physical abuse. It can get really really bad. Suicidal levels of bad. It's a relentless reinforcement that something about you is wrong, disgusting and unacceptable. Gay people go through this a lot. It is far from uncommon. It limits what you can do from activities to sports. Particularly sports. It comes from girls and boys and adults of all ages. People are beaten up in broad daylight in this country for just appearing to be gay in some way. PTSD isn't uncommon and he's been dealing with this for 3 years now. He's not going to have perfect reactions no teenager does. He was told it wasn't acceptable by his mum but he's got one safe place and however old the person is they came in gave him more of the same shit he may hear every single day, multiple times a day and then he never gets any sort of apology either. Should he have apologised? Yes of course he should but if it was my 8 year old he'd have got one too and all the children would have had a serious talking to with the understanding that nobody behaved well and my child started it.

I suppose this thread has been enlightening into why so many men (and women) are misogynistic and think using terms like bitch is okay especially to young girls

Bit fucking disappointing that so many grown women are happy to call an 8 year old a bitch. Some I suspect haven't realised just how misogynistic they actually are as its that ingrained in them they think its normal and okay to go round calling young girls bitches.

Apparently its okay for a 13 year old boy (and grown women) to call 8 year old girls bitches and use 'trauma' as an excuse to be misogynistic.

Genuinely what the actual fuck. I suspect all those calling this 8 year old a bitch would react very differently if its was your daughter on the receiving end of misogynistic language...

the ingrained misogyny on this thread is shocking.

I AM NOT STRAIGHT. I was not straight at 13.
I have a 14yo child that is trans. Talk to me about my prejudice, go on.
It doesn't stop from me from seeing an 8yo child as a child and all children as human beings that are learning not as bullying attackers.
Op, her son and EVERYONE would benefit from seeing EVERY situation as a whole, how can we teach our children? How can we be better?

If you automatically attack people (particularly children) we are lost.

Any 13 yr old make speaking to a 8byr old femaleome that is disturbing . My 8 yr old daughter called my 14 year old a fat poo head the other day ,she shouldn't of she's been spoken to about her behaviour but if he's of reacted by calling her a stupid bitch and telling her to fuck off I'd of been mortified. He knows she's 8 and being silly and immature and has a lot to learn about what's acceptable and what's not .

Quite. And the ‘girls like her made him like this’ defence is shocking.

Yes she did. And people will in future, too. Homophobia is obviously real.

My point is that we can only control our own actions and reactions.

If a random 8 year old insulted me I (and any sane adult) would shrug it off. That is the mature behaviour OP should be guiding her son towards.

I also don't think it's healthy to always be on the lookout for slights and insults. It's not a happy way to live.

Interesting in seeing the aggressive Misogyny in such a young Gay male person
Starts early and never stops with some.

Well I suppose this thread has been enlightening as to why an 8 year old thought it was acceptable to use the language she did. Bit fucking disappointing that so many adult women are apparently homophobic though. Some I suspect haven't seemed to realise that they are. Apparently a child getting bullied and isolated is ok though and trauma from this is imaginary. Genuinely what the actual fuck. I suspect that all these people would react very differently if it was them or their kids on the recieving end.

It's called experience

And you're just wanting to hide away from your prejudices

I am not responding to you on this thread again because you are taking the whole thread really personally as you are defensively responding a lot and I don't want to offend you as I really don't know the story of your life. I hope you extend grace to all (particularly children) but obviously that is your choice, which is clouded by your own life experiences.

It wasn't just an "uncomfortable social situation"

The 8 year old used specifically homophobic language and actions. Whether she understood it fully or not she picked on him for being different.

She should understand that laughing and calling someone weird because they are different is hurtful though

YOU have added the sexual part into the crush talk, a 13 and an 11 year old are not so far apart in age and might mix socially outside of school.

He should have apologised but so should she and if it was clear her behaviour was going unchallenged then I understand why he didn't apologise

"Victim mentality" is just thinly veiled homophobia tbh

You run the risk of your son growing up thinking "poor me" all the time and attributing any uncomfortable social situation to homophobia/bullying.

Most 13 year olds would just laugh if an 8 year old insulted them, they wouldn't take it so seriously.

Yes, it sounds like he's having a hard time of it but so do lots of people. I'd encourage him to see that he can't control other people's behaviour, only his own. Take the high road, look for like-minded people and live his life without being on the lookout for reasons to be offended.

How is a child having a crush sexual? Is the 11 year old who was also discussing it being sexual as well? Also do 8 year olds not know that calling people weird anything isn't ok?